(no subject)
Hey everyone!
So out of morbid curiosity, I looked up the story The Marauders and a Seasonal Storm. Despite my urge to vomit, I realized that this story wa indeed begging to be sporked. Be nice, as this is my first one, and if you want to add your own variations, don't hesitate.
Much obscenity, so if you don't have a twisted sense of humor, stay away!
Enjoy
Oh, and for anyone who is brave enough here is the happy link to this actual drivel. Be afraid....
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1233592/1/
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter J.K. Rowling does, but I might own it one day, everything is for sale on Ebay. Wtf?
The year is 1978 and the Marauders and the Four Seasons are coming back to Hogwarts for what would go down as the most Mischievous year (I don’t know how to use capitalization, lol) to ever hit Hogwarts! This is bad, because Hogwarts has feelings and doesn’t like to be hit!
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Lily Evan's eyes fluttered open as she took a quick gaze around her room. She screamed as she realized that her canon self had been abducted and replaced with plank Lily, who could not format coherent thoughts. A golden room surrounded her, her closet with a mural of her adventures with the Marauders and the Seasons skillfully painted as they frolicked through the woods having endless orgies. , her golden lamp on it's matching end table. A vast trey ceiling enchanted by an endless galaxyand various space, art, and golden things that Canon Lily would never own dotted about her room as the welcoming sun poured in. Plank Lily was also high, which is why she was unable to write in formatted sentences.
Today was going to be magical, quite literally. she would leave her sister Petunia and muggle life to the world of Wizardry at Hogwarts. She would re-unite with her friends who were teh hOttness, masterbate over her classes and have the best time a girl can, how perfect can life be? Lily thought as she pondered how a smart girl like her could write such inane sentences. She shifted her eyes to her clock that was reading 11:48. Her eyes took a moment to recover, as shifting them was very painful.
"NO! I over-slept again, I'm gonna be late!" Lily screamed as she pulled down her comforter and ran into her bathroom to take a shower bringing a gold tank top and black pants in with her. Besides her clothing being completely irrelevant, Lily was so speshul that she completely disregarded the Hogwarts dress code.
When Lily emerged her mid-back dark red hair (Lily was even more speshul because mid-back hair was so rare) was wet making it almost look brown and framing her face beautifully giving her the appearance of a drowned goddess. She continued to give irrelevant details when She pulled her wet hair into a ponytail holder and dragged her pre- packed trunks into the hallway running directly into her muggle sister Petunia. "Watch where your going freak!" Petunia yelled I cannot distinguish between you’re and your, so I deserve to be tortured! "Watch your tongue before I hex you." Lily returned "You can't do magic over the break so you can't" "I'm going back today so I can, now out of my way," Lily shrilled pulling out her wand. "Fine! Petunia yelled as she retreated back to her bedroom mumbling things Lily couldn't make out sounding something along the lines of "Evil freak, can't wait till she's gone!" I also don’t know how format properly, so I should DIE! Lily could only smile as she heard her sister's door slam shut. "NO MORE PETUNIA!" Lily yelled as she dragged her suitcases down the stairs and into the awaiting cab just outside the door.
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"I don't think she's gonna make it," Kali Tallis said as she flopped down on the compartment seat. "Never under estimate Lily," Remus said looking up from his book. "Hush-up book-worm," giggled Kali. "Hush-up giggler!" Remus shouted. I have obviously been canon-raped, because only plank Remus would act like he is in preschool! "Hush-up stupid little boys and girls, GUESS WHO'S HERE!" Lily called as she slid open the door to the compartment. "LILY!" Everyone in the compartment screamed and ran for her all at once. Lily recovered from being run on and looked about the crowd, wondering where all of her lovely, canon friends had gone. Kali was the same; she was still a stereotypical anorexic slut with long brown hair and and teh HOTtness in tight slutty muggle clothes ( because once again, they paid no attention to the dress code), and she still had a ton of guys in the school's heart that she kept in a jar in her bedroom by the fiery look in her eyes (more reason to be afraid of her, as fiery eyes can be painful) and Remus still had a crush on her which was frightening because a sensible person like Remus would never fall in love with a silly girl who kept hearts in a jar , the poor guy he could never undertake Spring as the group sometimes called her. The group also liked run on sentences that had no proper punctuation!
Niki known to the group as Winter, because they were morons had cut her hair into a bob that looked fabulous on her, she was still trying to win over Remus from Spring, the look in her chilled blue eyes on ice could tell of that. Of course, Lily and all her friends were totul sluts who enjoyed irrelevant plot details.
Brianna, her best friend also known as Summer, or irrelevant plot detail was looking so different. Over the summer she had grown from her short height of 5'2" to about 5'7" and had grown out her long black hair, which had been very painful; her skin and Ebony brown shown catching Sirius's eye using a net in particular, but what girl didn't want to catch eyes with nets.
She looked at the guys, sizing up who she would have teh hott sex with tonight after the feast. Remus looked the same, 6'0" with a sweet smile plastered on his face, because Remus was always smiling, as being a werewolf always made one very happy.
Sirius wore his black hair to almost his shoulders with the front spiked, over the summer he had reached the height of 6'2" and looked great and like teh sexx GOD, as being tall and have HOtt spiked hair always equated to looking great.
Peter stood in the corner of the compartment looking glum and eating a sandwich and shrunken in the corner, he would never change he looked as if he was a scared little puppy dog. Honestly, someone had plastered the same expression on his face, rather like Remus’ smile. Lily never really understood why the Mauraders hung out with him. Very soon (in the next chapter) Peter would move to Ireland, where he would be attacked by a troop of Irish dancers and never heard from again, as Peter was a dumb loser.
And then there was James Potter, teh sex god of the Western Hemisphere. James looked great, and also had no personality. As a matter of fact, none of the Marauders had any personality, as the stupid plank author believed appearance to be the only important trait of these characters the years of playing Quidditch for the Gryffindor team and paid off, he had broader shoulders, and looked about the same height as Sirius if not taller, and of course he was wearing his trade-mark glasses and messy hair, he was looking good, better then ever.hot even! OMG, Teh HOTTNESS.
"What took you so long to get here dip?" Winter asked. "I woke-up late." Lily shrugged, but can we have some proper formatting here? "Typical Autumn," Summer said indicating to Lily, of course we can’t have proper formatting, then people will we’re teh smarts! "What do you mean by that," Lily said defending herself. "I mean what I say, and say what I mean," Summer called. "You wanna take that back and then get high?" Lily threatened "Nope," Summer responded. "MEOW I like making random animal noises because I am a dumb plank! You are making me hott with your smartness, let’s have an orgy. Cat fight the clothes are coming off quick, James, Remus grab some popcorn and let’s have a three way so that I can practice for my porn career," Sirius yelled out. "You'd like that wouldn't you?" Summer questioned. "You know it!" Sirius whistled. It makes me hott just thinking about it. "And what the doggie wants, he gets." Summer said as she walked over the Sirius and sat on his lap. "Whoa there, when did this happen?" asked Spring. "In his dreams," Summer screamed she slapped kneed Sirius in his groan, wondering what kind of word slap-kneed was "Never degrade me, AND NEVER REPODUCE!" "DAMN!" Spring yelled, "You tell him girl, wondering how a girl from England was suddenly talking like an idiotic rap singer" She slapped a high-5 with Summer. "Hey you guys," James said entering the conversation "I think we need to get changed into some hott thongs so can have even kinkier sex. But we have to be quick because were going to be at plank Hogwarts soon he motioned loosely out the window at the darkening sky in about 20 minutes they would arrive at Hogwarts.
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The Marauders left the compartment as the girls got changed into their hott thongs in preparation for the orgy. "Ok, Lily not one owl all summer to either of us. NOT EVEN TO GO TO THE BEACH TRIP! Where were you?" Winter asked while putting on her handcuffs and getting angrier and angrier about the horrible formatting "I was out and about, getting canon-raped and then smoking crack with this guy." Lily answered "A GUY!" the other seasons yelled out. "Yeah, James." Lily answered. "Hold-up you and JAMES ARE GOING OUT?!" Summer screamed out. "NO, were just friends and we talked a lot over the break, he even came over to my house and stayed for a weekend while we had hott kinky sex like porn stars." Lily defended herself. "You have the hots for James and you didn't tell all, so much for us all being best friends," Winter asked. "Don't be like that," Lily cried. "Are you ladies done yet," Sirius asked. I am getting VERY horny. "NO!" WE STILL HAVE TO PUT ON OUR HANDCUFFS!!! The seasons yelled in unison, because they had to do everything together hurrying to get on their blouses and rummaging for their sex toys. Suddenly the door swung open. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?" I told you to wait until after we chain ourselves down, it’s a better orgy that way Spring asked grabbing Sirius by his red and gold tie. "Walking in and watching you girl's get changed." Sirius stated. I’m ready for the orgy" YOU SICK PERVERT! YOU HAVE TO WAIT" Spring screamed "OUT, OUT, OUT!" "Oh it doesn't matter any more, its not like we haven't seen it all already" Sirius joked, "Sirius, remember something, you may be a taller and stronger then us but you have one big ass weak spot!" You do love crack and teh kinky hott sex Summer yelled. "So you know it's long." James laughed. "Sirius has finally perverted James" Summer sighed. "He has not," "Can you guys shut-up and let us change?" Lily questioned. I’m really horny and want to have teh sex with James, because we know twu wuv. "Anything you say, all you have to do is ask." I’m game for anything with whips Sirius joked sitting down. "Go jump out the window Sirius, you know I like crack parties and dildos better" Summer commanded, "Lets not be silly, that would disrupt the entire wizarding world because they all use whips." Sirius defended himself. "Yeah, all things would stop and everyone would party," Summer snapped. "Now children lets be nice and have our orgy already," Lily yelled still unaware of how to use proper punctuation putting on the last part of her lingerie robe and the train stopped. "HOGWARTS HERE WE COME!" everyone in the compartment yelled, still furious as the terrible formatting as the orgy began.
As the Marauders and the Seasons stepped off the train, still flushed and beaten from teh hott orgy, the canon characters had regained consciousness. Furious at being depicted as such shallow planks, they lurked in the shadows waiting for the train wrecks who claimed to be J.K Rowling’s beloved characters. They proceeded to stab the planks with knitting needles, and then forced them off to schools where they would learn proper formatting and grammar. However, the ultimate revenge was when they found “Vega” and forbade her to write ever again, while also taking away her stash of drugs that made her believe she has a decent and capable writer. Soon after that, Vega was sent off to formatting reform school with her planks as well, where she was promptly attacked and stomped on by a troop of Irish dancers and a gigantic rabid squirrel…the only fitting demise for such a dreadful plank.
“Teh End”
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I hope everyone liked this first chapter, PLASE REVIEW, and flame me the more I get the more I will know what you guys wanna see. -Vega