Lost
So I'm pretty sure I've just lost the best thing to ever happen to me... EVER. I screwed up again and I cant take it back. This time it hurt and I didn't mean it to. I waited too long to say how I felt. I just wanted it to hurt less, but waiting it made it hurt more.
I'm still not sure what I've done exactly and how what I've done will affect what we've got. I just want to take it all back. To start back over and make different decisions. I hate that I ALWAYS do this. This time is the worst.
This is the first time in a long time I've felt so bad about hurting someone, mind you I don't hurt people on purpose... nevermind.
I just want to eat my mashed potatoes and feel fat and make myself feel worse than I already do about my body image.... FUCK!
I ALWAYS FUCK SHIT UP!!
So theres nothing I can do except rant, and the person I want to talk to baout it is the one I just fucking hurt! Why do I always mess up what I've got good going for me? Can you tell me that? I'm gonna stop now.
You hate me for doing this don't you? I know you're reading it, just don't hate me... please...
Always fucking shit up,
Jenn