'cos a heart can only bear that much sadness;
1. That I don't spend enough time with you, even though you're in my thoughts, all the time.
I think about you, I worry for you, I care - so much - that it hurts to entertain these wild thoughts all the time.
2. That I'm not the person whom I ought to be - people change, nobody's perfect.
But I have expectations - we all do. I once believed in this thing - called me.
3. That I live a facade. Of secrecy, truth, faith, and love.
Of an unfounded courage - of pride.
A facade of strength. One that is weak, but will never fall.
If you look closer, it's a crooked smile. She lies about those tears, and try to stand tall.
4. That I try so hard sometimes, for reasons i struggle to deal with.
That you take this for granted; and my feelings - set in stone.
That I sometimes wish I could give up, but yet I'm afraid of letting go.
5. That you don't see what I see sometimes.
How biased we are on our own perceptions, and yet, how timid we are to offend.
We know, but we don't see. We think, but we don't feel.
6. That you had her at hello, tangled her in a web of emotions, and face her now - like a complete stranger. She feels for you but you've got it wrong - she's not your average girl.
You can't live a life leaving memories around like that.
7. That I let my guard down sometimes. Vulnerability keeps us sane, but fearful: all at the same time.
I only wish you didn't have to look weakness in the eye like that.
It makes you lose respect.
8. That I lost you. I lost that part of you. And I know it won't come back - not at the price of your happiness. I respect you, and I know how much this means to you. Trust me when I say I understand.
'Cos for you - I really do.
9. That I didn't have the chance to say my last goodbye. That there was so much more that I could have done - but I didn't. I'm sorry grandpa, I really am. That night, was one of my darkest moments in my life, and I still secretly struggle to cope with it. I wished that there was so much more that I could do, amidst the awful madness. But I couldn't. I felt like a helpless child.
Grandpa, trust me I did all that I could that night, and I'd never prayed as fervently before.
That very day, I lost time - and I lost you.
And now, I miss you.
9 of you.
Dear enough to take your toll on me.
I don't ask for change, but a heart can really only bear that much.
