A nice little read for all of you :o)
I have been caught up with boyfriends, partying with upperclassmen and being popular through most of my time in high school. I honestly believed that the quantity of my friends was far more important then the quality of them, so I acquired a vast amount of friends from different schools, of different ages and different groups. I thought that with each new friend gained and each party I attended put me one more peg higher on a never ending social ladder, and in the limelight for longer periods of time. I thought with my image my life would be perfect, racing around with older friends in their cars, making out with good lucking guys, taking shots and living carelessly with the fun crowds. I believed that being a bitch and not taking shit from anyone only granted admiration from people who didn’t have the courage to speak their mind or just plain thought it was cool.
The upperclassmen graduate. All the nights of feeling cool and older than I really was are put to an end the moment they are handed their diplomas and are officially out of the social jungle gym forever. That freshman girl that idolized them and was privileged enough to hang out with them is forgotten, just like their SAT scores and mindless nights of driving around with nothing to do.
The relationships fizzle. There’s always the break up and the harsh feelings and awkward run-ins. No matter how good looking or how nice my boyfriends were, their qualities or pretty eyes did not make me a better person. The P.D.A had nothing to do with who I was, what I stood for or how I was viewed, the P.D.A merely represented the shortened version of what it truly was to me; P.D.O.I.T.I.T.S.B.I.H.A.B.A.Y.D, Public Display Of I Think I’m The Shit Because I Have A Boyfriend And You Don’t.
But I have matured. I’ve realized that just because I am not in relationship does not mean I’m undesirable, ugly and mean. It means I’m respectable, caring, pretty and strong willed; a girl who is going to wait for the right person to make her happy-not just any kind of arm candy for the “oh that’s my boyfriend” factor-even if it does mean I’m lonely at times. I’ve learned that upperclassmen do not determine how awesome you are, they’re only good for getting you alcohol, making trouble and throwing parties. Not to long ago I was scrolling through the +400 numbers in my cell phone thinking “Jesus Christ, where have all of my friends gone?” when I realized something. I have stopped trying so hard to be the girl who’s universally liked with the most friends and the most to do every goddamn second of her life. People will love me, and people will hate me. There is no amount of friendships or relationships that will ever change that. I have stopped caring about being everyone’s friend and going to every single party I’m invited to. You know why? True friendship is not established by how many shots you take together or how much older they are then you. It’s about spending time with each other without any need for hundreds of additional people there or bongs and bowls. It’s about buying a $5 dollar pizza and watching American Pie but still feeling like you guys are having an awesome time. It’s about the teary late night “hey can I talk to you’s?” and drawn out fights-not because of petty rumors and backstabbing bullshit, but because of how honest you guys are with each other no matter what the consequences might be.
Not doing so much outrageous stuff all the time makes me feel like shit, I won’t lie. But sometimes it’s the good kind of shit. The kind of “well at least I know I’ve got a good head on my shoulders and grew out of that phase” feeling of shit. Applaud me, mock me, ridicule me or praise me for this post, this is my feelings, and if you don't like them, too fucking bad. Now I'm going to take a shower :O) ♥
The upperclassmen graduate. All the nights of feeling cool and older than I really was are put to an end the moment they are handed their diplomas and are officially out of the social jungle gym forever. That freshman girl that idolized them and was privileged enough to hang out with them is forgotten, just like their SAT scores and mindless nights of driving around with nothing to do.
The relationships fizzle. There’s always the break up and the harsh feelings and awkward run-ins. No matter how good looking or how nice my boyfriends were, their qualities or pretty eyes did not make me a better person. The P.D.A had nothing to do with who I was, what I stood for or how I was viewed, the P.D.A merely represented the shortened version of what it truly was to me; P.D.O.I.T.I.T.S.B.I.H.A.B.A.Y.D, Public Display Of I Think I’m The Shit Because I Have A Boyfriend And You Don’t.
But I have matured. I’ve realized that just because I am not in relationship does not mean I’m undesirable, ugly and mean. It means I’m respectable, caring, pretty and strong willed; a girl who is going to wait for the right person to make her happy-not just any kind of arm candy for the “oh that’s my boyfriend” factor-even if it does mean I’m lonely at times. I’ve learned that upperclassmen do not determine how awesome you are, they’re only good for getting you alcohol, making trouble and throwing parties. Not to long ago I was scrolling through the +400 numbers in my cell phone thinking “Jesus Christ, where have all of my friends gone?” when I realized something. I have stopped trying so hard to be the girl who’s universally liked with the most friends and the most to do every goddamn second of her life. People will love me, and people will hate me. There is no amount of friendships or relationships that will ever change that. I have stopped caring about being everyone’s friend and going to every single party I’m invited to. You know why? True friendship is not established by how many shots you take together or how much older they are then you. It’s about spending time with each other without any need for hundreds of additional people there or bongs and bowls. It’s about buying a $5 dollar pizza and watching American Pie but still feeling like you guys are having an awesome time. It’s about the teary late night “hey can I talk to you’s?” and drawn out fights-not because of petty rumors and backstabbing bullshit, but because of how honest you guys are with each other no matter what the consequences might be.
Not doing so much outrageous stuff all the time makes me feel like shit, I won’t lie. But sometimes it’s the good kind of shit. The kind of “well at least I know I’ve got a good head on my shoulders and grew out of that phase” feeling of shit. Applaud me, mock me, ridicule me or praise me for this post, this is my feelings, and if you don't like them, too fucking bad. Now I'm going to take a shower :O) ♥