Hello
Sick and Tired today.
I have some head cold. I feel ok. I have never felt this good during a cold, I think it's cause I'm in good shape and smoke-free. It's really much more bearable than when I was heavier and smoking. Thank God.
So since I have been making daily efforts to abandon just about all the other addictive things in my life, I am left with only caffeine as a chemical (as far as I know). Now, I am constantly caffeinated and don't really know what it feels like to be without it. And it's been bothering me that I have held onto it while letting everything else go. Why? Cause food, tabacco, weed, booze, these things are all stress relievers that I depend on too much instead of dealing with whatever it is I need to deal with, aka, life, simple feelings, etc. So, I have been wondering what non-caffeinated life would be like, but it's like my last pacifier and I don't want to give it up cause it seems harmless, but, heh, so are rubber pacifiers and security blankets, and kids get those taken away for their own good, so, finally, yesterday I was struck with the urge to let it go. I followed the feeling and now it's day 2 with no caffeine, and I feel really nice. It kinda makes my blood boil a bit, I think. I have alot of anger anyway and I think it's incited a bit by the caffeine. And, of course, as with everything else, I feel a further freedom from impatience when I know I will be getting a hit soon, and I get really snappy at anyone who wants my attention when all I am thinking about is the coming hit. I also feel much more relaxed, which I usually am, but moreso now, kinda sleepy all day, but not sleepy, just, um, never wired, probably cause I'm not. That's nice too. That's about it for now. Thanks.
Um, food. I am not good at this food thing. At this point I know what is a hit for me and I NEED to drop to my knees when the urges come. It is a total waste of time to try and a) discuss with myself whether or not I am going to compulively eat when I want to or b) try and encourage myself to a better way, morally or health consciously or c) try and ignore it, or d) try and figure out why it is I feel this way. God pulls me through. Like right now, I want to eat. It is never going to go away and I want to be clear with anyone who thinks I must be a man of great moral fiber, think again. God has pulled me through.
www.oa.org
I have some head cold. I feel ok. I have never felt this good during a cold, I think it's cause I'm in good shape and smoke-free. It's really much more bearable than when I was heavier and smoking. Thank God.
So since I have been making daily efforts to abandon just about all the other addictive things in my life, I am left with only caffeine as a chemical (as far as I know). Now, I am constantly caffeinated and don't really know what it feels like to be without it. And it's been bothering me that I have held onto it while letting everything else go. Why? Cause food, tabacco, weed, booze, these things are all stress relievers that I depend on too much instead of dealing with whatever it is I need to deal with, aka, life, simple feelings, etc. So, I have been wondering what non-caffeinated life would be like, but it's like my last pacifier and I don't want to give it up cause it seems harmless, but, heh, so are rubber pacifiers and security blankets, and kids get those taken away for their own good, so, finally, yesterday I was struck with the urge to let it go. I followed the feeling and now it's day 2 with no caffeine, and I feel really nice. It kinda makes my blood boil a bit, I think. I have alot of anger anyway and I think it's incited a bit by the caffeine. And, of course, as with everything else, I feel a further freedom from impatience when I know I will be getting a hit soon, and I get really snappy at anyone who wants my attention when all I am thinking about is the coming hit. I also feel much more relaxed, which I usually am, but moreso now, kinda sleepy all day, but not sleepy, just, um, never wired, probably cause I'm not. That's nice too. That's about it for now. Thanks.
Um, food. I am not good at this food thing. At this point I know what is a hit for me and I NEED to drop to my knees when the urges come. It is a total waste of time to try and a) discuss with myself whether or not I am going to compulively eat when I want to or b) try and encourage myself to a better way, morally or health consciously or c) try and ignore it, or d) try and figure out why it is I feel this way. God pulls me through. Like right now, I want to eat. It is never going to go away and I want to be clear with anyone who thinks I must be a man of great moral fiber, think again. God has pulled me through.
www.oa.org