A couple comments I posted regarding the issue of corporal punishment.
The triggering comment was:
"My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as "respect for others"."
Obviously a heated discussion emanated, some comments more mature than others. So I decided to chip in:
Pt 1:
How about showing the kid in practice what respect means with your own behaviour before ending up as bitter old farts complaining about the "lack of respect" modern youth has. Douches exist everywhere, regardless of sociological groups like age, religion, ethnicity etc.
If the kid is being hyper and thus behaving inappropriately in a situation, a pinch in the ear (or something comparable) to get their attention and then telling them to shape up, should suffice. If this doesn't work, then chances are that it is the result of you already paving the way for this behaviour.
In the case of an otherwise traumatized kid, or a child with autism: now that's a whole other cuppa' noodles.
Yes, these things are convoluted and some kids need a different style of disciplining than others, but it's hardly as straightforward as "spanking = respect". No matter how you define the verb.
- The Autism Spectrum kid who got whippings with her own toy for asking for consistency by questioning and asking for a reason behind things
Pt 2:
Suffering daily panic attacks from age 13 to 15 (when I ran away to live on my own) on my way home from school/work/holiday-trips in fear of the unknown atmospheric conditions awaiting me behind that door was no field trip.
I told my father I feared him and his response was the bullshit one some here have been saying: "Good! It means you respect me!"
Shut his face for a while when I mustered up the courage to tell him that fearful respect is what you have for forces of nature like, HURRICANES because they CAN'T BE RECKONED or REASONED with and wreak havoc in their path. "Is that the kind of person you wanna be? Beyond reason and rationality, destroying your environment?"
The levels of punishment I got lacked consistency with the severity of my disconduct, the only thing I learned was that the more pissed off and stressed he was, the swifter the ass whooping.
I didn't start gaining respect for him until in my 20's when he started maturing and owning up to his behaviour, even learning a brand new word: "sorry"!
I know people with my kind of past easily go "all or nothing" on the corporal punishment issue, i.e. "swift kick in the ass does the kid some good" OR "nonono I would NEVER lay a hand on my child", but as with so many things, a B/W look on this is not healthy. Kids are different, and sometimes a bit of pain will work the way it's supposed to. A loving physical reminder (if/when necessary) of "who's the boss" will not fuck a kid up, harassment and abuse will.
Nobody's perfect and sometimes one might lose their temper and strike a kid: a rare occurrence will not PTSD your kid up and as long as you have the humility to recognize your mistakes and apologize, that is what your offspring will be imprinted with. Don't fear mistakes, you're only human, what matters is that you try your best and mean well, corporal punishment or not.
This is why I was able to forgive my father despite the unspeakable reign of terror he put me through which rendered me severely scarred. I love him, respect him and we're now closer than ever as a result of mutual maturing after everything.
"My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as "respect for others"."
Obviously a heated discussion emanated, some comments more mature than others. So I decided to chip in:
Pt 1:
How about showing the kid in practice what respect means with your own behaviour before ending up as bitter old farts complaining about the "lack of respect" modern youth has. Douches exist everywhere, regardless of sociological groups like age, religion, ethnicity etc.
If the kid is being hyper and thus behaving inappropriately in a situation, a pinch in the ear (or something comparable) to get their attention and then telling them to shape up, should suffice. If this doesn't work, then chances are that it is the result of you already paving the way for this behaviour.
In the case of an otherwise traumatized kid, or a child with autism: now that's a whole other cuppa' noodles.
Yes, these things are convoluted and some kids need a different style of disciplining than others, but it's hardly as straightforward as "spanking = respect". No matter how you define the verb.
- The Autism Spectrum kid who got whippings with her own toy for asking for consistency by questioning and asking for a reason behind things
Pt 2:
Suffering daily panic attacks from age 13 to 15 (when I ran away to live on my own) on my way home from school/work/holiday-trips in fear of the unknown atmospheric conditions awaiting me behind that door was no field trip.
I told my father I feared him and his response was the bullshit one some here have been saying: "Good! It means you respect me!"
Shut his face for a while when I mustered up the courage to tell him that fearful respect is what you have for forces of nature like, HURRICANES because they CAN'T BE RECKONED or REASONED with and wreak havoc in their path. "Is that the kind of person you wanna be? Beyond reason and rationality, destroying your environment?"
The levels of punishment I got lacked consistency with the severity of my disconduct, the only thing I learned was that the more pissed off and stressed he was, the swifter the ass whooping.
I didn't start gaining respect for him until in my 20's when he started maturing and owning up to his behaviour, even learning a brand new word: "sorry"!
I know people with my kind of past easily go "all or nothing" on the corporal punishment issue, i.e. "swift kick in the ass does the kid some good" OR "nonono I would NEVER lay a hand on my child", but as with so many things, a B/W look on this is not healthy. Kids are different, and sometimes a bit of pain will work the way it's supposed to. A loving physical reminder (if/when necessary) of "who's the boss" will not fuck a kid up, harassment and abuse will.
Nobody's perfect and sometimes one might lose their temper and strike a kid: a rare occurrence will not PTSD your kid up and as long as you have the humility to recognize your mistakes and apologize, that is what your offspring will be imprinted with. Don't fear mistakes, you're only human, what matters is that you try your best and mean well, corporal punishment or not.
This is why I was able to forgive my father despite the unspeakable reign of terror he put me through which rendered me severely scarred. I love him, respect him and we're now closer than ever as a result of mutual maturing after everything.