Fic: On How to Correct Past Mistakes, PG-13, Nathan, Alicia, Justice
Title: On How to Correct Past Mistakes.
Genre: Drama/Angst.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Two parents contemplate how they failed their children, and what they can do about it. Nathan Woods, Wallace Fennel, Alicia Fennel, Darrell Fennel. Guest appearance by Hank Fennel. My virtue was Justice.
Disclaimer: Veronica Mars belongs to Rob Thomas and the nice peopleat UPN. No money is being made.
Author's Notes: This fic is a couple of days past deadline because I've written very little in this fandom, and I was insecure about my characterization, especially on Nathan. Constructive criticism even more appreciated than usual.
“It’s not right keeping a man away from his son, Cherie.”
About an hour into the drive to Chicago, he stopped in a gas station and sent Wallace into the mini-market for potato chips and coke. Once the boy was gone, he headed straight for the payphone and dug a few quarters out of his jeans. She didn’t have much to say to him, but he hardly expected a heart-to-heart. Not a word from her for eighteen years, and all his letters sent back; that’s not exactly a foundation for a good custodial relationship.
“I’m not the man I used to be.” Hell, he’s not even sure he was as bad as she’s saying, even at the worst of times.
“He’s old enough to make his choice.”
“Cherie, you lied to him.”
“Then what am I supposed to call you? Alicia?” How’d she come up with that stupid name, anyway?
“He’ll be fine, Cherie,” he said, defiantly. He’s not about to call her by some fake name that her fake husband married her under. “I gotta go.”
“Who’d you call?” asked Wallace.
“Chelsea, to tell her you’re with me,” replied Nathan. “Maybe we’ll go to visit her some weekend, once your school registration and everything is taken care of.”
“Yeah, that’d be cool.”
It was a relief to hear him talk. He hadn’t said a word since he showed up at his hotel room with a school bag and a rucksack full of T-shirts. Nathan wasn’t thrilled. Well, he wanted to get to know the boy, but his apartment wasn’t as clean or organized as he would have liked, the first time Wallace saw it. He’d been living alone for a long time. He wondered if the high school in his district was any good. Maybe he’d be able to pull some strings, get him into Trevor Hale. It was close enough; the Captain’s daughter was a sophomore there.
“What are you thinking about?”
Nathan glanced sideways. “What school to enroll you in,” he said. He waited for Wallace to say he wasn’t planning on staying with him long enough to go to school.
“Oh.” He was frowning. He probably had friends in Neptune.
Nathan considered asking him what his favorite subject was, or if he played any sports. “Look, Wallace,” he started.
Wallace looked at him, silent.
“I wasn’t the best father, I know. There’s a reason Cherie - your mother - left me. I was... What did she tell you about me, anyway?”
“That you were a junkie, that you used to be an undercover cop, and... Well, that’s it, really.”
“I stopped using a long time ago. I want you to know that.” He preferred not to think about it, most days, but he had to be honest with his son.
“Okay,” said Wallace, looking a little blank.
“While I was still under, I made a mess of my life. Cherie was right to be afraid of me. I barely knew she was talking to me when she first told me about being pregnant. When my captain caught me using, he pulled me from the assignment and told me I’d check myself into detox, or he’d put one in my forehead.”
“Isn’t that murder?” asked Wallace with something like outrage all over his face.
“It’s euthanasia,” replied Nathan, “and it saved my life. As soon as I knew what I was about, I came looking for your mother. Once I knew she was having a baby...”
“Were you married?” asked Wallace. His face was so blank Nathan knew it had to be important to him.
“Yes.”
Wallace opened his mouth, hesitated, and finally said, “I have a younger brother. His name’s Darrell.”
Nathan nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. “Your grandmother made a deal with me. She would pass my letters to Cherie if I signed the divorce papers. I was still on paid leave from work, my captain told me not to bother coming back until I had a six month chip and I was sleeping on my best friend’s couch. Dan’s wife almost left him over me, and by the time Chelsea told me that Cherie hadn’t even read the letters, the divorce was finalized.”
Wallace made a choked sort of noise, and Nathan risked a brief look. His mouth was tight.
He decided it would be better not to say anything more until they got to Chicago.
***
It took him ages to get the key in, turn it and finally open the door. He fumbled with the knob, and the door slammed shut behind him, much louder than he’d intended. The sound was almost deafening.
Something clattered in the other room. The bedroom door opened and Cherie was standing there in her nightgown, her arms wrapped around her chest.
“Nathan? What’s wrong, baby?”
“I could’t open th’ door,” he said. “Why’dya lock it twice?”
“There’s been burglaries, Nathan. I don’t feel safe when the door’s unlocked.”
He went to her, reached out to her. She flinched.
“Nathan, are you drunk?”
He shook his head. “No’ drunk.”
She looked away from him. “You’re drunk,” she said, her voice thick.
He wasn’t drunk. “I’m ‘shausted.”
“Let’s just go to sleep, baby. You’ll sleep it off.”
He followed her into the bedroom and watched her climb into her side of the bed. She was so pretty. “Baby,” he said, wobbling as he tried to sit on the bed next to her.
She pushed at him. “No, Nathan. Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”
He thought it would never be morning, and before he could notice, it was, and Cherie was standing in front of the closet mirror, fixing her earrings, or something. He rolled over, and the blanket fell off him and onto the floor.
“Baby, are you awake? I gotta go, I’m running late. Don’t you have work today?”
He tried to say something, but all that came out was mumbles. Shivering, he groped after the blanket.
She sat down on the bed next to him, pulled on the blanket and covered him. “Nathan, I think I’m pregnant.”
He mumbled again. Why was it so cold?
Just barely, he registered her getting up and leaving, closing the bedroom door behind her with a soft click.
***
“Mom?”
The night Wallace disappeared, she didn’t sleep. Neptune wasn’t the quiet haven she’d imagined when she applied for a job at Kane Software, and it took Keith showing her a photo of the two of them in Chicago before she was convinced he was still alive. He - Nathan - he’d called, but by then she hadn’t slept in thirty hours and the panic was hitting an all-time high. She barely processed the conversation. It seemed like an extension of all their fights from back in ’86.
“Mom?”
She had called in sick for a week, first to look for Wallace, or Wallace’s body as she’s been convinced, then for no particular good reason. She spent an entire Wednesday morning looking through photo albums. She fed Darrell pizza twice that week, and then Tanduri takeout, before reminding herself that she was a better parent than that, and that even if she never saw Wallace again, one of her boys had to grow up right.
“Mom!”
Alicia turned around and saw Darrell in his pajamas, barefoot, standing in the hallway.
“Put your slippers on, baby,” she said.
“I’ve been calling you for an hour. Why won’t you listen?” Darrell stomped his foot on the floor.
“What?” She looked at him for a moment, stunned. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to ignore you. I was just… thinking. What’s wrong?”
Relenting, Darrell sat down on the sofa’s armrest. “Tell me about how you and dad got married.”
Alicia smiled, though weakly, and curled an arm around him, pulling him down to sit next to her. “I must’ve told you that story a hundred times.”
“Yeah,” said Darrell, “but I want to know the truth.”
Her smile faltered. She had sworn not to sell out their childhood.
“Mom,” he said, sounding oh so much older than eight, “I want the truth.”
“All right,” she finally said. “I’ll tell you everything.”
She wondered if she’d ever be able to tell them both, together.
***
His smile was very charming.
“So what’s your name?” he asked.
Her smile was very awkward.
“Cherie, but I want to change it.”
“So I shouldn’t say I think it’s a beautiful name?” he teased.
She laughed for what felt like the first time. “No.”
“Can I say that you’re a very beautiful girl?”
She laughed again, and felt herself blushing. “Thank you.”
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
She faltered. “Oh, I have a doctor’s appointment at nine. I gotta wake up early to make it there on time, or I’ll lose the appointment.”
“I could drive you. You’d get there much faster, and maybe we could have lunch together?” His smile seemed so earnest.
“You have a car?” she asked, trying to play for time, trying to think clearly.
“It’s my brother’s, really, but he lets me borrow it when he’s at work.”
“Hank, I don’t know...” It was too soon, far too soon to be thinking of it, even.
“Afraid to be alone in a car with me?” said Hank. “I promise I’m not dangerous. Maybe I should be afraid of being with you. I might catch whatever it is you have. You don’t look sick, though. What do you have?”
Cherie smiled, but her eyes were stinging. “Not something you can catch.”
“That settles it, then,” declared Hank with his most winning grin. “I know a great diner right nearby. We can get burgers. Where’s you doctor’s office, anyway? You’ll have to navigate. I’m new to the city, I don’t know my way around.”
She laughed. “Don’t worry, I know the way, and there’s a pizza place I always pass on the way. I’ll be fine.”
“Pick you up at eight?” His grin gave way to that softer, earnest smile, and she could feel something moving, between her chest and her stomach. Just above where the baby was, though no one could tell to look at her. Only her mother knew.
“All right,” said Cherie, “you wore me down.”
She walked home that day thinking of new names.
***
“It’s not much,” said Nathan, clattering his keys in the door. “I didn’t have any time to get it ready for you, so it’s messy. And there’s only one bedroom, so you’ll have to sleep on the couch.” He opened the door.
Wallace walked in and silently dropped his rucksack near the old wooden umbrella stand. He stretched his arms up at the ceiling and yawned deeply. “So, what’s for dinner?”
Nathan swallowed a sigh of relief. “For tonight, I’ll go to the diner down the street and bring up some burgers,” he said, “but not for long. In the weekend I’ll clean this place up, find you some closet space for your stuff, sign you up for school and put some real food in the fridge. We’re gonna make this work, son.”
Wallace smiled.
Genre: Drama/Angst.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Two parents contemplate how they failed their children, and what they can do about it. Nathan Woods, Wallace Fennel, Alicia Fennel, Darrell Fennel. Guest appearance by Hank Fennel. My virtue was Justice.
Disclaimer: Veronica Mars belongs to Rob Thomas and the nice peopleat UPN. No money is being made.
Author's Notes: This fic is a couple of days past deadline because I've written very little in this fandom, and I was insecure about my characterization, especially on Nathan. Constructive criticism even more appreciated than usual.
“It’s not right keeping a man away from his son, Cherie.”
About an hour into the drive to Chicago, he stopped in a gas station and sent Wallace into the mini-market for potato chips and coke. Once the boy was gone, he headed straight for the payphone and dug a few quarters out of his jeans. She didn’t have much to say to him, but he hardly expected a heart-to-heart. Not a word from her for eighteen years, and all his letters sent back; that’s not exactly a foundation for a good custodial relationship.
“I’m not the man I used to be.” Hell, he’s not even sure he was as bad as she’s saying, even at the worst of times.
“He’s old enough to make his choice.”
“Cherie, you lied to him.”
“Then what am I supposed to call you? Alicia?” How’d she come up with that stupid name, anyway?
“He’ll be fine, Cherie,” he said, defiantly. He’s not about to call her by some fake name that her fake husband married her under. “I gotta go.”
“Who’d you call?” asked Wallace.
“Chelsea, to tell her you’re with me,” replied Nathan. “Maybe we’ll go to visit her some weekend, once your school registration and everything is taken care of.”
“Yeah, that’d be cool.”
It was a relief to hear him talk. He hadn’t said a word since he showed up at his hotel room with a school bag and a rucksack full of T-shirts. Nathan wasn’t thrilled. Well, he wanted to get to know the boy, but his apartment wasn’t as clean or organized as he would have liked, the first time Wallace saw it. He’d been living alone for a long time. He wondered if the high school in his district was any good. Maybe he’d be able to pull some strings, get him into Trevor Hale. It was close enough; the Captain’s daughter was a sophomore there.
“What are you thinking about?”
Nathan glanced sideways. “What school to enroll you in,” he said. He waited for Wallace to say he wasn’t planning on staying with him long enough to go to school.
“Oh.” He was frowning. He probably had friends in Neptune.
Nathan considered asking him what his favorite subject was, or if he played any sports. “Look, Wallace,” he started.
Wallace looked at him, silent.
“I wasn’t the best father, I know. There’s a reason Cherie - your mother - left me. I was... What did she tell you about me, anyway?”
“That you were a junkie, that you used to be an undercover cop, and... Well, that’s it, really.”
“I stopped using a long time ago. I want you to know that.” He preferred not to think about it, most days, but he had to be honest with his son.
“Okay,” said Wallace, looking a little blank.
“While I was still under, I made a mess of my life. Cherie was right to be afraid of me. I barely knew she was talking to me when she first told me about being pregnant. When my captain caught me using, he pulled me from the assignment and told me I’d check myself into detox, or he’d put one in my forehead.”
“Isn’t that murder?” asked Wallace with something like outrage all over his face.
“It’s euthanasia,” replied Nathan, “and it saved my life. As soon as I knew what I was about, I came looking for your mother. Once I knew she was having a baby...”
“Were you married?” asked Wallace. His face was so blank Nathan knew it had to be important to him.
“Yes.”
Wallace opened his mouth, hesitated, and finally said, “I have a younger brother. His name’s Darrell.”
Nathan nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. “Your grandmother made a deal with me. She would pass my letters to Cherie if I signed the divorce papers. I was still on paid leave from work, my captain told me not to bother coming back until I had a six month chip and I was sleeping on my best friend’s couch. Dan’s wife almost left him over me, and by the time Chelsea told me that Cherie hadn’t even read the letters, the divorce was finalized.”
Wallace made a choked sort of noise, and Nathan risked a brief look. His mouth was tight.
He decided it would be better not to say anything more until they got to Chicago.
***
It took him ages to get the key in, turn it and finally open the door. He fumbled with the knob, and the door slammed shut behind him, much louder than he’d intended. The sound was almost deafening.
Something clattered in the other room. The bedroom door opened and Cherie was standing there in her nightgown, her arms wrapped around her chest.
“Nathan? What’s wrong, baby?”
“I could’t open th’ door,” he said. “Why’dya lock it twice?”
“There’s been burglaries, Nathan. I don’t feel safe when the door’s unlocked.”
He went to her, reached out to her. She flinched.
“Nathan, are you drunk?”
He shook his head. “No’ drunk.”
She looked away from him. “You’re drunk,” she said, her voice thick.
He wasn’t drunk. “I’m ‘shausted.”
“Let’s just go to sleep, baby. You’ll sleep it off.”
He followed her into the bedroom and watched her climb into her side of the bed. She was so pretty. “Baby,” he said, wobbling as he tried to sit on the bed next to her.
She pushed at him. “No, Nathan. Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”
He thought it would never be morning, and before he could notice, it was, and Cherie was standing in front of the closet mirror, fixing her earrings, or something. He rolled over, and the blanket fell off him and onto the floor.
“Baby, are you awake? I gotta go, I’m running late. Don’t you have work today?”
He tried to say something, but all that came out was mumbles. Shivering, he groped after the blanket.
She sat down on the bed next to him, pulled on the blanket and covered him. “Nathan, I think I’m pregnant.”
He mumbled again. Why was it so cold?
Just barely, he registered her getting up and leaving, closing the bedroom door behind her with a soft click.
***
“Mom?”
The night Wallace disappeared, she didn’t sleep. Neptune wasn’t the quiet haven she’d imagined when she applied for a job at Kane Software, and it took Keith showing her a photo of the two of them in Chicago before she was convinced he was still alive. He - Nathan - he’d called, but by then she hadn’t slept in thirty hours and the panic was hitting an all-time high. She barely processed the conversation. It seemed like an extension of all their fights from back in ’86.
“Mom?”
She had called in sick for a week, first to look for Wallace, or Wallace’s body as she’s been convinced, then for no particular good reason. She spent an entire Wednesday morning looking through photo albums. She fed Darrell pizza twice that week, and then Tanduri takeout, before reminding herself that she was a better parent than that, and that even if she never saw Wallace again, one of her boys had to grow up right.
“Mom!”
Alicia turned around and saw Darrell in his pajamas, barefoot, standing in the hallway.
“Put your slippers on, baby,” she said.
“I’ve been calling you for an hour. Why won’t you listen?” Darrell stomped his foot on the floor.
“What?” She looked at him for a moment, stunned. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to ignore you. I was just… thinking. What’s wrong?”
Relenting, Darrell sat down on the sofa’s armrest. “Tell me about how you and dad got married.”
Alicia smiled, though weakly, and curled an arm around him, pulling him down to sit next to her. “I must’ve told you that story a hundred times.”
“Yeah,” said Darrell, “but I want to know the truth.”
Her smile faltered. She had sworn not to sell out their childhood.
“Mom,” he said, sounding oh so much older than eight, “I want the truth.”
“All right,” she finally said. “I’ll tell you everything.”
She wondered if she’d ever be able to tell them both, together.
***
His smile was very charming.
“So what’s your name?” he asked.
Her smile was very awkward.
“Cherie, but I want to change it.”
“So I shouldn’t say I think it’s a beautiful name?” he teased.
She laughed for what felt like the first time. “No.”
“Can I say that you’re a very beautiful girl?”
She laughed again, and felt herself blushing. “Thank you.”
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
She faltered. “Oh, I have a doctor’s appointment at nine. I gotta wake up early to make it there on time, or I’ll lose the appointment.”
“I could drive you. You’d get there much faster, and maybe we could have lunch together?” His smile seemed so earnest.
“You have a car?” she asked, trying to play for time, trying to think clearly.
“It’s my brother’s, really, but he lets me borrow it when he’s at work.”
“Hank, I don’t know...” It was too soon, far too soon to be thinking of it, even.
“Afraid to be alone in a car with me?” said Hank. “I promise I’m not dangerous. Maybe I should be afraid of being with you. I might catch whatever it is you have. You don’t look sick, though. What do you have?”
Cherie smiled, but her eyes were stinging. “Not something you can catch.”
“That settles it, then,” declared Hank with his most winning grin. “I know a great diner right nearby. We can get burgers. Where’s you doctor’s office, anyway? You’ll have to navigate. I’m new to the city, I don’t know my way around.”
She laughed. “Don’t worry, I know the way, and there’s a pizza place I always pass on the way. I’ll be fine.”
“Pick you up at eight?” His grin gave way to that softer, earnest smile, and she could feel something moving, between her chest and her stomach. Just above where the baby was, though no one could tell to look at her. Only her mother knew.
“All right,” said Cherie, “you wore me down.”
She walked home that day thinking of new names.
***
“It’s not much,” said Nathan, clattering his keys in the door. “I didn’t have any time to get it ready for you, so it’s messy. And there’s only one bedroom, so you’ll have to sleep on the couch.” He opened the door.
Wallace walked in and silently dropped his rucksack near the old wooden umbrella stand. He stretched his arms up at the ceiling and yawned deeply. “So, what’s for dinner?”
Nathan swallowed a sigh of relief. “For tonight, I’ll go to the diner down the street and bring up some burgers,” he said, “but not for long. In the weekend I’ll clean this place up, find you some closet space for your stuff, sign you up for school and put some real food in the fridge. We’re gonna make this work, son.”
Wallace smiled.