(no subject)
Today I was an emotional roller coaster. I have no idea why or how to explain it. I was basically working by myself all day. I went from happy, joking to pissed about work, pissed about where I am in my life, confuzed about my point of being on this world to happy again to frusturated about nothing to thinking about my future and thinking its going to be awesome. I just don't know whats with me. I am so burnt out this week. I did alot more labor work than I have be used to and my body is soooo sore. My knees my back. Tonight I watched Greys, yes I watch Greys. I cried throughout here and there for some scenes. Then all of a sudden near the end I just start with a heavier cry. Not sure why I was crying, I just was. I just remembering crying and wondering why I was crying. It felt good. Is that weird? That it felt good to cry but don't know why you were crying? Maybe I just needed a good cry. I don't know. Today with all my ups and downs, at one point I thought what if i just pack up and go, go some where and just don't tell anyone. I wasn't sure how far distance or for how long.... if it was for good or just a little time away. Just by myself, no one, and no one knows. I notice when I am down I usually buy things and it helps me feel good. But lately I have been buying thinks left and right. Do I need them? No but I do. Seriously if I would read my journals but I was an outsider reading this I would think that I am one fucked up person. But really this helps me geth through shit when I am down. I lie.... I put this big mask on and its called a smile, everything is just peachy.... but its not. So I lie.... I am fine I am happy This is great! Whatever lier! I guess we all do that! Who wants to listen to someone elses problems when we have our own to try to figure out? I don't know. .... I need to go to bed I am BURNT! Good night world