Understanding
Title: Understanding
Author: althea 79_percent
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: JaeHo
Form: One-shot
Fandom: DBSG
Genre: Fluff
Misc Notes: Written for jaeho_yongwonhi. Theme #3 - DUI.
Understanding
One Shot
He reckoned life was weird as it is when he thought he had the worst ordeal in his life. He thought it was, but Life is strange like that. When you thought you had your fair share of misfortune, one other would come up and push you back down into that deep hole you were trying to crawl out of all your life.
He remembered talking to his grandmother when she was diagnosed with arthritis at her old age of 83. A strange pang of sympathy and guilt washed over him as he caught her trying to stand on her own two feet. Why guilt, he never did fully comprehend, but perhaps, it was just how he felt so remorseful for not being able to help. As he watched her try to move around the ward with that crutch, he thought he heard his heart break.
"I'm sorry," he remembered telling his grandmother without really knowing why he said that as he supported her with his arms.
"Don't be," the old lady muttered, a smile as radiant as his own dawned on her worn face. "It's not your fault."
He knew it was not. But he knew it was not hers either. They would have thought that she had her own fair share of troubles and turmoil with what she had experienced in her life, but apparently, that was not the case. Apparently, he remembered her mentioning with a slight laugh, she must have gotten other people's shares as well.
"It's not your fault, JaeJoong. You can't do anything even if you know it's coming," she said at one point of time in his life. "It's an old woman's disease."
"But-"
"Things do happen." She cut his half-uttered protest. "But they happen for a reason. And it's up to you to see how it actually is."
He caught her smile again when he raised one eyebrow in confusion.
"You'll understand when you're in my shoes."
"Halmoni...." He whimpered, almost exasperated at her strong will. Sometimes he did not want her to be so strong, sometimes he did not want her to smile. Because it just hurt when you see someone close smiling like that when you know they are so hurting deep inside.
"Besides..." She added. "You're already helping by being here."
She gave the hand on her elbow a gentle pat, acknowledging how he was supporting her.
"Thank you."
It was way too deep for his twelve year-old mind to absorb but when given such a heart-warming smile, JaeJoong could not help but return the gesture with one as bright even if the sight of his grandmother losing her last shred of independence mauled his heart.
He took a long drag from the cigarette stick between his slender fingers. JaeJoong gave a rueful smile as he let one hand comb through his hair in a habitual gesture. He thought he had kicked the habit, but he did not, apparently. If YunHo saw him like this, he was sure his leader would frown with disapproval.
"You'll ruin your beautiful voice if you continue to smoke," he would chide softly, wrestling the cancerous stick away from him with one swift motion.
Time and time again, he would just remind the slightly younger person that KangTa had been smoking for years and he still sings like a nightingale - if not better.
JaeJoong knew, he just knew, if he said that, he would be awarded with a helpless smile which he would return with a slight chuckle.
His eyes followed the lazy trail of smoke that came out from that lighted tip. It looked purple, a little like those small flowers of lavender that he used to see in movies. The haze was heavy at its base, before dissipating into thin air as it ascended the night sky. He likened his life to it. At first it was so full and enriched with everything he wanted, everything he strived for in his existence, but it started to thin as time brushed past his shoulders. It got thinner and more translucent as he climbed higher until finally, it disappeared into nothingness, blending perfectly with the onyx black background of the night.
He thought he was already at the peak when he tore his knee ligament and could not participate in the group activities. But he was wrong. Always. Apparently even in that condition, he managed to climb even higher and chose to fall once again at this point of time.
You know how they say that if you climb higher, the harder you fall?
They are right.
To be honest, nothing could describe his feelings at the moment. Not even when he tried to put them into words. It seemed like nothing could make him feel better.
Why was his life so f*cked up?
Countless of times he wondered to himself. Other times he could not help but moan. Why could it not be him? Why must it be him? Why could it not be other people?
JaeJoong hissed when that thought crossed his mind. Almost abruptly, his fingers flexed, surprised at the notion; he almost dropped his cigarette if not for his fast reflexes.
He knew he did not mean that. No matter how hard life seemed, it always looked easier when it's about himself. Not about other people. At least, in that situation, he would know what to do. Though it seemed like nothing he did would help alleviate the pressure pressing hard on his shoulders at the moment, at least he knew he would be able to find a solution for it, sooner or later.
After all, he had gone through so much to be where he was at the moment. This is nothing compared to all those years of hardship and fights he had endured to be what he wanted to be, to be where he wanted to be.
His gaze softened; it trailed down to where his palm was resting against the wooden bench. Once again he followed the hazy remnant of smoke ascending against gravity.
He would not want ChangMin to go through whatever he was going through at the moment. Neither would he want JunSu. Though their age difference never really mattered when they were all working together as professionals, behind the stage, JaeJoong just could not help but let his brotherly instinct flourish. Although YooChun might be able to take it better, but sometimes the boy's fragility made him worry. No matter how strong they seemed, they each had their fair share of life.
He sighed.
And then there was YunHo...
A small smile lit up his expression when he thought of the other boy. The only thing that entered his mind whenever he thought of his leader was only of fondness. He never realised when he started feeling like that, but he never wanted to explicate it either. He knew it happened, and he was content with just letting things float like it is now.
He did not dare to confront it, he must admit. Over the years where he walked this path, he had grown dependent on that charming persona. Not until the extent where he could not live without the other, but close. He never came to a truce about how he felt towards this particular team member, not even to himself. He did not want to even risk jeopardising it. He would rather leave it like it is, having YunHo as a friend, a really good friend, rather than anything else. It did not matter how he live, how he actually feel deep down as long as they are there, as long as he is there.
He knew he leaned too far this time, much further than he should allow himself to, but sometimes, things just happen.
Yes. Things do happen.
Like how he was caught drunk-driving.
He cursed softly when darkened flakes of ashes from his cigarette burnt his fingertips. Heaving a deep, almost resigned sigh, JaeJoong extinguished his lighted stick and rested his throbbing head against the back of his palm.
He should not have driven that night. He should have waited for a few more hours. He should have known better. He should know how long it would take for the alcohol in his body to be metabolised. He did not drink much that night, which made the situation even sadder than it already was. If he was more careful, the group would not have to suffer like this - and they could just concentrate on the upcoming tour. If only...
There are so many "if only"s in this life he would need more than two lifetimes to reverse time and make everything right again.
After the ordeal was made public and he was given notice of his suspension, he took a deliberate flight away from his four closest friends. All he felt was guilt and remorse, and how he had let them down time and time again. It was guilt, shame and embarrassment all tangled together in a blurred fusion. None of them blamed him for it, but he knew himself better. After that incident, he lost all courage to face them. He felt like he had let them down one too many times. Especially at this point of time.
He felt he needed the space, so he left, without a word.
For the umpteenth time that night, JaeJoong felt his handphone vibrating within the recesses of his pocket, breaking his thoughts into fragmented pieces he was too lazy to pick up and mend. He resisted for a few moments, before releasing a defeated huff and fished the sleek, black device from his jacket.
Incoming Call: YunHo
His fingers trembled, the slight tremor evident in his hand. He gave his phone one long look, his tongue toyed with the dry surface of his lips, before putting it back in his pocket, switching it off.
He's not ready. Not yet.
It was not that he did not trust them. He knew they were worried for him; he knew they would not blame him, but when friendship came face to face with such turbulence, his confidence shook. Not his faith towards their friendship, but his belief in himself.
It's tiring, he thought to himself. Having to question himself again and again, having to doubt everything, having to live life like this.
Somehow, at the moment, he wished there was someone he could count on, someone that he knew would not judge him but love him just for who he was, who he is, and who he will be. He was not being greedy. He did not wish for someone who would share his burden, to share his agony. All he wanted was that someone to understand him, to be there for him when the world had turned its back on him. All he wanted was... for him to believe in it, to believe that that someone existed, to convince himself that there is such a person in his life.
Sitting alone on that wooden bench by the lake, JaeJoong wrapped his coat closer, embracing himself tighter. He let his head rest on the hard surface as he locked his gaze on one random star that seemed to twinkle too brightly against the dark backdrop.
He did not know why he was there, he did not know what he was searching for, but he felt the need to be alone, to think. His grandmother's words a couple of years back came floating back to him, forcing a frown to arise on his well-sculpted face.
"Things do happen. But they happen for a reason. And it's up to you to see how it actually is. You'll understand when you're in my shoes."
He likened his situation to hers, but still, he could not understand.
As he breathed another deep sigh, as he let his thoughts board another train departing to nowhere, as he watched that lone star twinkle in the midnight sky, he thought he saw a faint shadow of a familiar face, with a familiar smile. Unknown even to himself, a wistful look glazed over his chiselled features.
It was not until a few hours later when he decided to return. With one last check of his handphone (14 missed calls, 56 text messages received), JaeJoong treaded home.
The first thing that caught his attention when he entered their shared apartment was the television. It was still on, despite the dark surrounding, showing a repeat broadcast of some show. After he turned it off he caught sight of a darkened bundle of something, or someone, slumped across the white sofa. He hid a small smile when he recognised that distinct print on the blanket covering the sleeping figure. Tiptoeing closer, careful to keep himself silent, JaeJoong crossed the short distance and crouched so he was face-level with the sleeping figure.
When he was about to adjust the blanket, he noticed another black device, similar to his own, nestled safely within one grasp, against that broad chest. JaeJoong shook his head, letting loose strands of his black hair cover his face from the gentle motion. A slight sign of mirth tinted his worn face. He found the culprit who flooded his phone inbox.
He wanted to apologise. He needed to apologise. For everything he did. But as he let his gaze stray, words caught in his throat, refusing to leave his lips.
A strange expression crossed his face as he let his hand brush those dark brown bangs out from his forehead. His fingers travelled further, combing through the soft mass of dark melanin. His thoughts raced; everything was in a tangled mess in his brain. The single thing he could focus on was how tired the other person looked even in his sleep. And how his heart twisted at the sight.
"I'm sorry..." His whisper slipped; startling himself, rousing the other.
He felt him stir from the gentle intrusion on his hair and JaeJoong quickly withdrew his hand. Twin pools of dark chocolate cracked open as one hand shot up to rub them.
"JaeJoongie?" Came the slurred speech, evidence that he was not fully awake yet.
"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," JaeJoong smiled in response, a wan smile persisted on his face. He knew no matter how tired he seemed, the others were as worn out as he was.
"Sleeping Beauty?" A bewildered shake of brown head elicited a chime-like chuckle from JaeJoong.
"Go back to your room, YunHo. You'll fall sick if you sleep outside like this," the older of the two insisted as he watched his leader shoot up to a sitting position at the unaccustomed nickname. When JaeJoong felt the obtuse angle of elevation was straining his neck, he crawled up and took his seat beside an eye-rubbing YunHo.
Perhaps it was just a second of misdemeanour, a fraction of unguarded posture, but for a moment when he had his eyes planted on his best friend, JaeJoong felt something tug hard at the back of his mind.
"JaeJoong-ah."
JaeJoong looked up at his name.
"Are you alright?"
A leader he is, JaeJoong thought as he gave his companion an affirmed nod.
"What?" JaeJoong finally asked, running a wary hand through his hair when YunHo kept his gaze on JaeJoong for a time span longer than what he deemed comfortable. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
The indecipherable expression on YunHo's face dissolved, only to be replaced by a goofy smile that was distinct of Dong Bang's leader. JaeJoong caught the slightly beckoning gesture of his hand and raised one suspicious eyebrow. When he noticed that his main vocal made no attempt to move, YunHo scooted closer, closing whatever small gap between them.
"W-what?" JaeJoong repeated, his anxiety grew, butterflies began to fly at the pit on his stomach, his defences once again erecting protective walls around himself.
YunHo put one hand behind JaeJoong's neck and gently pulled the other boy closer in a loose embrace. He guided the other and let JaeJoong rest his chin on his shoulder.
"YunHo-yah..."
A surprised statement.
"Go on." JaeJoong heard that soothing bass voice waft from the back of his head; his tone was so warm it felt like he cooed. "Just cry if you want to."
At the cue, JaeJoong felt his eyes mist and his heart twist from the overwhelming upsurge of emotions. He bit his lower lip, not wanting to let his tears fall. Subconsciously, he tightened his embrace. He stayed like that, immobile; nothing came out of his lips, nothing came out from his eyes.
"I'm here, JaeJoong-ah... Everything will be alright. I promise."
JaeJoong let his fingers intertwine against YunHo's back as he dipped his head, pressing his forehead against his broad shoulder blade. A few seconds later, after a deep, long sigh, his form began to shake, albeit slightly, as he finally let his barrier dissolve and he succumbed to the comfort that he had been searching for all these while.
JaeJoong did not comprehend what his grandmother meant when she said those words to him back at the hospital. Almost eight years down the road, he still was not on a full realisation, but at least, it seemed like he was starting to see something out of it.
All along, he was searching for someone who would understand him even if he didn't say anything. He thought there was none, he thought he did not. But he did...
He does. Always.
It was not until then that he realised how much they could brave. As long as they have each other, it would be alright.
He has that someone after all.
- end -
A/N: Didn't realise it went on this long. ><; Had wanted to revamp this a little, but I thought I'd leave it like it is. ^^ Thanks for reading~!
(edit @ 060716:
Thank you! ^^)
Author: althea 79_percent
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: JaeHo
Form: One-shot
Fandom: DBSG
Genre: Fluff
Misc Notes: Written for jaeho_yongwonhi. Theme #3 - DUI.
Understanding
One Shot
He reckoned life was weird as it is when he thought he had the worst ordeal in his life. He thought it was, but Life is strange like that. When you thought you had your fair share of misfortune, one other would come up and push you back down into that deep hole you were trying to crawl out of all your life.
He remembered talking to his grandmother when she was diagnosed with arthritis at her old age of 83. A strange pang of sympathy and guilt washed over him as he caught her trying to stand on her own two feet. Why guilt, he never did fully comprehend, but perhaps, it was just how he felt so remorseful for not being able to help. As he watched her try to move around the ward with that crutch, he thought he heard his heart break.
"I'm sorry," he remembered telling his grandmother without really knowing why he said that as he supported her with his arms.
"Don't be," the old lady muttered, a smile as radiant as his own dawned on her worn face. "It's not your fault."
He knew it was not. But he knew it was not hers either. They would have thought that she had her own fair share of troubles and turmoil with what she had experienced in her life, but apparently, that was not the case. Apparently, he remembered her mentioning with a slight laugh, she must have gotten other people's shares as well.
"It's not your fault, JaeJoong. You can't do anything even if you know it's coming," she said at one point of time in his life. "It's an old woman's disease."
"But-"
"Things do happen." She cut his half-uttered protest. "But they happen for a reason. And it's up to you to see how it actually is."
He caught her smile again when he raised one eyebrow in confusion.
"You'll understand when you're in my shoes."
"Halmoni...." He whimpered, almost exasperated at her strong will. Sometimes he did not want her to be so strong, sometimes he did not want her to smile. Because it just hurt when you see someone close smiling like that when you know they are so hurting deep inside.
"Besides..." She added. "You're already helping by being here."
She gave the hand on her elbow a gentle pat, acknowledging how he was supporting her.
"Thank you."
It was way too deep for his twelve year-old mind to absorb but when given such a heart-warming smile, JaeJoong could not help but return the gesture with one as bright even if the sight of his grandmother losing her last shred of independence mauled his heart.
He took a long drag from the cigarette stick between his slender fingers. JaeJoong gave a rueful smile as he let one hand comb through his hair in a habitual gesture. He thought he had kicked the habit, but he did not, apparently. If YunHo saw him like this, he was sure his leader would frown with disapproval.
"You'll ruin your beautiful voice if you continue to smoke," he would chide softly, wrestling the cancerous stick away from him with one swift motion.
Time and time again, he would just remind the slightly younger person that KangTa had been smoking for years and he still sings like a nightingale - if not better.
JaeJoong knew, he just knew, if he said that, he would be awarded with a helpless smile which he would return with a slight chuckle.
His eyes followed the lazy trail of smoke that came out from that lighted tip. It looked purple, a little like those small flowers of lavender that he used to see in movies. The haze was heavy at its base, before dissipating into thin air as it ascended the night sky. He likened his life to it. At first it was so full and enriched with everything he wanted, everything he strived for in his existence, but it started to thin as time brushed past his shoulders. It got thinner and more translucent as he climbed higher until finally, it disappeared into nothingness, blending perfectly with the onyx black background of the night.
He thought he was already at the peak when he tore his knee ligament and could not participate in the group activities. But he was wrong. Always. Apparently even in that condition, he managed to climb even higher and chose to fall once again at this point of time.
You know how they say that if you climb higher, the harder you fall?
They are right.
To be honest, nothing could describe his feelings at the moment. Not even when he tried to put them into words. It seemed like nothing could make him feel better.
Why was his life so f*cked up?
Countless of times he wondered to himself. Other times he could not help but moan. Why could it not be him? Why must it be him? Why could it not be other people?
JaeJoong hissed when that thought crossed his mind. Almost abruptly, his fingers flexed, surprised at the notion; he almost dropped his cigarette if not for his fast reflexes.
He knew he did not mean that. No matter how hard life seemed, it always looked easier when it's about himself. Not about other people. At least, in that situation, he would know what to do. Though it seemed like nothing he did would help alleviate the pressure pressing hard on his shoulders at the moment, at least he knew he would be able to find a solution for it, sooner or later.
After all, he had gone through so much to be where he was at the moment. This is nothing compared to all those years of hardship and fights he had endured to be what he wanted to be, to be where he wanted to be.
His gaze softened; it trailed down to where his palm was resting against the wooden bench. Once again he followed the hazy remnant of smoke ascending against gravity.
He would not want ChangMin to go through whatever he was going through at the moment. Neither would he want JunSu. Though their age difference never really mattered when they were all working together as professionals, behind the stage, JaeJoong just could not help but let his brotherly instinct flourish. Although YooChun might be able to take it better, but sometimes the boy's fragility made him worry. No matter how strong they seemed, they each had their fair share of life.
He sighed.
And then there was YunHo...
A small smile lit up his expression when he thought of the other boy. The only thing that entered his mind whenever he thought of his leader was only of fondness. He never realised when he started feeling like that, but he never wanted to explicate it either. He knew it happened, and he was content with just letting things float like it is now.
He did not dare to confront it, he must admit. Over the years where he walked this path, he had grown dependent on that charming persona. Not until the extent where he could not live without the other, but close. He never came to a truce about how he felt towards this particular team member, not even to himself. He did not want to even risk jeopardising it. He would rather leave it like it is, having YunHo as a friend, a really good friend, rather than anything else. It did not matter how he live, how he actually feel deep down as long as they are there, as long as he is there.
He knew he leaned too far this time, much further than he should allow himself to, but sometimes, things just happen.
Yes. Things do happen.
Like how he was caught drunk-driving.
He cursed softly when darkened flakes of ashes from his cigarette burnt his fingertips. Heaving a deep, almost resigned sigh, JaeJoong extinguished his lighted stick and rested his throbbing head against the back of his palm.
He should not have driven that night. He should have waited for a few more hours. He should have known better. He should know how long it would take for the alcohol in his body to be metabolised. He did not drink much that night, which made the situation even sadder than it already was. If he was more careful, the group would not have to suffer like this - and they could just concentrate on the upcoming tour. If only...
There are so many "if only"s in this life he would need more than two lifetimes to reverse time and make everything right again.
After the ordeal was made public and he was given notice of his suspension, he took a deliberate flight away from his four closest friends. All he felt was guilt and remorse, and how he had let them down time and time again. It was guilt, shame and embarrassment all tangled together in a blurred fusion. None of them blamed him for it, but he knew himself better. After that incident, he lost all courage to face them. He felt like he had let them down one too many times. Especially at this point of time.
He felt he needed the space, so he left, without a word.
For the umpteenth time that night, JaeJoong felt his handphone vibrating within the recesses of his pocket, breaking his thoughts into fragmented pieces he was too lazy to pick up and mend. He resisted for a few moments, before releasing a defeated huff and fished the sleek, black device from his jacket.
Incoming Call: YunHo
His fingers trembled, the slight tremor evident in his hand. He gave his phone one long look, his tongue toyed with the dry surface of his lips, before putting it back in his pocket, switching it off.
He's not ready. Not yet.
It was not that he did not trust them. He knew they were worried for him; he knew they would not blame him, but when friendship came face to face with such turbulence, his confidence shook. Not his faith towards their friendship, but his belief in himself.
It's tiring, he thought to himself. Having to question himself again and again, having to doubt everything, having to live life like this.
Somehow, at the moment, he wished there was someone he could count on, someone that he knew would not judge him but love him just for who he was, who he is, and who he will be. He was not being greedy. He did not wish for someone who would share his burden, to share his agony. All he wanted was that someone to understand him, to be there for him when the world had turned its back on him. All he wanted was... for him to believe in it, to believe that that someone existed, to convince himself that there is such a person in his life.
Sitting alone on that wooden bench by the lake, JaeJoong wrapped his coat closer, embracing himself tighter. He let his head rest on the hard surface as he locked his gaze on one random star that seemed to twinkle too brightly against the dark backdrop.
He did not know why he was there, he did not know what he was searching for, but he felt the need to be alone, to think. His grandmother's words a couple of years back came floating back to him, forcing a frown to arise on his well-sculpted face.
"Things do happen. But they happen for a reason. And it's up to you to see how it actually is. You'll understand when you're in my shoes."
He likened his situation to hers, but still, he could not understand.
As he breathed another deep sigh, as he let his thoughts board another train departing to nowhere, as he watched that lone star twinkle in the midnight sky, he thought he saw a faint shadow of a familiar face, with a familiar smile. Unknown even to himself, a wistful look glazed over his chiselled features.
It was not until a few hours later when he decided to return. With one last check of his handphone (14 missed calls, 56 text messages received), JaeJoong treaded home.
The first thing that caught his attention when he entered their shared apartment was the television. It was still on, despite the dark surrounding, showing a repeat broadcast of some show. After he turned it off he caught sight of a darkened bundle of something, or someone, slumped across the white sofa. He hid a small smile when he recognised that distinct print on the blanket covering the sleeping figure. Tiptoeing closer, careful to keep himself silent, JaeJoong crossed the short distance and crouched so he was face-level with the sleeping figure.
When he was about to adjust the blanket, he noticed another black device, similar to his own, nestled safely within one grasp, against that broad chest. JaeJoong shook his head, letting loose strands of his black hair cover his face from the gentle motion. A slight sign of mirth tinted his worn face. He found the culprit who flooded his phone inbox.
He wanted to apologise. He needed to apologise. For everything he did. But as he let his gaze stray, words caught in his throat, refusing to leave his lips.
A strange expression crossed his face as he let his hand brush those dark brown bangs out from his forehead. His fingers travelled further, combing through the soft mass of dark melanin. His thoughts raced; everything was in a tangled mess in his brain. The single thing he could focus on was how tired the other person looked even in his sleep. And how his heart twisted at the sight.
"I'm sorry..." His whisper slipped; startling himself, rousing the other.
He felt him stir from the gentle intrusion on his hair and JaeJoong quickly withdrew his hand. Twin pools of dark chocolate cracked open as one hand shot up to rub them.
"JaeJoongie?" Came the slurred speech, evidence that he was not fully awake yet.
"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," JaeJoong smiled in response, a wan smile persisted on his face. He knew no matter how tired he seemed, the others were as worn out as he was.
"Sleeping Beauty?" A bewildered shake of brown head elicited a chime-like chuckle from JaeJoong.
"Go back to your room, YunHo. You'll fall sick if you sleep outside like this," the older of the two insisted as he watched his leader shoot up to a sitting position at the unaccustomed nickname. When JaeJoong felt the obtuse angle of elevation was straining his neck, he crawled up and took his seat beside an eye-rubbing YunHo.
Perhaps it was just a second of misdemeanour, a fraction of unguarded posture, but for a moment when he had his eyes planted on his best friend, JaeJoong felt something tug hard at the back of his mind.
"JaeJoong-ah."
JaeJoong looked up at his name.
"Are you alright?"
A leader he is, JaeJoong thought as he gave his companion an affirmed nod.
"What?" JaeJoong finally asked, running a wary hand through his hair when YunHo kept his gaze on JaeJoong for a time span longer than what he deemed comfortable. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
The indecipherable expression on YunHo's face dissolved, only to be replaced by a goofy smile that was distinct of Dong Bang's leader. JaeJoong caught the slightly beckoning gesture of his hand and raised one suspicious eyebrow. When he noticed that his main vocal made no attempt to move, YunHo scooted closer, closing whatever small gap between them.
"W-what?" JaeJoong repeated, his anxiety grew, butterflies began to fly at the pit on his stomach, his defences once again erecting protective walls around himself.
YunHo put one hand behind JaeJoong's neck and gently pulled the other boy closer in a loose embrace. He guided the other and let JaeJoong rest his chin on his shoulder.
"YunHo-yah..."
A surprised statement.
"Go on." JaeJoong heard that soothing bass voice waft from the back of his head; his tone was so warm it felt like he cooed. "Just cry if you want to."
At the cue, JaeJoong felt his eyes mist and his heart twist from the overwhelming upsurge of emotions. He bit his lower lip, not wanting to let his tears fall. Subconsciously, he tightened his embrace. He stayed like that, immobile; nothing came out of his lips, nothing came out from his eyes.
"I'm here, JaeJoong-ah... Everything will be alright. I promise."
JaeJoong let his fingers intertwine against YunHo's back as he dipped his head, pressing his forehead against his broad shoulder blade. A few seconds later, after a deep, long sigh, his form began to shake, albeit slightly, as he finally let his barrier dissolve and he succumbed to the comfort that he had been searching for all these while.
JaeJoong did not comprehend what his grandmother meant when she said those words to him back at the hospital. Almost eight years down the road, he still was not on a full realisation, but at least, it seemed like he was starting to see something out of it.
All along, he was searching for someone who would understand him even if he didn't say anything. He thought there was none, he thought he did not. But he did...
He does. Always.
It was not until then that he realised how much they could brave. As long as they have each other, it would be alright.
He has that someone after all.
- end -
A/N: Didn't realise it went on this long. ><; Had wanted to revamp this a little, but I thought I'd leave it like it is. ^^ Thanks for reading~!
(edit @ 060716:
Thank you! ^^)