(no subject)
god, i'm trying to keep it in, but screw it, it's better out.
i am in the middle of the worst depression i have ever had before, i have no clue what's wrong with me. i feel like i can't get out of it. it's like i'm gonna be stuck here, in my own little world, slowly dying, fading away from the light. < wow, that would make a good lyric.
but like, i dunno, i'm totally lonely and lost, worse than a new puppy wandering the street for his home.
i know this is not a good way to start the new year, but i can't help it.
this day just started off bad i guess, as soon as i came here i was instantly depressed. then i made some ramen noodles that made me gag. after that i watched the rose bowl, and i felt a little better, but then we lost in the final 2 seconds from a texas field goal. i was really pissed and am still in shock. then i thought i was gonna go to laser tag with a buncha ppl and this was the smallest slightest last chance to make me happy shindig, but no, we couldn't find a ride. ahhhhh, god just hates me. it's gotta be because i'm jewish. see, that woulda made me have a big ass grin regularly. but no, i barely smirked.
i can't stand this. this is killing me from the inside. ohh, and just to tell the ppl that actually might care in the slighest way ~ no, i'm not suicidal, nor am i in an emo cutting mood. don't worry about me, i'll make it out of the darkness.
and now rachel thinks that she's making things worse and not helping anything when in reality: she's helping by just talking to me.
^^^and i just totally screwed that one up, she left because a bunch of her family just got there. lol. but yeahh.
and that's about it, i feel alot better now that i actually got it out and wrote an entry about it. so that's a positive i guess. thanks to all who helped me throughout the day, special shoutout to melissa and chelsea. and yes, you rachel, for just talking to me, don't worry if you dunno what to say.
sorry for the emoness all.
i am in the middle of the worst depression i have ever had before, i have no clue what's wrong with me. i feel like i can't get out of it. it's like i'm gonna be stuck here, in my own little world, slowly dying, fading away from the light. < wow, that would make a good lyric.
but like, i dunno, i'm totally lonely and lost, worse than a new puppy wandering the street for his home.
i know this is not a good way to start the new year, but i can't help it.
this day just started off bad i guess, as soon as i came here i was instantly depressed. then i made some ramen noodles that made me gag. after that i watched the rose bowl, and i felt a little better, but then we lost in the final 2 seconds from a texas field goal. i was really pissed and am still in shock. then i thought i was gonna go to laser tag with a buncha ppl and this was the smallest slightest last chance to make me happy shindig, but no, we couldn't find a ride. ahhhhh, god just hates me. it's gotta be because i'm jewish. see, that woulda made me have a big ass grin regularly. but no, i barely smirked.
i can't stand this. this is killing me from the inside. ohh, and just to tell the ppl that actually might care in the slighest way ~ no, i'm not suicidal, nor am i in an emo cutting mood. don't worry about me, i'll make it out of the darkness.
and now rachel thinks that she's making things worse and not helping anything when in reality: she's helping by just talking to me.
^^^and i just totally screwed that one up, she left because a bunch of her family just got there. lol. but yeahh.
and that's about it, i feel alot better now that i actually got it out and wrote an entry about it. so that's a positive i guess. thanks to all who helped me throughout the day, special shoutout to melissa and chelsea. and yes, you rachel, for just talking to me, don't worry if you dunno what to say.
sorry for the emoness all.