(no subject)
I woke up this morning hoping that last night was just a terrible nightmare...it wasn't. Turns out I never had a true friend. Fooled since -08.
I can say that the worst part of my adult life just started. It's a completely different matter when narcissistic bf/gf's dump you, that happens to everyone. But when a best friend, someone who promised to be by your side no matter what, until you get on your feet again and become a complete person decides to leave, then it's no matter to shrug off.
I really thought he was different from all the rest of the lying bastards out there who smooth talk you, get what they want out of you and then when they've gotten what they were after, dump you with no regards of what promises they gave, or what they ever said/did to win your trust.
I thought I had a radar for this kind of pricks. But turns out this one had me big time.
Hear me, you? You're just like the rest. Be proud of having yet another fooled bitch on your spreadsheet of hearts you've broken. You popped that cherry on this one, the one who thought she'd never fall into one of these traps.
I thought I could trust said "friend". In quotation marks because, true friends don't leave you when you're at your worst just because you're being too bad off emotionally in order to give them their every petty demand. I guess I never had any true friends at all. Wonder if I ever will.
"I wish I could've been in your life back then when..." blah blah blah. How can I ever trust ANYTHING this person ever said to me? Even if I'd want to fool myself so that I could embalm my bruised ego/heart and maybe heal some day. But I can't do that with lies...
I don't wanna heal anymore. I just simply can't do this on my own, all by myself in this cold, hostile world.
I thought I had an ally.
I didn't.
Every man for himself applies.
This person made me believe that this wasn't the case, that I'd be better off with them. Melted my ice queen facade, the very thing that had kept me alive til then.
Now I have to rebuild this from scratch. Unless I break before I manage to do that.
It is very possible that this corpse carrying around my dead soul maybe have withered and died within the next days. It's not very long that an empty shell can sustain itself with no real essence inside to nourish it and motivate it to keep on going.
From the age of lies and deceit, from the age of loneliness, from a dead woman... greetings.
I can say that the worst part of my adult life just started. It's a completely different matter when narcissistic bf/gf's dump you, that happens to everyone. But when a best friend, someone who promised to be by your side no matter what, until you get on your feet again and become a complete person decides to leave, then it's no matter to shrug off.
I really thought he was different from all the rest of the lying bastards out there who smooth talk you, get what they want out of you and then when they've gotten what they were after, dump you with no regards of what promises they gave, or what they ever said/did to win your trust.
I thought I had a radar for this kind of pricks. But turns out this one had me big time.
Hear me, you? You're just like the rest. Be proud of having yet another fooled bitch on your spreadsheet of hearts you've broken. You popped that cherry on this one, the one who thought she'd never fall into one of these traps.
I thought I could trust said "friend". In quotation marks because, true friends don't leave you when you're at your worst just because you're being too bad off emotionally in order to give them their every petty demand. I guess I never had any true friends at all. Wonder if I ever will.
"I wish I could've been in your life back then when..." blah blah blah. How can I ever trust ANYTHING this person ever said to me? Even if I'd want to fool myself so that I could embalm my bruised ego/heart and maybe heal some day. But I can't do that with lies...
I don't wanna heal anymore. I just simply can't do this on my own, all by myself in this cold, hostile world.
I thought I had an ally.
I didn't.
Every man for himself applies.
This person made me believe that this wasn't the case, that I'd be better off with them. Melted my ice queen facade, the very thing that had kept me alive til then.
Now I have to rebuild this from scratch. Unless I break before I manage to do that.
It is very possible that this corpse carrying around my dead soul maybe have withered and died within the next days. It's not very long that an empty shell can sustain itself with no real essence inside to nourish it and motivate it to keep on going.
From the age of lies and deceit, from the age of loneliness, from a dead woman... greetings.