my pint up emotions all are coming out
life really just blows. i call people to see if we can do something tonight, but absolutley everyone that i call is occupied in some form already. it is times like these, that i really wish i was able to just go out an drink.
friendships to me, seem to be one sided efforts in my life. friendships thrive it seems when i put effort into them, but it seems that whenever i kinda lay back and don't put as much effort into a friendship, that is when i realize i was the only one puttting effort into the friendship in the first place. my entire life has been an example of this. i have always gone out of my way to be friends to others, and then in turn i get walked on by my "friends".
i now have a new set of goals in my life.
1.) go back and get college degree
2.) get the hell out of this valley
3.) start a new life somewhere else.
tomorrow, i am not going to go to my ussual mundane church. i am going to go to dereks church. why? because i can. on tuesday i went to dereks high school group, and was blown away by it. i instantly saw that i wanted to be apart of it, but i don't want to just invite myself in. i know that i am incredibly bitter with my church, just because i think i see soooo much potential, and i see the "staff" screwing everything up. i see the church has become comfortably numb in its outreach aspects, meaning that there are none whatsoever.
when i went over to dereks curch on tuesday, i was pissd off to hear that basically i am not allowed to go to other churches. here is the story.
ON tueday i called derek to ask if i could just come to his group and hang for the evening.he said that it wasn't a problem, and said i could. so i went up to my church grabbed my guitar amp so i could play my guitar at my house, and proceeded to got to dereks group. apparently kathy saw me taking my amp out and nathan saw me pick up derek, and the 2 of them asertained i was going to play worship at dereks.
someone then called todd, to let him know that "i was doing worship at dereks church" ( which i wasn't) and he proceeded to ask derek if he was trying to "steal me from their church" derek obviously said no.
what really pissed me off is the fact that they think they own me and they think they are entitled to keep me at theyr church. what i really feel is i was given the gift of guitar to reach others through it. i feel i have been called to work with the high school aged groups, and do that through my guitar. i am angered at the fact they think that because i have been playing at their church for the past 2-3 years that i am "theirs" and nobody elses.
i lost my train of though i guess i will finish later.
friendships to me, seem to be one sided efforts in my life. friendships thrive it seems when i put effort into them, but it seems that whenever i kinda lay back and don't put as much effort into a friendship, that is when i realize i was the only one puttting effort into the friendship in the first place. my entire life has been an example of this. i have always gone out of my way to be friends to others, and then in turn i get walked on by my "friends".
i now have a new set of goals in my life.
1.) go back and get college degree
2.) get the hell out of this valley
3.) start a new life somewhere else.
tomorrow, i am not going to go to my ussual mundane church. i am going to go to dereks church. why? because i can. on tuesday i went to dereks high school group, and was blown away by it. i instantly saw that i wanted to be apart of it, but i don't want to just invite myself in. i know that i am incredibly bitter with my church, just because i think i see soooo much potential, and i see the "staff" screwing everything up. i see the church has become comfortably numb in its outreach aspects, meaning that there are none whatsoever.
when i went over to dereks curch on tuesday, i was pissd off to hear that basically i am not allowed to go to other churches. here is the story.
ON tueday i called derek to ask if i could just come to his group and hang for the evening.he said that it wasn't a problem, and said i could. so i went up to my church grabbed my guitar amp so i could play my guitar at my house, and proceeded to got to dereks group. apparently kathy saw me taking my amp out and nathan saw me pick up derek, and the 2 of them asertained i was going to play worship at dereks.
someone then called todd, to let him know that "i was doing worship at dereks church" ( which i wasn't) and he proceeded to ask derek if he was trying to "steal me from their church" derek obviously said no.
what really pissed me off is the fact that they think they own me and they think they are entitled to keep me at theyr church. what i really feel is i was given the gift of guitar to reach others through it. i feel i have been called to work with the high school aged groups, and do that through my guitar. i am angered at the fact they think that because i have been playing at their church for the past 2-3 years that i am "theirs" and nobody elses.
i lost my train of though i guess i will finish later.