T.C.G.I.T.F.C
Wow, this ended up being long and convoluted and it's not even really about what I've done since I quit posting. Anyways, a briefing : I've been on a few awesome geological expeditions most notably spending a month on the Tundra and a month in Athabasca. I took some time off and lived of the spoils of internet poker then went back to work. I ate a tonne of meat after being a strict vegetarian for 15 years (see a month in Athabasca) and gained 20 pounds but I'm back off the meat now. I tagged a few pix of the Athabascan Sky to the end of all this. Meh, I lurk at all of your lives, glad to see most of you are doing well. And without further ado I give thee the un-proofread tale of The Crazy Guy In The Fucking Car (probably pt.1)
There's been this crazy guy living one of the cars here for a ridiculous length of time now and I don't know what I'm supposed to do at this point.
It all started a about two weeks ago. It was the second day that it snowed, I was drinking and playing cards when my brother came bursting (drunkenly) in waving his digital camera and laughing "there's a fucking wall mount lcd in the hallway, in the fucking hallway!" he then made us look at a picture of the wall mount lcd in the hallway (the fucking hallway) and told us a tale which loosely translated could be told like this : Some people for some reason unbeknownst to me enjoy smoking outside. you can smoke in the room we play cards in but some people always want to sit out and "go" for a smoke. Well anyways, while these guys were outside freezing they're asses off they see a man walling toward the house past the cars that are parked outside.
[begin scattered point form for a bit]
As he is approaching, he is walking towards the house on the same side of the street as the dwelling. He makes eye contact with the people outside smoking, sees someone coming toward our house from across the street, he then crosses the street, meeting up with the person headed toward our house. A brief conversation ensued and both people proceeded toward our house. t.v. guy introduces himself to everyone (making sure to get names. He gives his name as Murray. Appearing rather emotional he explains that he and his wife had just split up and as he was transporting all of his possessions his car he became stuck in the snow and feared his car would be broken into if he left the t.v. as it was the most visible and expensive-looking item. So, he stated, he camouflaged the rest of his possessions, called B.C.A.A., threw his television under his arm and headed out to get a coffee to consume while waiting for the tow-truck when he stumbled upon our house.
[/ end scattered point form]
So he asks if he can leave it here for half an hour while he waits for the tow-truck and his friend who's going to pick him up. So, someone says "yeah", he said "thanks", puts the t.v. inside in the hallway, and leaves to go get a hold of his friend and wait for the tow-truck.
While all of this is going on, I am oblivious and inside drinking, smoking, and playing cards. My drunk brother then staggers into the room with his digital camera, shows us the pictures and brings us "up to speed" on the whole story. A few hands later, he comes back with his friend in a cream colored jeep says "thank you again" and picks up the t.v. End of story? I think not!
So then, a few days later two friends and I are outside the house having a cigarette and chatting when we see a sketchy guy approaching, walking by the house he continues to walk on and we comment "heh, sketchy dude". We finish our cigarettes and go inside we continue our conversation inside the doorway as we were standing there, I noticed a figure dart past the window. "D***, throw open the door, look that way and yell hey" I say as I put my shoes back on. D*** yelled as I ran behind him and toward a stunned looking man who was over by the backdoor of a car that had been sitting for a few months as we were attempting to sell it no one had looked in, at, or around this car in awhile. I of course asked him what he was doing as "back up" began to flow out of the house. Since I reached him first, I grabbed him, everyone else followed quickly behind me. The guy panicked, put his hands up and basically looked to me for mercy. His plea for mercy ended up being that the owner of the car (the person who had let him temporarily keep his l.c.d t.v. in the hallway) had also (later that night) allowed him to put a few bags in his non-insured car. There was a good possibility that this was true, the owner of the car is a "really nice guy" (who wasn't home right now) and would conceivably help this guy out by letting him toss some shit in a car that he wasn't using for a few days. I looked into the car and there where a few bags in the backseat and all of the doors of the car were locked. I told everyone that it was a misunderstanding, to go inside and I was going to get the key and let this guy take his shit out. I still laid into the guy about sneaking up on a car on our property and explained to him that he almost got the shit kicked out of him by five or six idiots who are literally always looking for an excuse to get in a "righteous fight" and and that he should just get his shit and make himself scarce. I went in, got the keys gave him his bags, and bid him fucking ado, or so I thought.
Later that night, when said owner of car returned I casually told him "and oh yeah, that guy who let put his bags in your car came and got them" he looked at me very confused, so I continued "You know, that guy Murray or whatever who's car got stuck in the snow, the guy with the t.v.?" the confused look remained although now his head was slightly cocked to the left "I ... know .. who you mean .. but.. I didn't say he could put any shit in my car" "oh" I said "well, he came and got it and I locked it back up afterwards"
Two nights later we were startled by a noise outside. I went out to investigate what do you know? there's buddy at the car and from what I can see HE'S BEEN LIVING IN IT. He behaves panicked at first when I confront him and almost looks like he's going to cry, he reminds me "but, you said it was a misunderstanding and you said it was okay and .. " I immediately put the kibosh on that and explained that I said it was a misunderstanding because he had led me to believe that it was a misunderstanding, he blatantly lied to me, and now we have a misunderstanding and he has five minutes to get his shit out. He then attempts to buddy up with me, I bring the conversation back around to him getting his shit out now, he appears like he is going to cry again.
I ask him if perhaps he has mental issues and would like me to call an agency or ministry on his behalf. He says that he does not want to be a burden on anyone and wants to buy the car! I explain to him, as delicately as possible, that now is not the time to discuss the purchase of the vehicle and he gets ANGRY with me leaning into me and yelling "why the fuck can't I buy it? it's for sale isn't it? My money's not good? you don't want to sell it to me?"
I then had to become the person I hate to be, the person you must become in order to maintain order, the person who is right but the person that you hate yourself for being after none the less. Neighbors were coming out, it was late, this had to be stopped, I grabbed him and drew back my hand, he froze, his mouth stopped and he tried to stagger backwards out of my grip. "are you alright out there" a neighbor hollered , "it's fine" I said. Holding the collar of his jacket I brought my face down to within an inch of his "If you have enough money to buy the car, you have enough fucking money to be in a hotel or an apartment, you have five minutes to get you and your possessions off of our property or I will instruct someone to call the the police and I will detain you until they arrive, do I make myself clear?" His eyes were cast downward and he said nothing. I got closer, I bumped his chin with my hand, made him look at me "do I make myself clear?" "yes" he said and looked down again "will you give me a chance to find somewhere to put my things, to get someone to pick me and them up?" "you have fifteen minutes" He comes and goes and comes and goes and finally leaves. I lock the car and return to bed.
The next day around noon I am letting my girlfriend in when the neighbor who hollered "is everything was alright?" walks over laughing "hey, you know your buddy who you were getting into a little match with out here last night? the guy who had the t.v.? guess where he got it from" oh shit, this isn't over yet? "where?" I inquire. "from the fucking XXXX restaurant just down the street" "No way" I actually laugh "that guy's got some cahoons huh?" "no shit". "Yeah, he stole it right off the wall of the restaurant not a block away" "Do they know we had the t.v. here and that that guy's been staying in our car?" I asked "No, I didn't put it all together until I got home, I noticed one of their tvs was missing while I was in there and I asked about it, they said it got stolen some night last week while they were open, thursday they think" "was that the day it snowed?" "yeah" "hahaha" "fuck, I guess I should go over and talk to them"
So I take the forty five second walk over to XXXX Restaurant and ask to speak to the manager. The young lady that I talk to informs me that she is an assistant manager and I can talk to her (how come everywhere has like nine assistant managers now?) I inform her that should she choose to talk to me it's going to take at least several minutes before our conversation comes close to it's apex and then she'll just go get the "manager manager" anyways and I'll have to say all of the same stuff over again to her/him so why doesn't she go get her/him and I'll begin telling them both and one of them can walk away and leave it to the other one as they see fit. She assures me that she can "help me" I say "oh, I don't have a complaint or anything" She's all "okay good" smile " what can I help you with?" (inside head steam) "Well, apparently you guys recently had a flat-screen television stolen from you lounge or something ..."
So, as our dialogue concludes ... she smiles and says "I'll be right back with the manager". So the manager and another assistant manager come over and I repeat everything to them up to and including the previous nights attempted eviction of the culprit. And here, is where things get interesting. He takes me aside and, in a hushed tone, thanks me for coming over and informs me that he is confident that it's an inside job and that his maintenance guy is in cahoots with car buddy and that he had been informed by employees that the maintenance guy and he had a history of exchanging cash and goods behind the restaurant and that the maintenance guy routinely let him while the restaurant was closed. I find this all very interesting because I love a good caper and look the manager in the eye "We can get 'em" he shows me the matching t.v. to the stolen one and asks me if I'm certain that the t.v. was same. I am, of course, not but remember that faithful drunk brother took pictures of it. I inform the manager that I'll be right back with proof, trek home, call brother, get him to e-mail me the pics, return to restaurant avec laptop and the theft is confirmed via digital hi-res imagery.
Using our uncanny abilities of deduction we concluded this much about the theft :
maintenance came in and a while they were "cleaning" chief unmounted and unhooked the t.v. but left it resting in it's usual position on the mountings as to not arouse suspicion. It was snowy as all whathaveyou that night so there were little or no patrons at the establishment so car buddy basically just lifted it off the wall and walked out. We assume that he'd probably being either using the car as a stash spot and/or living in it for awhile and planned to toss the t.v. in there while he waited for his accomplice(s) but when he began approaching the car he saw a crew of five or six drunk dudes hanging out smoking so he had to come up with a cover, B's truck was stuck and someone was yelling something about a woman, so the guy (all kiazer soze) walks up and is all "Me and my wife just split and as I was driving away with all my shit my car got stuck, the tow truck's coming but I don't want to leave my t.v. in the car because yadda yadda yadda ...".
So, following our discussion, I show the manager where the car is and give him permission to tackle people, call the cops if he sees anyone being sketchy in or around it. I stay up that night in an attempt to ambush car buddy but fall asleep beside a really hot girl at about 3. The next morning 6 am BUDDY IS OUTSIDE OF THE CAR, he flees and I return to bed. Later that day the police arrive just after noon and we have a lengthy discussion regarding options and outcomes of the current situation after half an hour he has basically reiterated what I already knew I can do whatever I was except throw everything into the street, if I want to dispose of it I must do I properly and at my own time/expense, wack. I then ask if I'm allowed to leave his shit and lay in wait, trap him in the car when he returns and call the police. That is allowed although the officer would rather that I did not approach him and just call the police. I attempt to explain that I love irony and that it would really be better for me if the car became his temporary prison, the officer was more concerned with safety and justice. So yeah, for the last little while he has not been living in the car but still storing things and returning to it routinely, I just have to catch him. And maybe confine him in the car.
There's been this crazy guy living one of the cars here for a ridiculous length of time now and I don't know what I'm supposed to do at this point.
It all started a about two weeks ago. It was the second day that it snowed, I was drinking and playing cards when my brother came bursting (drunkenly) in waving his digital camera and laughing "there's a fucking wall mount lcd in the hallway, in the fucking hallway!" he then made us look at a picture of the wall mount lcd in the hallway (the fucking hallway) and told us a tale which loosely translated could be told like this : Some people for some reason unbeknownst to me enjoy smoking outside. you can smoke in the room we play cards in but some people always want to sit out and "go" for a smoke. Well anyways, while these guys were outside freezing they're asses off they see a man walling toward the house past the cars that are parked outside.
[begin scattered point form for a bit]
As he is approaching, he is walking towards the house on the same side of the street as the dwelling. He makes eye contact with the people outside smoking, sees someone coming toward our house from across the street, he then crosses the street, meeting up with the person headed toward our house. A brief conversation ensued and both people proceeded toward our house. t.v. guy introduces himself to everyone (making sure to get names. He gives his name as Murray. Appearing rather emotional he explains that he and his wife had just split up and as he was transporting all of his possessions his car he became stuck in the snow and feared his car would be broken into if he left the t.v. as it was the most visible and expensive-looking item. So, he stated, he camouflaged the rest of his possessions, called B.C.A.A., threw his television under his arm and headed out to get a coffee to consume while waiting for the tow-truck when he stumbled upon our house.
[/ end scattered point form]
So he asks if he can leave it here for half an hour while he waits for the tow-truck and his friend who's going to pick him up. So, someone says "yeah", he said "thanks", puts the t.v. inside in the hallway, and leaves to go get a hold of his friend and wait for the tow-truck.
While all of this is going on, I am oblivious and inside drinking, smoking, and playing cards. My drunk brother then staggers into the room with his digital camera, shows us the pictures and brings us "up to speed" on the whole story. A few hands later, he comes back with his friend in a cream colored jeep says "thank you again" and picks up the t.v. End of story? I think not!
So then, a few days later two friends and I are outside the house having a cigarette and chatting when we see a sketchy guy approaching, walking by the house he continues to walk on and we comment "heh, sketchy dude". We finish our cigarettes and go inside we continue our conversation inside the doorway as we were standing there, I noticed a figure dart past the window. "D***, throw open the door, look that way and yell hey" I say as I put my shoes back on. D*** yelled as I ran behind him and toward a stunned looking man who was over by the backdoor of a car that had been sitting for a few months as we were attempting to sell it no one had looked in, at, or around this car in awhile. I of course asked him what he was doing as "back up" began to flow out of the house. Since I reached him first, I grabbed him, everyone else followed quickly behind me. The guy panicked, put his hands up and basically looked to me for mercy. His plea for mercy ended up being that the owner of the car (the person who had let him temporarily keep his l.c.d t.v. in the hallway) had also (later that night) allowed him to put a few bags in his non-insured car. There was a good possibility that this was true, the owner of the car is a "really nice guy" (who wasn't home right now) and would conceivably help this guy out by letting him toss some shit in a car that he wasn't using for a few days. I looked into the car and there where a few bags in the backseat and all of the doors of the car were locked. I told everyone that it was a misunderstanding, to go inside and I was going to get the key and let this guy take his shit out. I still laid into the guy about sneaking up on a car on our property and explained to him that he almost got the shit kicked out of him by five or six idiots who are literally always looking for an excuse to get in a "righteous fight" and and that he should just get his shit and make himself scarce. I went in, got the keys gave him his bags, and bid him fucking ado, or so I thought.
Later that night, when said owner of car returned I casually told him "and oh yeah, that guy who let put his bags in your car came and got them" he looked at me very confused, so I continued "You know, that guy Murray or whatever who's car got stuck in the snow, the guy with the t.v.?" the confused look remained although now his head was slightly cocked to the left "I ... know .. who you mean .. but.. I didn't say he could put any shit in my car" "oh" I said "well, he came and got it and I locked it back up afterwards"
Two nights later we were startled by a noise outside. I went out to investigate what do you know? there's buddy at the car and from what I can see HE'S BEEN LIVING IN IT. He behaves panicked at first when I confront him and almost looks like he's going to cry, he reminds me "but, you said it was a misunderstanding and you said it was okay and .. " I immediately put the kibosh on that and explained that I said it was a misunderstanding because he had led me to believe that it was a misunderstanding, he blatantly lied to me, and now we have a misunderstanding and he has five minutes to get his shit out. He then attempts to buddy up with me, I bring the conversation back around to him getting his shit out now, he appears like he is going to cry again.
I ask him if perhaps he has mental issues and would like me to call an agency or ministry on his behalf. He says that he does not want to be a burden on anyone and wants to buy the car! I explain to him, as delicately as possible, that now is not the time to discuss the purchase of the vehicle and he gets ANGRY with me leaning into me and yelling "why the fuck can't I buy it? it's for sale isn't it? My money's not good? you don't want to sell it to me?"
I then had to become the person I hate to be, the person you must become in order to maintain order, the person who is right but the person that you hate yourself for being after none the less. Neighbors were coming out, it was late, this had to be stopped, I grabbed him and drew back my hand, he froze, his mouth stopped and he tried to stagger backwards out of my grip. "are you alright out there" a neighbor hollered , "it's fine" I said. Holding the collar of his jacket I brought my face down to within an inch of his "If you have enough money to buy the car, you have enough fucking money to be in a hotel or an apartment, you have five minutes to get you and your possessions off of our property or I will instruct someone to call the the police and I will detain you until they arrive, do I make myself clear?" His eyes were cast downward and he said nothing. I got closer, I bumped his chin with my hand, made him look at me "do I make myself clear?" "yes" he said and looked down again "will you give me a chance to find somewhere to put my things, to get someone to pick me and them up?" "you have fifteen minutes" He comes and goes and comes and goes and finally leaves. I lock the car and return to bed.
The next day around noon I am letting my girlfriend in when the neighbor who hollered "is everything was alright?" walks over laughing "hey, you know your buddy who you were getting into a little match with out here last night? the guy who had the t.v.? guess where he got it from" oh shit, this isn't over yet? "where?" I inquire. "from the fucking XXXX restaurant just down the street" "No way" I actually laugh "that guy's got some cahoons huh?" "no shit". "Yeah, he stole it right off the wall of the restaurant not a block away" "Do they know we had the t.v. here and that that guy's been staying in our car?" I asked "No, I didn't put it all together until I got home, I noticed one of their tvs was missing while I was in there and I asked about it, they said it got stolen some night last week while they were open, thursday they think" "was that the day it snowed?" "yeah" "hahaha" "fuck, I guess I should go over and talk to them"
So I take the forty five second walk over to XXXX Restaurant and ask to speak to the manager. The young lady that I talk to informs me that she is an assistant manager and I can talk to her (how come everywhere has like nine assistant managers now?) I inform her that should she choose to talk to me it's going to take at least several minutes before our conversation comes close to it's apex and then she'll just go get the "manager manager" anyways and I'll have to say all of the same stuff over again to her/him so why doesn't she go get her/him and I'll begin telling them both and one of them can walk away and leave it to the other one as they see fit. She assures me that she can "help me" I say "oh, I don't have a complaint or anything" She's all "okay good" smile " what can I help you with?" (inside head steam) "Well, apparently you guys recently had a flat-screen television stolen from you lounge or something ..."
So, as our dialogue concludes ... she smiles and says "I'll be right back with the manager". So the manager and another assistant manager come over and I repeat everything to them up to and including the previous nights attempted eviction of the culprit. And here, is where things get interesting. He takes me aside and, in a hushed tone, thanks me for coming over and informs me that he is confident that it's an inside job and that his maintenance guy is in cahoots with car buddy and that he had been informed by employees that the maintenance guy and he had a history of exchanging cash and goods behind the restaurant and that the maintenance guy routinely let him while the restaurant was closed. I find this all very interesting because I love a good caper and look the manager in the eye "We can get 'em" he shows me the matching t.v. to the stolen one and asks me if I'm certain that the t.v. was same. I am, of course, not but remember that faithful drunk brother took pictures of it. I inform the manager that I'll be right back with proof, trek home, call brother, get him to e-mail me the pics, return to restaurant avec laptop and the theft is confirmed via digital hi-res imagery.
Using our uncanny abilities of deduction we concluded this much about the theft :
maintenance came in and a while they were "cleaning" chief unmounted and unhooked the t.v. but left it resting in it's usual position on the mountings as to not arouse suspicion. It was snowy as all whathaveyou that night so there were little or no patrons at the establishment so car buddy basically just lifted it off the wall and walked out. We assume that he'd probably being either using the car as a stash spot and/or living in it for awhile and planned to toss the t.v. in there while he waited for his accomplice(s) but when he began approaching the car he saw a crew of five or six drunk dudes hanging out smoking so he had to come up with a cover, B's truck was stuck and someone was yelling something about a woman, so the guy (all kiazer soze) walks up and is all "Me and my wife just split and as I was driving away with all my shit my car got stuck, the tow truck's coming but I don't want to leave my t.v. in the car because yadda yadda yadda ...".
So, following our discussion, I show the manager where the car is and give him permission to tackle people, call the cops if he sees anyone being sketchy in or around it. I stay up that night in an attempt to ambush car buddy but fall asleep beside a really hot girl at about 3. The next morning 6 am BUDDY IS OUTSIDE OF THE CAR, he flees and I return to bed. Later that day the police arrive just after noon and we have a lengthy discussion regarding options and outcomes of the current situation after half an hour he has basically reiterated what I already knew I can do whatever I was except throw everything into the street, if I want to dispose of it I must do I properly and at my own time/expense, wack. I then ask if I'm allowed to leave his shit and lay in wait, trap him in the car when he returns and call the police. That is allowed although the officer would rather that I did not approach him and just call the police. I attempt to explain that I love irony and that it would really be better for me if the car became his temporary prison, the officer was more concerned with safety and justice. So yeah, for the last little while he has not been living in the car but still storing things and returning to it routinely, I just have to catch him. And maybe confine him in the car.