giant gay-repellent umbrella
re-posting from liquidwoman
A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch
On another note...
I don't know what happened to me. Do I truly base myself so much on other people that when they falter and when they lose themselves, I am thrown so far out of whack that I regress to my behavior from before I ever met them? This week has been so... so weird. I'm not even making a Daughters of the Moon post because, as spiritual and renewing as the experience was, everything was tainted within hours of my return home. Can't I leave town for four days and not have to worry about what's going to be on facebook when I get home, embarrassing and unnerving me to the point of a total emotional breakdown? I feel like this ring on my finger means I shouldn't have to ask all the time, "are you sure about this... about us?" especially when the answer is always yes. But I have never felt so faith-shaken or so insecure. I know what I want. I am 100% sure that I know the person I want to spend forever with, and that's why I wear it... That's why I took it back just a day and a half after removing it. Shouldn't I have security then? Why do I feel like--while I am in the right--I am walking on eggshells? Maybe it's the fact that everything else in my life feels like it's falling apart...
This dog is destroying everything I own and terrorizing my life. He makes me not want to be home, ever. We could have taken care of him together, but I, a) was not cut out to be a caretaker for a dog, especially when I've never had one before and he's not house-broken, and b) just can't do this on my own, even for the few weeks that you'll be gone. He's chewed through too many important cords, too many movie boxes, too many shoes, he's peed on too many surfaces and interrupted too much sex in the past few weeks. I can't handle this on my own. He misses his other mommy too much and the only thing I think could fix him at this point is going back to the way things were when we got him--perfect. But it will be another few weeks probably before that happens. And I can't do it.
I'm broke as fuck. My debit card got declined on Sunday night and since then I have had to dig in couch cushions for $1.10 to ride the bus. I was too sick to work on Tuesday and my next scheduled day is Friday. My credit card is $200 over the limit and my payments on it are over two months past due. Kohls has been calling me for my past due payment every eight minutes for hours a day for a week or two now. I calculated almost $700 in bills that I need to pay by next Wednesday, and then I remembered Sun Loan. Great. My mother, who is broke and bankrupt, is probably the most generous woman I know, as she's sending my $300 tomorrow to pay my credit card bills and told me that she will help me in any way she can until my lease is up.
I am quite possibly losing my job, and it's a load of bullshit. Also, my fiancee's hours have been cut and she may not even be able to work much longer anyway. I'm seriously considering stooping to IHOP. I hear I'll hate every second of it, but you know what? I hate every second of Waffle House, too, and at IHOP, I would actually be making money.
My body hates me. I don't know why, but my stomach has been rejecting literally everything I put into it for days now. Every time I eat anything at all, it alll comes back up within a few hours.
Well, Leah is picking me up to take me swimming now, so I'm going to stop ranting about how miserable I am and go have fun. Bye, y'all.
A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch
On another note...
I don't know what happened to me. Do I truly base myself so much on other people that when they falter and when they lose themselves, I am thrown so far out of whack that I regress to my behavior from before I ever met them? This week has been so... so weird. I'm not even making a Daughters of the Moon post because, as spiritual and renewing as the experience was, everything was tainted within hours of my return home. Can't I leave town for four days and not have to worry about what's going to be on facebook when I get home, embarrassing and unnerving me to the point of a total emotional breakdown? I feel like this ring on my finger means I shouldn't have to ask all the time, "are you sure about this... about us?" especially when the answer is always yes. But I have never felt so faith-shaken or so insecure. I know what I want. I am 100% sure that I know the person I want to spend forever with, and that's why I wear it... That's why I took it back just a day and a half after removing it. Shouldn't I have security then? Why do I feel like--while I am in the right--I am walking on eggshells? Maybe it's the fact that everything else in my life feels like it's falling apart...
This dog is destroying everything I own and terrorizing my life. He makes me not want to be home, ever. We could have taken care of him together, but I, a) was not cut out to be a caretaker for a dog, especially when I've never had one before and he's not house-broken, and b) just can't do this on my own, even for the few weeks that you'll be gone. He's chewed through too many important cords, too many movie boxes, too many shoes, he's peed on too many surfaces and interrupted too much sex in the past few weeks. I can't handle this on my own. He misses his other mommy too much and the only thing I think could fix him at this point is going back to the way things were when we got him--perfect. But it will be another few weeks probably before that happens. And I can't do it.
I'm broke as fuck. My debit card got declined on Sunday night and since then I have had to dig in couch cushions for $1.10 to ride the bus. I was too sick to work on Tuesday and my next scheduled day is Friday. My credit card is $200 over the limit and my payments on it are over two months past due. Kohls has been calling me for my past due payment every eight minutes for hours a day for a week or two now. I calculated almost $700 in bills that I need to pay by next Wednesday, and then I remembered Sun Loan. Great. My mother, who is broke and bankrupt, is probably the most generous woman I know, as she's sending my $300 tomorrow to pay my credit card bills and told me that she will help me in any way she can until my lease is up.
I am quite possibly losing my job, and it's a load of bullshit. Also, my fiancee's hours have been cut and she may not even be able to work much longer anyway. I'm seriously considering stooping to IHOP. I hear I'll hate every second of it, but you know what? I hate every second of Waffle House, too, and at IHOP, I would actually be making money.
My body hates me. I don't know why, but my stomach has been rejecting literally everything I put into it for days now. Every time I eat anything at all, it alll comes back up within a few hours.
Well, Leah is picking me up to take me swimming now, so I'm going to stop ranting about how miserable I am and go have fun. Bye, y'all.