skydiving through yesterday--falling into tomorrow
wow.....3 months is a helluva long time to not post, and most of what happened in that time cannot be properly recapped in a single entry, so the ones that know me will know most of what happened, and I'll try my best to sum up--while talking backwards with peggy on IM at 3 am...... !!nuf fo stol
so I am floating in a sea of insecurity sorta.....it's been a season of redefined fairytales.....a lot of the fairytales I was banking on have fallen through, and I'm at this point left with the wondering. but the wondering isn't really a bad place to be right now. I wake up, I do my thing [which unfortunately has been not much lately], and I spend time with those that matter to me, while the various cogs and clutches of my life shudder and thud as it shifts gears....
So Azusa Pacific is gone, I missed the window to register this semester, and I got the highest paying job i've ever had. Interesting month or so, let me tell ya. Best Buy started me on Computer Sales at 9.50/hr, with stock options and a raise to probably 11.50/hr after 3 months--[Geek Squad is calling!] I have no intention of making this a career, but it's a helluva job to work through college--and it beats ....well...the ...no.....job i had before. and I have about 12 units left before I can get my AA from Cerritos and leave the world of GEs behind me! --but that will suck becuase then I have to officially decide what my major will be. I'm pretty sure it's music but I dont know if I can acquire the sight reading and piano chops necessary to actually obtain a BA in Music. I also REALLY wanna take the Guitar Craft Academy course at Musicians Institute. It teaches you how to take a log and turn it into a guitar, which is something that has always fascinated me. Not to mention THAT would be a bitchin college job--design 1 good guitar for the right client and BOOM--you're making guitars for stars at 20k a pop. [of course that's the pipe dream, but if you always rule out the pipe dreams, that's all they'll ever be...]
and I am seeeeeriously considering seminary [something I never really 'saw' myself doing]. Probably not as an Elder [full fledged pastor person] but as a Deacon [specialized ministry--music minister, youth director, that sorta thing. I have always had a calling to make music for God, but never knew exactly how that would come about. so I'm once again, floating in the sea of not knowing. But at 18, once again, that's ok.
my truck's broken, I've sorta fixed it, but it still needs work., my guitar rig broke down, i fixed it, i got my first Gibson [7 months on layaway, but worth every day] and I am typing this from home with my high-speed internet that i got on wednesday. 26 bucks a month for basic cable and cable internet--COMcast is cool beans.
The wind is still blowing---the one I've talked about in entries past. That wind that only taunts me at night--the playful sign of imminent change that inexplicably leaves me alone during the day...--I don't know what it is pulling me toward--I never have--but i've felt it for over a year now. Maybe it can be chalked up to an idiosyncracy, a fluke that I make too much of because of my nature, but somehow I don't think so. My spirit is made alive by that possibility of limitless things even as my normal personality has trouble adjusting to those changes. Something deep within me welcomes that breeze every night--the one that has the same draw at 105 mph in the early twilight or sitting on my porch, 6 string companion at hand and computer on my lap typing an LJ....hehehe...
For now, I revel in the unknown, I thank God for the ability to be lost in it, to enjoy being alive and being young and being free, as we all should. Right now, I'm just happy to be on the ride--unconcerned with wherever it takes me. I'm ready to loosen up and just take what comes. I feel different lately--beautifully free. Even when daylight brings responsibilities and jobs and other shackles for all of us that I am well aware of, the nighttime leaves me free.
there you have it--the main reason I stay up far past the time that moderately crazy people go to bed, which is why I have been at this LJ from 245 to now, which is about 410am.
Much love, as always, to friends that have become family--the ones that keep me sane, and the ones that keep me in-sane----my world continues to spin because of all of you.
Serve God
Love Others
Live Free
Never Die
--dave-
Indescribable
uncontainable
you placed the stars in the sky
and you know them by name
you are amazing God
Incomparable
unchangeable
You've seen the depths of my heart
AND YOU LOVE ME THE SAME
You are amazing God
You are amazing, God
--chris tomlin
so I am floating in a sea of insecurity sorta.....it's been a season of redefined fairytales.....a lot of the fairytales I was banking on have fallen through, and I'm at this point left with the wondering. but the wondering isn't really a bad place to be right now. I wake up, I do my thing [which unfortunately has been not much lately], and I spend time with those that matter to me, while the various cogs and clutches of my life shudder and thud as it shifts gears....
So Azusa Pacific is gone, I missed the window to register this semester, and I got the highest paying job i've ever had. Interesting month or so, let me tell ya. Best Buy started me on Computer Sales at 9.50/hr, with stock options and a raise to probably 11.50/hr after 3 months--[Geek Squad is calling!] I have no intention of making this a career, but it's a helluva job to work through college--and it beats ....well...the ...no.....job i had before. and I have about 12 units left before I can get my AA from Cerritos and leave the world of GEs behind me! --but that will suck becuase then I have to officially decide what my major will be. I'm pretty sure it's music but I dont know if I can acquire the sight reading and piano chops necessary to actually obtain a BA in Music. I also REALLY wanna take the Guitar Craft Academy course at Musicians Institute. It teaches you how to take a log and turn it into a guitar, which is something that has always fascinated me. Not to mention THAT would be a bitchin college job--design 1 good guitar for the right client and BOOM--you're making guitars for stars at 20k a pop. [of course that's the pipe dream, but if you always rule out the pipe dreams, that's all they'll ever be...]
and I am seeeeeriously considering seminary [something I never really 'saw' myself doing]. Probably not as an Elder [full fledged pastor person] but as a Deacon [specialized ministry--music minister, youth director, that sorta thing. I have always had a calling to make music for God, but never knew exactly how that would come about. so I'm once again, floating in the sea of not knowing. But at 18, once again, that's ok.
my truck's broken, I've sorta fixed it, but it still needs work., my guitar rig broke down, i fixed it, i got my first Gibson [7 months on layaway, but worth every day] and I am typing this from home with my high-speed internet that i got on wednesday. 26 bucks a month for basic cable and cable internet--COMcast is cool beans.
The wind is still blowing---the one I've talked about in entries past. That wind that only taunts me at night--the playful sign of imminent change that inexplicably leaves me alone during the day...--I don't know what it is pulling me toward--I never have--but i've felt it for over a year now. Maybe it can be chalked up to an idiosyncracy, a fluke that I make too much of because of my nature, but somehow I don't think so. My spirit is made alive by that possibility of limitless things even as my normal personality has trouble adjusting to those changes. Something deep within me welcomes that breeze every night--the one that has the same draw at 105 mph in the early twilight or sitting on my porch, 6 string companion at hand and computer on my lap typing an LJ....hehehe...
For now, I revel in the unknown, I thank God for the ability to be lost in it, to enjoy being alive and being young and being free, as we all should. Right now, I'm just happy to be on the ride--unconcerned with wherever it takes me. I'm ready to loosen up and just take what comes. I feel different lately--beautifully free. Even when daylight brings responsibilities and jobs and other shackles for all of us that I am well aware of, the nighttime leaves me free.
there you have it--the main reason I stay up far past the time that moderately crazy people go to bed, which is why I have been at this LJ from 245 to now, which is about 410am.
Much love, as always, to friends that have become family--the ones that keep me sane, and the ones that keep me in-sane----my world continues to spin because of all of you.
Serve God
Love Others
Live Free
Never Die
--dave-
Indescribable
uncontainable
you placed the stars in the sky
and you know them by name
you are amazing God
Incomparable
unchangeable
You've seen the depths of my heart
AND YOU LOVE ME THE SAME
You are amazing God
You are amazing, God
--chris tomlin