[Voice]
Y'know what still confuses me?
[The question is punctuated by a clamory-clattery sound of something wheeled and a swish of curtain-rings. There's a steady beep in the background, keeping its own time.]
Holidays. I mean, mortals are crazy into their holidays. They've got a whole bucketload of the things. One for every day. And I say 'one for every day' when it really should be 'at least seventeen for every day' or something - because, really? There's just no freaking end to the things. And most of 'em make no sense. At all.
Like, apparently today's International Chocolate Day. As though I needed a specific day to shove some chocolate in my face or something. [A snort, skeptic and quick.] Because I don't do that every morning when I pour a box of Fruity Pebbles down my esophagus. And why? What's your strange, mortal motivation? Did they invent chocolate on September 13th?
I'm pretty fucking sure not.
But y'know what did happen on a September 13th of some eons ago? [There's a pause that would probably contain a punctuating motion, if the video had been included.] Henry Bliss, probably just minding his own freaking business after a long, hard day of real-estating, hopped his ass off of a New York streetcar and was unceremoniously taken the fuck out like a manlier version of Regina George.
So if we want to find ourselves an appropriate comemmoraty thing for today? It's been 112 years since the first pedestrian was mowed down by a motor vehicle. Commemorate the shit out of that, bitches. That's noteworthy.
So, yeah. You're probably fuckin' confused and stuff. All: The actual shit are you talking about, you fucking asshole? What're you trying to say here? Seriously. No one cares.
[A huff of air, caught somewhere between petulant and amused.]
Well, I, uh - I got hit by a car. Which, y'know, whatever. But they won't let me sign myself out.
It's fucking stupid.
[The question is punctuated by a clamory-clattery sound of something wheeled and a swish of curtain-rings. There's a steady beep in the background, keeping its own time.]
Holidays. I mean, mortals are crazy into their holidays. They've got a whole bucketload of the things. One for every day. And I say 'one for every day' when it really should be 'at least seventeen for every day' or something - because, really? There's just no freaking end to the things. And most of 'em make no sense. At all.
Like, apparently today's International Chocolate Day. As though I needed a specific day to shove some chocolate in my face or something. [A snort, skeptic and quick.] Because I don't do that every morning when I pour a box of Fruity Pebbles down my esophagus. And why? What's your strange, mortal motivation? Did they invent chocolate on September 13th?
I'm pretty fucking sure not.
But y'know what did happen on a September 13th of some eons ago? [There's a pause that would probably contain a punctuating motion, if the video had been included.] Henry Bliss, probably just minding his own freaking business after a long, hard day of real-estating, hopped his ass off of a New York streetcar and was unceremoniously taken the fuck out like a manlier version of Regina George.
So if we want to find ourselves an appropriate comemmoraty thing for today? It's been 112 years since the first pedestrian was mowed down by a motor vehicle. Commemorate the shit out of that, bitches. That's noteworthy.
So, yeah. You're probably fuckin' confused and stuff. All: The actual shit are you talking about, you fucking asshole? What're you trying to say here? Seriously. No one cares.
[A huff of air, caught somewhere between petulant and amused.]
Well, I, uh - I got hit by a car. Which, y'know, whatever. But they won't let me sign myself out.
It's fucking stupid.