DBSK - A Work of Heart [YunhoxJaejoong] PART ONE
Title: A Work of Heart (part 1/3)
Pairing: Yunho x Jaejoong, ?? x ??
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Drama, insanity?
Summary: Loss paves a path to love and insanity.
Notes: Written for the JaeHo fanfic contest. Won first place. Don't ask me how. Next chapters will be posted within a few minutes.
Warning: Character death.
Part one: Heart to Last
The simple journey from Korea to Japan, Seoul to Tokyo, had been done countless times by now. Asia’s stars TVXQ found their way to the right gate easily, familiar with the security system and used to the sound of high-pitched voices greeting them. Sleep tugged at their eyelids as the gloomy sky of the land of the rising sun filtered through their sunglasses and forced them to switch their minds back to another language. It had all become procedure by now.
Lately the members had been relying on one another more than ever. With their fame bigger than before, their lives had become more complicated. There was no way they could venture out on their own anymore, bodyguards now a must in almost every Asian country they visited. Their schedules didn’t allow any room for leisure, their days filled up with endless interviews and practice sessions that had them all longing for the few hours of sleep they could get.
Promoting yet another new album, TVXQ smiled for the camera that was currently focused on them and a Japanese MC in the lobby of the hotel they were residing in. They would move to an apartment soon, or so management had told them, but there had been some trouble with arranging it on time. Yunho threw concerned glances around the group, tired yet needing to make sure everyone was doing alright.
Changmin seemed to have trouble to keep his eyes open, but he was kept awake by the questions the MC asked him and he answered in near-flawless Japanese. Junsu was hanging against the armrest just a little too much; a sign that even the happy-faced singer had lost his energy for today. There was some short interaction between Jaejoong and Yoochun, where the former-American ran his fingers over the other’s knee to have him snap out of the trance he had focused on the wall opposite of them.
-
The questions were answered easily, because they were the same as always. Afterwards, with the annoying MC’s voice still ringing in their ears, the five members gathered in one of the rooms they got appointed. They could’ve used that time to catch up on some sleep, but Yunho had looked rather distressed when announcing he had something to share with the members.
“Scandals,” was the only word the leader said before laying out the various magazines on the coffee table. He had gotten them earlier from their manager, along with a serious warning gaze that held no room for discussions. He had to fix this, being the leader he had to talk with the members about this.
“But there’s always a few scandals when we return here,” Junsu protested, folded up in one of the armchairs and definitely not up for a long speech on how they could all brush up on their public attitudes.
Changmin reached for one of the magazines to read the headlines, his brow furrowing in mild confusion. His eyes scanned the other members, meeting Yoochun’s weary gaze. “They are not about us,” he informed, tossing the magazine back on the coffee table.
The other three members all leaned forward then, inspecting the headlines themselves as the youngest exchanged glances with Yunho, feeling how this could bring a bad image to their band. It wasn’t the first time this happened either and nobody wanted to make the same mistake twice.
“Your brother…” was all Jaejoong uttered, staring from the photo on the cover to Yoochun’s face, which, after he had read a headline or two, turned pale in concern and slight embarrassment.
“Ricky shows what brother taught him over the years,” Junsu read, browsing through the magazine until he reached the article. “Ricky, younger brother of famous Micky Yoochun, has shown no mercy when it comes to dating women. Already seen at underground parties, Micky Yoochun’s little brother proclaims he learned it all from the best; TVXQ’s former American himself. Is Micky’s innocent image just a façade? Meanwhile, Ricky has been put in a group, together with two other, less notorious SM trainees to make his debut this year-“
“That’s quite enough,” Yunho silenced the younger member, his eyes on Yoochun as he had put his head in his hands, obviously upset over the situation. Meeting Jaejoong’s eyes, the leader nodded and soon the blonde had his arm around Yoochun, rubbing at his back and shoulders to keep him together.
“I know you had nothing to do with this,” Yunho said, voicing his trust in Yoochun. “Yet we need to resolve this. If your brother continues to do this, your honesty will be doubted and so will our group be. We cannot risk that,” he added, standing up and gesturing for them to find a place to rest until the morning came.
Yoochun just shook his head and leaned into Jaejoong’s embrace, letting that soothe him for now.
-
The scandals had resolved themselves at one point and TVXQ was heading for a new jacket photo shoot. The upcoming single’s news had captured the fans’ hearts instead of the rumours that encircled Yoochun. The sales of their album had been rather disappointing though and the amount of hate messages sent to them had increased tremendously after the magazines had been published.
Whilst talking to someone on the phone, Yunho watched as Jaejoong had his solo photos taken. Intrigued by the man’s ever apparent charm, the leader leaned back against one of the walls and mumbled his message and confirmation before putting his cell away. Breaking his concentration on the main vocalist, Yoochun appeared and slung an arm around his waist.
“Enchanted, leader?” Yoochun asked in English, snickering at Yunho’s raised brow and pulling away from him afterwards. “I don’t know how he does those faces,” Yoochun tried to imitate Jaejoong’s expression but failed horribly. “If I could just grasp one of those faces and express them to the camera as well… maybe then they wouldn’t make me go last next time.”
Yunho’s eyes travelled over Yoochun’s body, taking in the subtle, but to him very noticeable weakness that showed there. It was no news to him that Yoochun envied Jaejoong and followed his every move, even if jokingly put, trying to be more like him. He grinned then, his arm coming round Yoochun’s shoulders to squeeze at. “More confidence, Chunnie-ah. You hold a charm Jaejoong will never hold. His is not yours to take; you’re already so much of a sight on your own.”
There was laughter then; the two of them watching Jaejoong finish his photo shoot. Changmin joined them, sharing a bottle of water before dumping the remainder over a sweating Junsu. The tenor exclaimed a cry of surprise that echoed through the room before he took the towel the youngest was carrying to dry himself off.
“The van has arrived,” Jaejoong announced after he had changed the set of clothing he had to wear for the shoot. “They arranged a cab for Yoochun I think? We have to look through the questions for tomorrow’s interview,” Jaejoong raised an eyebrow at Yunho to see if he was correct, always checking the details with the man before confirming them himself.
“Yeah, Yoochun will be picked up by a cab once he is done,” Yunho assured the group and Yoochun nodded slowly, used to these situations. Often one of them would fall behind on the others and would have to catch up afterwards. With the photo shoot taking longer than expected, Yoochun was the one who had to make up for that mistake now.
They said their goodbyes; Yunho squeezing Yoochun’s shoulder one last time to wish him good luck on the job before the leader too headed for the van that was waiting outside.
-
Jaejoong leaned slightly against Yunho’s side, eyes on the paper the other was holding. There were about twenty questions written on the sheet to which they often could just copy an answer they had given somewhere else. Changmin was already rehearsing the answers he would give, Junsu pretending to be the interviewer. The two of them made a game out of it whilst the older men were far too worn out to say anything out loud.
Time passed, room service bringing in their dinner and slowly but surely a frown spread over Jaejoong’s face, his eyes wandering to the clock. Yunho followed the blonde’s concerned stare and he too started to frown a little, not exactly understanding what was taking Yoochun so long to get back to the hotel.
Junsu chased a piece of tofu in his miso soup with skilfully held chopsticks. He only looked up when Yunho flicked out his cell phone. “Are you going to phone Chunnie-ah?” he wondered, eyes now moving to the clock as well and he realised hours had passed since they had returned here without a sign of Yoochun.
The leader nodded, his face serious and that was most of the time something that unlocked the concern in the other members’ hearts as well. If Yunho thought of something as bad, strange or troublesome, it probably was. Most of the time, Yunho had been right when suspecting something regarding people’s whereabouts or status.
“Maybe he got in trouble?” Junsu opted, now munching thoughtfully on a piece of rather chewy wakame. Changmin shrugged at that, knowing Yoochun was the last person in their group to get in any serious trouble. Junsu swallowed and then reached for his cell phone to check if maybe he had received a message from the man.
Jaejoong’s mouth twisted disapprovingly when Yunho closed his cell phone again and shook his head. “He’s not picking up. Maybe they are still working on the shoot but it’s been a few hours now and I don’t think any of us have ever taken that long to complete anything. If something serious had happened, he would’ve called us…” he swallowed the words that wanted to follow, not needing to upset anyone when nothing had been confirmed yet.
Everyone caught on though; each one of the members knew that the leader’s expression meant he was worried beyond belief with a valid reason to be so. Jaejoong’s appetite had long gone and Junsu stared at his soup as if it was the vilest thing on earth. Even Changmin didn’t enjoy his agemono, even though he loved tempura a lot.
-
The time they spent huddled on the sofa seemed to pass slower than ever. Dinner had become cold and hardly anybody had eaten anything. Jaejoong had fallen asleep against Yunho’s shoulder, his head lolling to the side. The leader’s eyes were tired, wearily reading over the questions again yet not taking in a single word he read. His mind was only occupied with one thing and by the way Jaejoong was turning in his sleep, he knew the man was probably with him in his worry.
Changmin had gone to his room, trying to distract himself with some music. His stomach reminded him of the fact he had hardly eaten, but strangely enough he wasn’t hungry at all. With eyes fixed on the ceiling, he lay on his bed, wondering if Yoochun would return on time or if he would fall in sleep just like Jaejoong before he could see the man coming home. They shared a room, which wasn’t a common thing to occur and the youngest had therefore been looking forward to talking to the man at night.
In another room, Junsu was playing on the electric piano they had brought along. It wasn’t a keyboard and yet it wasn’t a real piano. Junsu liked it because he could plug in headphones and be the only one to listen to the sounds it made. His fingers moved over the keys, but his mouth was dry and his teeth kept nibbling on his lower lip, taking his mind to another place. As his thoughts wandered off, he didn’t even realise he hadn’t pressed down on a single key for almost an hour.
“Joongie,” Yunho’s arm lay around Jaejoong’s shoulder as he tried to wake him gently. “Your phone,” he mumbled, unable to take the other man’s phone out of his grasp. It could be Yoochun and he probably had a very good reason for being this late. With a startle the other man awoke, eyes blinking a few times, his face close to the leader’s as he slowly took notice of the familiar ringtone.
Within seconds he had the cell phone to his ear, a smile spreading across his face as he greeted Yoochun in the way he always did. Yoochun’s name had flashed on the screen before he had picked up and therefore, he felt as if everything was fine. Even Yunho grinned, leaning back with a satisfied expression. Yoochun. Maybe the man had been out drinking with some of the staff.
Jaejoong’s mouth tightened after his greeting though and his hand reached out to grasp Yunho’s, which was on top of his knee. He didn’t look at the leader, but his fingers tightened around the other man’s. Yunho was alarmed immediately and leaned in to be able to hear who was talking on the other end of the line.
When Jaejoong dropped the phone with a horrid cry coming from his lips, all Yunho could do was to bring his arms tight around the other’s body. They didn’t even notice the others come back into the room anymore.
-
They stayed up all night, embracing one another with arms that just felt too weak to really embrace. Nobody said a single word, tears spilling soundlessly, never drying up on their faces. They couldn’t tell where one person ended and where another began, they couldn’t feel the difference between their own tears and the tears another shed. It felt like there was nothing left to do but cling to one another.
Their trembling seemed synchronised, the couch suddenly big enough to hold all four of them. Yunho’s chin rested on Jaejoong’s head, his face broken under the undeniable grief that held them in its grasp. Changmin’s arms were tight around Jaejoong’s waist, his face pressing against shoulder blades, chests and whatever human part he could reach. Junsu was a ball, rolled up half-way onto Yunho’s lap, fingers clutching the youngest shirt.
The air was too heavy to breathe in, too cold to enter their lungs. They shared the warmth coming from their bodies, until they too had turned cold. Never did anyone register the fact someone had been knocking on their door for quite a time now, not allowing any presence but their own.
Only when the door was opened with a key, probably belonging to the hotel staff, did they catch on. Yunho opened his eyes, red from all the crying to stare at the intruders wearily, unable to welcome them in any way. Jaejoong just tightened his hold on the leader’s shirt, pressing his face against the man’s throat. Junsu unfolded himself a little, enough to peek through over the couch to see who had entered. Changmin blocked out everything, pretending to be asleep and living a bad dream.
“…boys,” was everything their manager could utter, his own face just as badly attacked by the news as their own. Next to him stood someone who vaguely resembled a police officer and that was all Junsu had to see to return to his previous position.
Only Yunho managed to make some sort of expression of question, his eyebrows raised slightly yet unable to stay like that for a long time. Fresh tears rolled out of the corner of his eye, making him hang his head once more to rest against Jaejoong’s soft hair. He pretended the scent he found there wasn’t the same as Yoochun’s shampoo, even though he knew very well the two of them shared the product.
The officer started talking, words filling the room after an hour-long silence. Everything sounded too loud, too harsh and too unrealistic to actually make sense to any of them. Their manager had by now sat down on one of the chairs, head in his hands. No reaction came, everyone just waiting for the man to finish talking.
“…Park Yoochun, identified by the passport he had on him, was found near Saitama. He had been dead approximately two hours before he was found. It was definitely a case of homicide and we have found various types of evidence. There was a note… I’m not sure if the message means anything to you, but it was in Korean…” the inspector worked his tongue in unfamiliar shapes to pronounce the words he had Romanised.
“Your filthy ways of deluding people with your innocent image can continue no more.”
-
The news hit the fans just as hard; websites went on hiatus, message boards couldn’t handle the amount of traffic and flowers were sent to the hotel rooms TVXQ resided in. Details on the murder were lost among the speculations and gossip, the only real truth known to those closest to the now deceased singer.
TVXQ spend their time with one another, unable to go anywhere or do anything on their own. The need to be together was so strong that eyes would fix on bathroom doors when one of them needed to go to the toilet. They hadn’t said much in all this time, two days passing without full sentences being made.
They lived off nothing, the sadness eating them from the inside out, dragging them into a vicious circle of sleep and hours in another’s arms. Changmin couldn’t handle the news in any way, crying the most out of the four of them, often seeking the comfort of a chest. The young boy looked like he had aged ten years in a flash, hair uncombed and messy around his tired face.
Junsu was no better. The tenor looked so fragile that one feared him breaking at any point. He stared at nothing in particular, but most of the time he curled up in a warm place, holding his knees to his forehead as if that would erase the awful knowledge of one of his best friends disappearing.
Jaejoong occupied himself with staring at walls, ceilings, tables, glasses, anything as long as it wasn’t human. Yoochun’s heart had been so warm; he had been so human that any embrace, any sigh reminded him of the gentle singer. He could only stand the presence of the other members, their spirits just as deflated as his own, their hearts just as broken as the one he carried heavily in his ribcage.
The one who seemed most broken under everything was Yunho. The leader hadn’t moved, had only sat on the couch and blindly accepting anyone’s need for comfort. He ran hands through hair, wrapped arms around waists and bitterly swallowed away tears even though he could not stop them from falling.
Their manager had visited at least three times a day, making sure all of them were still alive. He looked far from his usual being, no smile gracing his features anymore, only worry etching out the wrinkles around his eyes more. He knew this was the end, just as much as the others didn’t want to accept it.
-
Announcing their break-up had been the toughest thing to do. Their hearts and minds were filled with Yoochun, their throats locking up whenever they wanted to say something. It took one entire day to record a one minute long message to their fans. Japanese was the most difficult language ever to them all of the sudden, so in the end the message was recorded in Korean and subtitled.
Even though fans had been expecting the news, a lot of protests arose from the crowd. TVXQ was no more, yet nobody thought of leaving for their homes. The five of them belonged together, nothing could take the empty spot Yoochun had left behind so they had to preserve it, had to keep it for the man. The only way of doing so was to stay together, the hotel rooms becoming their home for a long time.
When the wrongdoer, the murderer had been caught, they left their safe haven to visit the police station. Many fans were lined up at the building too, shouting out to them as they passed by hand in hand. Many of them were crying, but TVXQ chose to hide their tears behind sunglasses.
Yoochun’s body had been found cut open. Though these details had been told before, the realisation of what it actually meant hit them when they were finally seated at the desk of the officer. Jaejoong felt sick at the explanation, the mere idea of the man’s internal organs having been removed something he wouldn’t wish upon his most hated enemy.
They all shared the hate towards whoever had done this, no words able to change their minds. Even Yunho, who had always found a way to explain one’s motivations in the past, seemed to harbour intense revulsion.
The word that fell from the officer’s lips was one they hadn’t wanted to hear. “Anti-fan”, a thing they had experienced before. Her name engraved itself in the members’ memories, her face blurred out on the photo they were shown. She seemed far too young, yet so corrupted that they didn’t want to believe it at first. The officer only reassured them that the evidence they had found had directed them straight to her.
Her name would not be announced publically. The members had to agree on that, even though deep inside they all wished for some great disaster to happen that would take away her life, just as she had taken away Yoochun’s life so gruesomely.
-
It was raining slightly and the grey clouds that had gathered themselves above the graveyard reflected the moods of the people gathered there. Their fingers linked together, the four boys left silently listened to various people talking. They had chosen not to speak, no words able to describe how much they had loved Yoochun.
There was one final thing to do and Jaejoong turned his face heavenwards as his voice brokenly started singing a line. He was joined by the other three, their acapella nowhere near what it used to sound. The empty space they left in between their turns was the place they held for Yoochun, an unspoken promise.
Pairing: Yunho x Jaejoong, ?? x ??
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Drama, insanity?
Summary: Loss paves a path to love and insanity.
Notes: Written for the JaeHo fanfic contest. Won first place. Don't ask me how. Next chapters will be posted within a few minutes.
Warning: Character death.
Part one: Heart to Last
The simple journey from Korea to Japan, Seoul to Tokyo, had been done countless times by now. Asia’s stars TVXQ found their way to the right gate easily, familiar with the security system and used to the sound of high-pitched voices greeting them. Sleep tugged at their eyelids as the gloomy sky of the land of the rising sun filtered through their sunglasses and forced them to switch their minds back to another language. It had all become procedure by now.
Lately the members had been relying on one another more than ever. With their fame bigger than before, their lives had become more complicated. There was no way they could venture out on their own anymore, bodyguards now a must in almost every Asian country they visited. Their schedules didn’t allow any room for leisure, their days filled up with endless interviews and practice sessions that had them all longing for the few hours of sleep they could get.
Promoting yet another new album, TVXQ smiled for the camera that was currently focused on them and a Japanese MC in the lobby of the hotel they were residing in. They would move to an apartment soon, or so management had told them, but there had been some trouble with arranging it on time. Yunho threw concerned glances around the group, tired yet needing to make sure everyone was doing alright.
Changmin seemed to have trouble to keep his eyes open, but he was kept awake by the questions the MC asked him and he answered in near-flawless Japanese. Junsu was hanging against the armrest just a little too much; a sign that even the happy-faced singer had lost his energy for today. There was some short interaction between Jaejoong and Yoochun, where the former-American ran his fingers over the other’s knee to have him snap out of the trance he had focused on the wall opposite of them.
-
The questions were answered easily, because they were the same as always. Afterwards, with the annoying MC’s voice still ringing in their ears, the five members gathered in one of the rooms they got appointed. They could’ve used that time to catch up on some sleep, but Yunho had looked rather distressed when announcing he had something to share with the members.
“Scandals,” was the only word the leader said before laying out the various magazines on the coffee table. He had gotten them earlier from their manager, along with a serious warning gaze that held no room for discussions. He had to fix this, being the leader he had to talk with the members about this.
“But there’s always a few scandals when we return here,” Junsu protested, folded up in one of the armchairs and definitely not up for a long speech on how they could all brush up on their public attitudes.
Changmin reached for one of the magazines to read the headlines, his brow furrowing in mild confusion. His eyes scanned the other members, meeting Yoochun’s weary gaze. “They are not about us,” he informed, tossing the magazine back on the coffee table.
The other three members all leaned forward then, inspecting the headlines themselves as the youngest exchanged glances with Yunho, feeling how this could bring a bad image to their band. It wasn’t the first time this happened either and nobody wanted to make the same mistake twice.
“Your brother…” was all Jaejoong uttered, staring from the photo on the cover to Yoochun’s face, which, after he had read a headline or two, turned pale in concern and slight embarrassment.
“Ricky shows what brother taught him over the years,” Junsu read, browsing through the magazine until he reached the article. “Ricky, younger brother of famous Micky Yoochun, has shown no mercy when it comes to dating women. Already seen at underground parties, Micky Yoochun’s little brother proclaims he learned it all from the best; TVXQ’s former American himself. Is Micky’s innocent image just a façade? Meanwhile, Ricky has been put in a group, together with two other, less notorious SM trainees to make his debut this year-“
“That’s quite enough,” Yunho silenced the younger member, his eyes on Yoochun as he had put his head in his hands, obviously upset over the situation. Meeting Jaejoong’s eyes, the leader nodded and soon the blonde had his arm around Yoochun, rubbing at his back and shoulders to keep him together.
“I know you had nothing to do with this,” Yunho said, voicing his trust in Yoochun. “Yet we need to resolve this. If your brother continues to do this, your honesty will be doubted and so will our group be. We cannot risk that,” he added, standing up and gesturing for them to find a place to rest until the morning came.
Yoochun just shook his head and leaned into Jaejoong’s embrace, letting that soothe him for now.
-
The scandals had resolved themselves at one point and TVXQ was heading for a new jacket photo shoot. The upcoming single’s news had captured the fans’ hearts instead of the rumours that encircled Yoochun. The sales of their album had been rather disappointing though and the amount of hate messages sent to them had increased tremendously after the magazines had been published.
Whilst talking to someone on the phone, Yunho watched as Jaejoong had his solo photos taken. Intrigued by the man’s ever apparent charm, the leader leaned back against one of the walls and mumbled his message and confirmation before putting his cell away. Breaking his concentration on the main vocalist, Yoochun appeared and slung an arm around his waist.
“Enchanted, leader?” Yoochun asked in English, snickering at Yunho’s raised brow and pulling away from him afterwards. “I don’t know how he does those faces,” Yoochun tried to imitate Jaejoong’s expression but failed horribly. “If I could just grasp one of those faces and express them to the camera as well… maybe then they wouldn’t make me go last next time.”
Yunho’s eyes travelled over Yoochun’s body, taking in the subtle, but to him very noticeable weakness that showed there. It was no news to him that Yoochun envied Jaejoong and followed his every move, even if jokingly put, trying to be more like him. He grinned then, his arm coming round Yoochun’s shoulders to squeeze at. “More confidence, Chunnie-ah. You hold a charm Jaejoong will never hold. His is not yours to take; you’re already so much of a sight on your own.”
There was laughter then; the two of them watching Jaejoong finish his photo shoot. Changmin joined them, sharing a bottle of water before dumping the remainder over a sweating Junsu. The tenor exclaimed a cry of surprise that echoed through the room before he took the towel the youngest was carrying to dry himself off.
“The van has arrived,” Jaejoong announced after he had changed the set of clothing he had to wear for the shoot. “They arranged a cab for Yoochun I think? We have to look through the questions for tomorrow’s interview,” Jaejoong raised an eyebrow at Yunho to see if he was correct, always checking the details with the man before confirming them himself.
“Yeah, Yoochun will be picked up by a cab once he is done,” Yunho assured the group and Yoochun nodded slowly, used to these situations. Often one of them would fall behind on the others and would have to catch up afterwards. With the photo shoot taking longer than expected, Yoochun was the one who had to make up for that mistake now.
They said their goodbyes; Yunho squeezing Yoochun’s shoulder one last time to wish him good luck on the job before the leader too headed for the van that was waiting outside.
-
Jaejoong leaned slightly against Yunho’s side, eyes on the paper the other was holding. There were about twenty questions written on the sheet to which they often could just copy an answer they had given somewhere else. Changmin was already rehearsing the answers he would give, Junsu pretending to be the interviewer. The two of them made a game out of it whilst the older men were far too worn out to say anything out loud.
Time passed, room service bringing in their dinner and slowly but surely a frown spread over Jaejoong’s face, his eyes wandering to the clock. Yunho followed the blonde’s concerned stare and he too started to frown a little, not exactly understanding what was taking Yoochun so long to get back to the hotel.
Junsu chased a piece of tofu in his miso soup with skilfully held chopsticks. He only looked up when Yunho flicked out his cell phone. “Are you going to phone Chunnie-ah?” he wondered, eyes now moving to the clock as well and he realised hours had passed since they had returned here without a sign of Yoochun.
The leader nodded, his face serious and that was most of the time something that unlocked the concern in the other members’ hearts as well. If Yunho thought of something as bad, strange or troublesome, it probably was. Most of the time, Yunho had been right when suspecting something regarding people’s whereabouts or status.
“Maybe he got in trouble?” Junsu opted, now munching thoughtfully on a piece of rather chewy wakame. Changmin shrugged at that, knowing Yoochun was the last person in their group to get in any serious trouble. Junsu swallowed and then reached for his cell phone to check if maybe he had received a message from the man.
Jaejoong’s mouth twisted disapprovingly when Yunho closed his cell phone again and shook his head. “He’s not picking up. Maybe they are still working on the shoot but it’s been a few hours now and I don’t think any of us have ever taken that long to complete anything. If something serious had happened, he would’ve called us…” he swallowed the words that wanted to follow, not needing to upset anyone when nothing had been confirmed yet.
Everyone caught on though; each one of the members knew that the leader’s expression meant he was worried beyond belief with a valid reason to be so. Jaejoong’s appetite had long gone and Junsu stared at his soup as if it was the vilest thing on earth. Even Changmin didn’t enjoy his agemono, even though he loved tempura a lot.
-
The time they spent huddled on the sofa seemed to pass slower than ever. Dinner had become cold and hardly anybody had eaten anything. Jaejoong had fallen asleep against Yunho’s shoulder, his head lolling to the side. The leader’s eyes were tired, wearily reading over the questions again yet not taking in a single word he read. His mind was only occupied with one thing and by the way Jaejoong was turning in his sleep, he knew the man was probably with him in his worry.
Changmin had gone to his room, trying to distract himself with some music. His stomach reminded him of the fact he had hardly eaten, but strangely enough he wasn’t hungry at all. With eyes fixed on the ceiling, he lay on his bed, wondering if Yoochun would return on time or if he would fall in sleep just like Jaejoong before he could see the man coming home. They shared a room, which wasn’t a common thing to occur and the youngest had therefore been looking forward to talking to the man at night.
In another room, Junsu was playing on the electric piano they had brought along. It wasn’t a keyboard and yet it wasn’t a real piano. Junsu liked it because he could plug in headphones and be the only one to listen to the sounds it made. His fingers moved over the keys, but his mouth was dry and his teeth kept nibbling on his lower lip, taking his mind to another place. As his thoughts wandered off, he didn’t even realise he hadn’t pressed down on a single key for almost an hour.
“Joongie,” Yunho’s arm lay around Jaejoong’s shoulder as he tried to wake him gently. “Your phone,” he mumbled, unable to take the other man’s phone out of his grasp. It could be Yoochun and he probably had a very good reason for being this late. With a startle the other man awoke, eyes blinking a few times, his face close to the leader’s as he slowly took notice of the familiar ringtone.
Within seconds he had the cell phone to his ear, a smile spreading across his face as he greeted Yoochun in the way he always did. Yoochun’s name had flashed on the screen before he had picked up and therefore, he felt as if everything was fine. Even Yunho grinned, leaning back with a satisfied expression. Yoochun. Maybe the man had been out drinking with some of the staff.
Jaejoong’s mouth tightened after his greeting though and his hand reached out to grasp Yunho’s, which was on top of his knee. He didn’t look at the leader, but his fingers tightened around the other man’s. Yunho was alarmed immediately and leaned in to be able to hear who was talking on the other end of the line.
When Jaejoong dropped the phone with a horrid cry coming from his lips, all Yunho could do was to bring his arms tight around the other’s body. They didn’t even notice the others come back into the room anymore.
-
They stayed up all night, embracing one another with arms that just felt too weak to really embrace. Nobody said a single word, tears spilling soundlessly, never drying up on their faces. They couldn’t tell where one person ended and where another began, they couldn’t feel the difference between their own tears and the tears another shed. It felt like there was nothing left to do but cling to one another.
Their trembling seemed synchronised, the couch suddenly big enough to hold all four of them. Yunho’s chin rested on Jaejoong’s head, his face broken under the undeniable grief that held them in its grasp. Changmin’s arms were tight around Jaejoong’s waist, his face pressing against shoulder blades, chests and whatever human part he could reach. Junsu was a ball, rolled up half-way onto Yunho’s lap, fingers clutching the youngest shirt.
The air was too heavy to breathe in, too cold to enter their lungs. They shared the warmth coming from their bodies, until they too had turned cold. Never did anyone register the fact someone had been knocking on their door for quite a time now, not allowing any presence but their own.
Only when the door was opened with a key, probably belonging to the hotel staff, did they catch on. Yunho opened his eyes, red from all the crying to stare at the intruders wearily, unable to welcome them in any way. Jaejoong just tightened his hold on the leader’s shirt, pressing his face against the man’s throat. Junsu unfolded himself a little, enough to peek through over the couch to see who had entered. Changmin blocked out everything, pretending to be asleep and living a bad dream.
“…boys,” was everything their manager could utter, his own face just as badly attacked by the news as their own. Next to him stood someone who vaguely resembled a police officer and that was all Junsu had to see to return to his previous position.
Only Yunho managed to make some sort of expression of question, his eyebrows raised slightly yet unable to stay like that for a long time. Fresh tears rolled out of the corner of his eye, making him hang his head once more to rest against Jaejoong’s soft hair. He pretended the scent he found there wasn’t the same as Yoochun’s shampoo, even though he knew very well the two of them shared the product.
The officer started talking, words filling the room after an hour-long silence. Everything sounded too loud, too harsh and too unrealistic to actually make sense to any of them. Their manager had by now sat down on one of the chairs, head in his hands. No reaction came, everyone just waiting for the man to finish talking.
“…Park Yoochun, identified by the passport he had on him, was found near Saitama. He had been dead approximately two hours before he was found. It was definitely a case of homicide and we have found various types of evidence. There was a note… I’m not sure if the message means anything to you, but it was in Korean…” the inspector worked his tongue in unfamiliar shapes to pronounce the words he had Romanised.
“Your filthy ways of deluding people with your innocent image can continue no more.”
-
The news hit the fans just as hard; websites went on hiatus, message boards couldn’t handle the amount of traffic and flowers were sent to the hotel rooms TVXQ resided in. Details on the murder were lost among the speculations and gossip, the only real truth known to those closest to the now deceased singer.
TVXQ spend their time with one another, unable to go anywhere or do anything on their own. The need to be together was so strong that eyes would fix on bathroom doors when one of them needed to go to the toilet. They hadn’t said much in all this time, two days passing without full sentences being made.
They lived off nothing, the sadness eating them from the inside out, dragging them into a vicious circle of sleep and hours in another’s arms. Changmin couldn’t handle the news in any way, crying the most out of the four of them, often seeking the comfort of a chest. The young boy looked like he had aged ten years in a flash, hair uncombed and messy around his tired face.
Junsu was no better. The tenor looked so fragile that one feared him breaking at any point. He stared at nothing in particular, but most of the time he curled up in a warm place, holding his knees to his forehead as if that would erase the awful knowledge of one of his best friends disappearing.
Jaejoong occupied himself with staring at walls, ceilings, tables, glasses, anything as long as it wasn’t human. Yoochun’s heart had been so warm; he had been so human that any embrace, any sigh reminded him of the gentle singer. He could only stand the presence of the other members, their spirits just as deflated as his own, their hearts just as broken as the one he carried heavily in his ribcage.
The one who seemed most broken under everything was Yunho. The leader hadn’t moved, had only sat on the couch and blindly accepting anyone’s need for comfort. He ran hands through hair, wrapped arms around waists and bitterly swallowed away tears even though he could not stop them from falling.
Their manager had visited at least three times a day, making sure all of them were still alive. He looked far from his usual being, no smile gracing his features anymore, only worry etching out the wrinkles around his eyes more. He knew this was the end, just as much as the others didn’t want to accept it.
-
Announcing their break-up had been the toughest thing to do. Their hearts and minds were filled with Yoochun, their throats locking up whenever they wanted to say something. It took one entire day to record a one minute long message to their fans. Japanese was the most difficult language ever to them all of the sudden, so in the end the message was recorded in Korean and subtitled.
Even though fans had been expecting the news, a lot of protests arose from the crowd. TVXQ was no more, yet nobody thought of leaving for their homes. The five of them belonged together, nothing could take the empty spot Yoochun had left behind so they had to preserve it, had to keep it for the man. The only way of doing so was to stay together, the hotel rooms becoming their home for a long time.
When the wrongdoer, the murderer had been caught, they left their safe haven to visit the police station. Many fans were lined up at the building too, shouting out to them as they passed by hand in hand. Many of them were crying, but TVXQ chose to hide their tears behind sunglasses.
Yoochun’s body had been found cut open. Though these details had been told before, the realisation of what it actually meant hit them when they were finally seated at the desk of the officer. Jaejoong felt sick at the explanation, the mere idea of the man’s internal organs having been removed something he wouldn’t wish upon his most hated enemy.
They all shared the hate towards whoever had done this, no words able to change their minds. Even Yunho, who had always found a way to explain one’s motivations in the past, seemed to harbour intense revulsion.
The word that fell from the officer’s lips was one they hadn’t wanted to hear. “Anti-fan”, a thing they had experienced before. Her name engraved itself in the members’ memories, her face blurred out on the photo they were shown. She seemed far too young, yet so corrupted that they didn’t want to believe it at first. The officer only reassured them that the evidence they had found had directed them straight to her.
Her name would not be announced publically. The members had to agree on that, even though deep inside they all wished for some great disaster to happen that would take away her life, just as she had taken away Yoochun’s life so gruesomely.
-
It was raining slightly and the grey clouds that had gathered themselves above the graveyard reflected the moods of the people gathered there. Their fingers linked together, the four boys left silently listened to various people talking. They had chosen not to speak, no words able to describe how much they had loved Yoochun.
There was one final thing to do and Jaejoong turned his face heavenwards as his voice brokenly started singing a line. He was joined by the other three, their acapella nowhere near what it used to sound. The empty space they left in between their turns was the place they held for Yoochun, an unspoken promise.