The big sink
Well as of right now I have officially dug myself into another hole. What can I say? I'm just not good with money at all. I can't manage it for shit, and what's worse, Holly has left, so now I have no one to hold me back. At least with her around I felt some compulsion to save money. The moment she told me she didn't want to see me I went on a spending spree. So now I don't have enough money for all my bills. I can let the insurance go, they always consider me late because apparently I missed a month's worth of payment, even though I know I didn't. I keep telling myself it'll be okay if I don't have the money, but I know deep down it's not. I'm flipping out at work, stressing myself out. I feel like I can't keep my cool here. I am having so much trouble with all my calls today because I can't keep my mind grounded on what I'm doing. I have Holly swirling in my head, and the job, and my car payment, car insurance, and the bill I'm paying off. All these things are mashing my brain into soup. I can't seem to gain a single thought or get an inch in over my anger and frustration. I don't feel like there's anything that will make all these thoughts go away. I can't find a single redeeming factor in my life right now. Not even being alive is something I can list among things to be happy about. I just feel like I have control of my life but am out of control doing so. I don't know what to do to remedy my spending problem. I could simply not do it, but being that it seems like a problem I have I'm going to have to work toward it, maybe find a way to reward myself if I don't spend money. I'm sure in time I'll work something out, but for right now I have no clue what that something could be.