Whispers and Promises III
Title: Whispers and Promises III
Author: 79_percent
Rating: PG-13
Form: Chaptered
Fandom: TVXQ
Pairing: JaeHo
Genre: Drama, Fluff, Angst
Whispers and Promises
III. Breaking the Shell
YooChun cheered inwardly when their last customer, a foreign couple in Hawaiian shirts left their table and headed for the beach just as the clock struck two. He had a gleeful expression plastered all over his lightly tanned face as he traced the duo’s footsteps with his bright eyes. When he was sure that he was out of their hearing range, he bounded across the restaurant and shouted in merriment.
“They’re gone! It’s past peak hour; let’s play!”
JunSu hopped out of his spot behind the cash register, startling his cousin who was sitting beside him with his excited demeanour, as he joined YooChun in the middle of the room.
“Yay! Let’s play!” He grinned, giving his hyung a high five before abruptly turning around to face his older cousin, as if he had forgotten something. “Can I?” He asked, lilting his request with a hopeful hint, putting his perfected puppy eyes for her to see. When the lady with bronze hair only smiled and gave him her consent, he gave YooChun a wide, victorious grin as they let their palms meet repeatedly in mid-air, both cheering in glee.
YunHo had to stifle his laughter as he balanced the used plates and cutlery on his tray with one hand. Beside him, ChangMin was torn between wanting to laugh and resuming his cleaning, so he ended up trembling as he gripped the edge of the wooden table.
“Come on, man! We haven’t got the time to really play these three days, let’s hit the beach!” YooChun said, throwing a frown at the all too diligent duo doing their respective tasks. He crossed the few metres of distance and grabbed ChangMin’s hand, pulling him away from his table. “You promised you’ll play, ChangMin!”
“I- I- I didn’t say I won’t,” the younger of the two replied, a little intimidated by how YooChun was staring back at him with accusation in his lucid eyes.
“Great! Let’s go, YunHo!”
“I’ll pass,” YunHo refused the offer politely, putting the dirty dishes inside the sink. “I’ll help out a little while more.” He appreciated his friend’s effort, but there and then he was not in the mood to fish for pretty girls at the beach. Not when his relationship was still at the brink of breaking.
The remaining trio gave a collective look of disbelief as they witnessed YunHo continuing to wash his dishes, effectively taking no heed to their surprised gape. Jung YunHo, the star player of their basket ball team, a born-athlete, someone who would give up almost everything for a good match, was actually refusing to participate in a game?
ChangMin gave YooChun a horrified look. “Their fight must be affecting him more than we thought,” he whispered softly, elbowing his older friend.
He watched YooChun nod in agreement; a hesitant shake of his head was immediately followed by a sharp jerk at JunSu’s ribs. “Do as planned.” YooChun hissed, intentionally overlooking the foul expression the blonde was giving him.
They watched JunSu saunter his way into the adjacent room. Soon, they heard the blonde shriek and whine, accentuating his bratty act with an adorable pout as he persuaded YunHo to join them. They thought a good physical exertion would help YunHo ease his troubles, or at least help release the pent up frustration inside his shell. There was no way their carefully planned arrangement was about to crumble just because the taller black-head refused to join!
“Hyung!” JunSu cried, pulling at YunHo’s uniform with all his might. “We can’t play beach volleyball with only three people! You have to join us!” He finished, putting an exaggerated emphasis on the last phrase, causing YunHo to frown at the uncharacteristic persistence.
“Since when we are playing beach volleyball? Aren’t you guys going fishing?”
“We’re not going fishing!”
“JunSu-yah, are you sure you know what I mean by fishing?”
“Of course I know! That’s what YooChun always does when he sees pretty girls!”
“Hey!!”
“Come on, YunHo-hyung, we’re not doing that! We’re not going fishing, I promise!”
The next few moments were filled with screams and protests, mostly coming from a very determined blonde. Dishes were left unwashed, cluttered in a messy heap in the sink; a white, apron-like uniform cut the air following the overly excited intonation and a grunted objection. ChangMin had given the chaos a bewildered stare before YooChun pulled him to join in, making the commotion worse. In a nutshell, it was a miniature World War III happening right at one heel of South Korea.
So that was how he ended up at the golden-white span of beach, running around the rectangular court topless, playing a game of beach volleyball. He had wanted to hit his room to rest, or maybe find himself a nice, cool spot and set himself a hammock before taking a nap. He was not planning to sweat this much during his break. He was not planning to play an intense game of beach volleyball with a huge spectator encircling the area either. But that was the exact things he ended up doing there and then.
“Hah! Losers pay for dinner!” YooChun shouted from the opposite side as he hit the ball over the net, completely forgetting that their meals were free of charge.
“I’ll make you broke, YooChun!” JunSu laughed, accepting the hard serve, passing the ball to his team-mate who immediately aimed it towards ground.
“Hyung!” YooChun protested. “Kim JunSu, call me hyung!”
“Only if you win!!”
YunHo felt the sudden urge to roll his eyes at their bickering. He caught ChangMin giving an equally helpless look across the court, fixing his gaze on the two who seemed to be engaged in a heated rally. YooChun aimed for JunSu while the blonde happily returned the ball to his older opponent with dead accuracy. It was supposed to be a two-on-two game, but soon enough, YunHo noticed that it had turned to be a one-on-one match between YooChun and JunSu.
However he ended up in the middle of their fight, he marvelled.
He watched the ball whiz pass him, to and fro, and he soon found his concentration wavering. He was slowly tuning out of the game. People around him began to fade in a blur of faces; the cheers were thunderous and yet the noise was droned out of his hearing. He was surrounded by so many people, he was one of the centres of attention, and yet he felt so strangely alone and lost. He looked at his three friends and felt something missing, like there was this empty slot that was left unfilled after their break. It used to be five of them, not four.
He heaved a slight sigh, feeling that it was so uncharacteristic of him to divert his focus during a game. Despite the scorching heat and the unwanted attention from random spectators, YunHo had planned to give it his best shot and fixed his focus on the game. He was just barely able to seize back his mind when he caught sight of something familiar in the distance.
He was far, standing at the elevated background, under a large palm tree, and yet YunHo had an amazingly clear view of his face. Or rather, for some weird, unexplainable rationale, he just knew who it was, even with the crowd. For a moment, chestnut brown eyes met deep chocolate and YunHo caught a small, unbidden smile emerging from those rosy lips. There and then, he suddenly felt all self-conscious about his appearance, and with whatever he was doing.
If previously he did not mind playing the twenty-minutes game of beach volleyball topless just because JunSu lost the deciding game of kawi-bawi-po (the other team having the privilege to keep their tops but with YooChun grumbling as he wanted to be the one running around without his shirt), now he was all embarrassed by his exposure. If formerly he was having a good time showing off his skills, there and then he was cursing himself for attracting so much attention.
“Yah, YunHo, where are you looking at?”
YunHo heard the voice but the words were not registered. He was still looking far away at the opposite direction, at the latest person he managed to befriend just some nights ago. For some odd reason, he was so tempted to call the other boy to join them.
“Hyung! Watch out!!”
This time YunHo heeded the call just because it was so ear-splitting and its tone carried a warning signal. He turned, wrenching his eyes away to return his concentration back to the game. He was not even able to figure out where the ball was for him to hit back when a hard surface met his handsome face with a loud smack. He saw stars twinkling in broad daylight.
He had wanted to look for JaeJoong after the game, which would be ending in less than five minutes. There was something in the way that the other boy was looking at them- no, him, that made his concern materialise into a solid embodiment. Somehow he was worried. For him.
“Oh my goodness, YooChun, you killed YunHo-hyung!”
That was the last thing heard before he felt himself fall and darkness arrested his conscience. It seemed like his plan had to wait.
That night he was once again left sitting on the floor by the window, like he had for the past few days, since the other three raided his bed and made a total mess of his room. YunHo rubbed his cheek, wincing when he applied a little too much pressure on the sore spot. The impact of the hit was hurting him more than what he thought it would.
“I didn’t know you like noona-type, YooChun-hyung!” ChangMin commented with a wide grin, poking the other at his ribs.
“Yeah!” JunSu chirped, equally gleeful for some reason. “I always thought you like pretty girls, not pretty noona-deul!”
He stifled a smile when YooChun only dismissed the assertion with a cynical remark, obviously embarrassed. He always thought that too, until he witnessed YooChun ogling at random beach-babes who patron their food stall. Earlier that evening, the boy with light brown mane even tried to hit on one, only to find out that she was one of JunSu’s many lovely cousins. Needless to say, they all earned a good laugh at YooChun’s expense.
YunHo felt the urge to sigh again, once again looking at the blurred line where sea met sand. He wished he could bring the turmoil in his heart to dwindle; perhaps then he would be able to really enjoy the last of his holiday. But there and then, he did not know what he could, or should, do to solve his problem. He did not even know where to start.
“YunHo-hyung.” ChangMin whined. “Join us! I feel so like a gooseberry with these two!”
He was about to respond, accepting the invitation, when he thought he saw a familiar glimpse of red jacket from somewhere amongst golden yellow. When the figure did not disappear even after he blinked for a few times, YunHo gave a relieved sigh and took off for the beach.
“I’m going out for a while.” He said hurriedly, not bothering to look back. “I think I saw someone I know.”
“Is it a chick?” YooChun shouted absently at the running figure. “Is she pretty?” He added, louder this time, but only grinned in mischief when JunSu elbowed him. “He’s learning, isn’t he?”
“How come I don’t see a thing?” ChangMin asked, ruffling his dark brown hair in confusion as he took YunHo’s spot and stared at the same span on sand.
“I don’t either,” JunSu added thoughtfully when he suddenly appeared behind the youngest boy, startling the life out of the latter.
“He must have super eyes” YooChun laughed, plopping himself stomach-flat on the bed. “Let him be, kids, sometimes we have to understand that people need some time alone to reflect.”
YunHo was breathing hard when he reached his destination, but a smile immediately appeared when he saw the one he was looking for standing a few metres in front of him, staring at the sea with such child-like wonderment he still sported since the last time they met.
“Hey,” he called softly, still afraid to break the strangely comforting tranquillity around the other boy. When his companion turned around, giving a surprised air at his sudden arrival, YunHo could not help but smile.
“Still waiting?” He asked, a mixture of concern and curiosity evident in that phrase he uttered. Though uninvited, he took his rightful place beside the mild personality, placing his feet right where the cold water barely swiped the ground, wetting the sand a darker shade of gold.
He heard JaeJoong chuckle; the pleasant sound filled the subdued atmosphere with mirth. “I guess so,” the other answered; the small smile persisted, binding his words with amusement. “What about you?” He added gently, turning give YunHo a questioning look. “Are you still thinking?”
YunHo gave a sheepish smile, intertwining his hands in an awkward gesture. “I guess so,” he mimicked, shaking his head at the sweet laughter he derived. He watched JaeJoong’s joy persist for a short while, before a forlorn look replaced that smile he had grown to like.
“What happened?” He asked quietly after a short pause, unsure if JaeJoong would answer his question. When he was only rewarded with a confused tilt on his black head, YunHo continued. “To your Estelle, I mean.”
JaeJoong gave him a long, wordless stare, before shifting to look back at the sea. For a moment, he thought he had crossed the line, but something in the way those eyes were looking at him began to tug persistently at the back of his heart. It made him worry. Like it did earlier.
“We were not accepted for some reason.” The faint reply was voiced so softly he had to strain to make out the words above the loud, repetitive crash of backwash. JaeJoong gave himself a wan smile. “After leaving under pressure three years ago, we never saw each other anymore.” He sighed softly, looking at the sea as if it would grant him his one wish. “I wonder what Estelle is doing now.”
“You must love her a lot...” YunHo remarked in thought.
“And you, too, do you not?” He inserted without missing a beat, giving YunHo a smile.
YunHo stared back at the large, concerned twin pools of brown, feeling that those piercing gaze could explicate him down to his bones. He would answer the query with a firm “yes”, but somehow, there and then, with the battle raging in his mind, he could only manage a weak nod. He was not planning to tell, he was not planning to spill, and yet now when put under such intense, even almost pleading, eyes that showed nothing but understanding, YunHo found himself relenting at the unspoken query.
“We- We fought...” He started, not realising where his words were taking him to. When he looked up, JaeJoong only gave him an encouraging smile.
“I said something I shouldn’t have. I should have trusted her but I didn’t.” It was his turn to sigh. “Then she said she needs a break,” he exhaled deeply, staring at the dark ocean. “So here I am, trying to figure out how to mend my life and I don’t even know where to start.”
“But at least you’re still fighting for yourselves, right?” YunHo looked at his friend, not understanding his comment. “At least you’re working for your relationship,” JaeJoong added. “The worst thing that could happen is giving up after you went through so much with your other half.”
At the remark, YunHo felt the strong urge to refute. He was not fighting for them, was he? He ran away from his problem, he ran away from them; was that what he called fighting for it? He was not as strong as JaeJoong perceived. He was a coward, choosing escapism as his salvation instead of facing it bravely like a man. He had wanted to counter, to be brutally honest with JaeJoong, but somehow he felt himself hesitating.
“She still loves you.” JaeJoong smiled. “Trust me.”
YunHo gave his friend a long look. Even if for a split second, those heartening words gave him hope, and the strength to face life.
“You know, you really look like someone very close to my heart,” he heard JaeJoong comment, almost wistfully. It was only then that he realised the other had been blatantly staring back at him for quite some time. “I thought it was just the light playing tricks, but you really remind me of him. Even the feeling you give me is similar. How could one look so alike with another?”
At YunHo’s bemused expression, JaeJoong only nodded in reaffirmation, before adding sombrely, “But he left this place for good. He never came back even after he promised he would.”
YunHo had wanted to probe further, but immediately retreated. At those downcast melanin irises, somehow, again, he felt like he needed to lift such heart-rending expression.
“I can be your friend too,” he said softly, earning a glance. “If you want me to.”
JaeJoong gave him a sincere smile, thankful. “Aren’t we already?”
At that, YunHo felt himself returning the gesture, before following the other and let his eyes roam the vast ocean spread for his eyes to feast. He did not know how, or why, but both the sea, and JaeJoong in person, seemed to have this special approach to worm their way into his heart, albeit for a short moment. As he relished the silent company, there and then, while he stared far off into the horizon, YunHo could not help but think back of his life.
“I wonder what Estelle is doing now.”
How was his Estelle coping without him?
"Whispers and Promises"
Part III
-end-
Author: 79_percent
Rating: PG-13
Form: Chaptered
Fandom: TVXQ
Pairing: JaeHo
Genre: Drama, Fluff, Angst
Whispers and Promises
III. Breaking the Shell
YooChun cheered inwardly when their last customer, a foreign couple in Hawaiian shirts left their table and headed for the beach just as the clock struck two. He had a gleeful expression plastered all over his lightly tanned face as he traced the duo’s footsteps with his bright eyes. When he was sure that he was out of their hearing range, he bounded across the restaurant and shouted in merriment.
“They’re gone! It’s past peak hour; let’s play!”
JunSu hopped out of his spot behind the cash register, startling his cousin who was sitting beside him with his excited demeanour, as he joined YooChun in the middle of the room.
“Yay! Let’s play!” He grinned, giving his hyung a high five before abruptly turning around to face his older cousin, as if he had forgotten something. “Can I?” He asked, lilting his request with a hopeful hint, putting his perfected puppy eyes for her to see. When the lady with bronze hair only smiled and gave him her consent, he gave YooChun a wide, victorious grin as they let their palms meet repeatedly in mid-air, both cheering in glee.
YunHo had to stifle his laughter as he balanced the used plates and cutlery on his tray with one hand. Beside him, ChangMin was torn between wanting to laugh and resuming his cleaning, so he ended up trembling as he gripped the edge of the wooden table.
“Come on, man! We haven’t got the time to really play these three days, let’s hit the beach!” YooChun said, throwing a frown at the all too diligent duo doing their respective tasks. He crossed the few metres of distance and grabbed ChangMin’s hand, pulling him away from his table. “You promised you’ll play, ChangMin!”
“I- I- I didn’t say I won’t,” the younger of the two replied, a little intimidated by how YooChun was staring back at him with accusation in his lucid eyes.
“Great! Let’s go, YunHo!”
“I’ll pass,” YunHo refused the offer politely, putting the dirty dishes inside the sink. “I’ll help out a little while more.” He appreciated his friend’s effort, but there and then he was not in the mood to fish for pretty girls at the beach. Not when his relationship was still at the brink of breaking.
The remaining trio gave a collective look of disbelief as they witnessed YunHo continuing to wash his dishes, effectively taking no heed to their surprised gape. Jung YunHo, the star player of their basket ball team, a born-athlete, someone who would give up almost everything for a good match, was actually refusing to participate in a game?
ChangMin gave YooChun a horrified look. “Their fight must be affecting him more than we thought,” he whispered softly, elbowing his older friend.
He watched YooChun nod in agreement; a hesitant shake of his head was immediately followed by a sharp jerk at JunSu’s ribs. “Do as planned.” YooChun hissed, intentionally overlooking the foul expression the blonde was giving him.
They watched JunSu saunter his way into the adjacent room. Soon, they heard the blonde shriek and whine, accentuating his bratty act with an adorable pout as he persuaded YunHo to join them. They thought a good physical exertion would help YunHo ease his troubles, or at least help release the pent up frustration inside his shell. There was no way their carefully planned arrangement was about to crumble just because the taller black-head refused to join!
“Hyung!” JunSu cried, pulling at YunHo’s uniform with all his might. “We can’t play beach volleyball with only three people! You have to join us!” He finished, putting an exaggerated emphasis on the last phrase, causing YunHo to frown at the uncharacteristic persistence.
“Since when we are playing beach volleyball? Aren’t you guys going fishing?”
“We’re not going fishing!”
“JunSu-yah, are you sure you know what I mean by fishing?”
“Of course I know! That’s what YooChun always does when he sees pretty girls!”
“Hey!!”
“Come on, YunHo-hyung, we’re not doing that! We’re not going fishing, I promise!”
The next few moments were filled with screams and protests, mostly coming from a very determined blonde. Dishes were left unwashed, cluttered in a messy heap in the sink; a white, apron-like uniform cut the air following the overly excited intonation and a grunted objection. ChangMin had given the chaos a bewildered stare before YooChun pulled him to join in, making the commotion worse. In a nutshell, it was a miniature World War III happening right at one heel of South Korea.
So that was how he ended up at the golden-white span of beach, running around the rectangular court topless, playing a game of beach volleyball. He had wanted to hit his room to rest, or maybe find himself a nice, cool spot and set himself a hammock before taking a nap. He was not planning to sweat this much during his break. He was not planning to play an intense game of beach volleyball with a huge spectator encircling the area either. But that was the exact things he ended up doing there and then.
“Hah! Losers pay for dinner!” YooChun shouted from the opposite side as he hit the ball over the net, completely forgetting that their meals were free of charge.
“I’ll make you broke, YooChun!” JunSu laughed, accepting the hard serve, passing the ball to his team-mate who immediately aimed it towards ground.
“Hyung!” YooChun protested. “Kim JunSu, call me hyung!”
“Only if you win!!”
YunHo felt the sudden urge to roll his eyes at their bickering. He caught ChangMin giving an equally helpless look across the court, fixing his gaze on the two who seemed to be engaged in a heated rally. YooChun aimed for JunSu while the blonde happily returned the ball to his older opponent with dead accuracy. It was supposed to be a two-on-two game, but soon enough, YunHo noticed that it had turned to be a one-on-one match between YooChun and JunSu.
However he ended up in the middle of their fight, he marvelled.
He watched the ball whiz pass him, to and fro, and he soon found his concentration wavering. He was slowly tuning out of the game. People around him began to fade in a blur of faces; the cheers were thunderous and yet the noise was droned out of his hearing. He was surrounded by so many people, he was one of the centres of attention, and yet he felt so strangely alone and lost. He looked at his three friends and felt something missing, like there was this empty slot that was left unfilled after their break. It used to be five of them, not four.
He heaved a slight sigh, feeling that it was so uncharacteristic of him to divert his focus during a game. Despite the scorching heat and the unwanted attention from random spectators, YunHo had planned to give it his best shot and fixed his focus on the game. He was just barely able to seize back his mind when he caught sight of something familiar in the distance.
He was far, standing at the elevated background, under a large palm tree, and yet YunHo had an amazingly clear view of his face. Or rather, for some weird, unexplainable rationale, he just knew who it was, even with the crowd. For a moment, chestnut brown eyes met deep chocolate and YunHo caught a small, unbidden smile emerging from those rosy lips. There and then, he suddenly felt all self-conscious about his appearance, and with whatever he was doing.
If previously he did not mind playing the twenty-minutes game of beach volleyball topless just because JunSu lost the deciding game of kawi-bawi-po (the other team having the privilege to keep their tops but with YooChun grumbling as he wanted to be the one running around without his shirt), now he was all embarrassed by his exposure. If formerly he was having a good time showing off his skills, there and then he was cursing himself for attracting so much attention.
“Yah, YunHo, where are you looking at?”
YunHo heard the voice but the words were not registered. He was still looking far away at the opposite direction, at the latest person he managed to befriend just some nights ago. For some odd reason, he was so tempted to call the other boy to join them.
“Hyung! Watch out!!”
This time YunHo heeded the call just because it was so ear-splitting and its tone carried a warning signal. He turned, wrenching his eyes away to return his concentration back to the game. He was not even able to figure out where the ball was for him to hit back when a hard surface met his handsome face with a loud smack. He saw stars twinkling in broad daylight.
He had wanted to look for JaeJoong after the game, which would be ending in less than five minutes. There was something in the way that the other boy was looking at them- no, him, that made his concern materialise into a solid embodiment. Somehow he was worried. For him.
“Oh my goodness, YooChun, you killed YunHo-hyung!”
That was the last thing heard before he felt himself fall and darkness arrested his conscience. It seemed like his plan had to wait.
That night he was once again left sitting on the floor by the window, like he had for the past few days, since the other three raided his bed and made a total mess of his room. YunHo rubbed his cheek, wincing when he applied a little too much pressure on the sore spot. The impact of the hit was hurting him more than what he thought it would.
“I didn’t know you like noona-type, YooChun-hyung!” ChangMin commented with a wide grin, poking the other at his ribs.
“Yeah!” JunSu chirped, equally gleeful for some reason. “I always thought you like pretty girls, not pretty noona-deul!”
He stifled a smile when YooChun only dismissed the assertion with a cynical remark, obviously embarrassed. He always thought that too, until he witnessed YooChun ogling at random beach-babes who patron their food stall. Earlier that evening, the boy with light brown mane even tried to hit on one, only to find out that she was one of JunSu’s many lovely cousins. Needless to say, they all earned a good laugh at YooChun’s expense.
YunHo felt the urge to sigh again, once again looking at the blurred line where sea met sand. He wished he could bring the turmoil in his heart to dwindle; perhaps then he would be able to really enjoy the last of his holiday. But there and then, he did not know what he could, or should, do to solve his problem. He did not even know where to start.
“YunHo-hyung.” ChangMin whined. “Join us! I feel so like a gooseberry with these two!”
He was about to respond, accepting the invitation, when he thought he saw a familiar glimpse of red jacket from somewhere amongst golden yellow. When the figure did not disappear even after he blinked for a few times, YunHo gave a relieved sigh and took off for the beach.
“I’m going out for a while.” He said hurriedly, not bothering to look back. “I think I saw someone I know.”
“Is it a chick?” YooChun shouted absently at the running figure. “Is she pretty?” He added, louder this time, but only grinned in mischief when JunSu elbowed him. “He’s learning, isn’t he?”
“How come I don’t see a thing?” ChangMin asked, ruffling his dark brown hair in confusion as he took YunHo’s spot and stared at the same span on sand.
“I don’t either,” JunSu added thoughtfully when he suddenly appeared behind the youngest boy, startling the life out of the latter.
“He must have super eyes” YooChun laughed, plopping himself stomach-flat on the bed. “Let him be, kids, sometimes we have to understand that people need some time alone to reflect.”
YunHo was breathing hard when he reached his destination, but a smile immediately appeared when he saw the one he was looking for standing a few metres in front of him, staring at the sea with such child-like wonderment he still sported since the last time they met.
“Hey,” he called softly, still afraid to break the strangely comforting tranquillity around the other boy. When his companion turned around, giving a surprised air at his sudden arrival, YunHo could not help but smile.
“Still waiting?” He asked, a mixture of concern and curiosity evident in that phrase he uttered. Though uninvited, he took his rightful place beside the mild personality, placing his feet right where the cold water barely swiped the ground, wetting the sand a darker shade of gold.
He heard JaeJoong chuckle; the pleasant sound filled the subdued atmosphere with mirth. “I guess so,” the other answered; the small smile persisted, binding his words with amusement. “What about you?” He added gently, turning give YunHo a questioning look. “Are you still thinking?”
YunHo gave a sheepish smile, intertwining his hands in an awkward gesture. “I guess so,” he mimicked, shaking his head at the sweet laughter he derived. He watched JaeJoong’s joy persist for a short while, before a forlorn look replaced that smile he had grown to like.
“What happened?” He asked quietly after a short pause, unsure if JaeJoong would answer his question. When he was only rewarded with a confused tilt on his black head, YunHo continued. “To your Estelle, I mean.”
JaeJoong gave him a long, wordless stare, before shifting to look back at the sea. For a moment, he thought he had crossed the line, but something in the way those eyes were looking at him began to tug persistently at the back of his heart. It made him worry. Like it did earlier.
“We were not accepted for some reason.” The faint reply was voiced so softly he had to strain to make out the words above the loud, repetitive crash of backwash. JaeJoong gave himself a wan smile. “After leaving under pressure three years ago, we never saw each other anymore.” He sighed softly, looking at the sea as if it would grant him his one wish. “I wonder what Estelle is doing now.”
“You must love her a lot...” YunHo remarked in thought.
“And you, too, do you not?” He inserted without missing a beat, giving YunHo a smile.
YunHo stared back at the large, concerned twin pools of brown, feeling that those piercing gaze could explicate him down to his bones. He would answer the query with a firm “yes”, but somehow, there and then, with the battle raging in his mind, he could only manage a weak nod. He was not planning to tell, he was not planning to spill, and yet now when put under such intense, even almost pleading, eyes that showed nothing but understanding, YunHo found himself relenting at the unspoken query.
“We- We fought...” He started, not realising where his words were taking him to. When he looked up, JaeJoong only gave him an encouraging smile.
“I said something I shouldn’t have. I should have trusted her but I didn’t.” It was his turn to sigh. “Then she said she needs a break,” he exhaled deeply, staring at the dark ocean. “So here I am, trying to figure out how to mend my life and I don’t even know where to start.”
“But at least you’re still fighting for yourselves, right?” YunHo looked at his friend, not understanding his comment. “At least you’re working for your relationship,” JaeJoong added. “The worst thing that could happen is giving up after you went through so much with your other half.”
At the remark, YunHo felt the strong urge to refute. He was not fighting for them, was he? He ran away from his problem, he ran away from them; was that what he called fighting for it? He was not as strong as JaeJoong perceived. He was a coward, choosing escapism as his salvation instead of facing it bravely like a man. He had wanted to counter, to be brutally honest with JaeJoong, but somehow he felt himself hesitating.
“She still loves you.” JaeJoong smiled. “Trust me.”
YunHo gave his friend a long look. Even if for a split second, those heartening words gave him hope, and the strength to face life.
“You know, you really look like someone very close to my heart,” he heard JaeJoong comment, almost wistfully. It was only then that he realised the other had been blatantly staring back at him for quite some time. “I thought it was just the light playing tricks, but you really remind me of him. Even the feeling you give me is similar. How could one look so alike with another?”
At YunHo’s bemused expression, JaeJoong only nodded in reaffirmation, before adding sombrely, “But he left this place for good. He never came back even after he promised he would.”
YunHo had wanted to probe further, but immediately retreated. At those downcast melanin irises, somehow, again, he felt like he needed to lift such heart-rending expression.
“I can be your friend too,” he said softly, earning a glance. “If you want me to.”
JaeJoong gave him a sincere smile, thankful. “Aren’t we already?”
At that, YunHo felt himself returning the gesture, before following the other and let his eyes roam the vast ocean spread for his eyes to feast. He did not know how, or why, but both the sea, and JaeJoong in person, seemed to have this special approach to worm their way into his heart, albeit for a short moment. As he relished the silent company, there and then, while he stared far off into the horizon, YunHo could not help but think back of his life.
“I wonder what Estelle is doing now.”
How was his Estelle coping without him?
"Whispers and Promises"
Part III
-end-