(no subject)
hoho. just returned from maga's.
yesterday evening and today we did NOTHING. okay, we watched dvd (last samurai again...*___* gotta love this movie!), ate, smoked (>___<°°°) and played playstation. that's it. oh, and we painted some pictures with acrylic colors (?). it was so much fun. i love how the colors melt into each other. it makes a picture look so good. i have to buy that stuff myself. i hadn't painted anything for such a long time. *o* i enjoyed it so much.
i feel good. but i also feel like i wasted oh so much time.
do you know this feeling? a few days ago meg & i talked about how people always wanna do something and can't relax and do nothing. and they always make sure that they are having fun. like when you're on holiday, you go out in the evening. or you read a book on the beach and think about how much you'll tan. but you never just sit there and relax and are happy about not having to do anything.
that's how people are.
i realized that i NEVER live the moment. i'm ALWAYS thinking about the future. about the next few hours. about tomorrow. about next week. about next month. about next year. i'm thinking and worrying and sighing about what i will have to do. but i can never really enjoy a happy moment. if i look back, i have had many fun and happy moments in my life. but...shouldn't i be happy IN these moments and not just while LOOKING BACK on these moments because they're already gone?
that's stupid.
i'm thinking and worrying way too much. i should live my happy moments. but it's so difficult not to think about the bad things (or things that i THINK will be very bad) all the time.
it's hard to be happy, isn't it? it's hard to worship your little happinesses.
meg chose her courses for college per internet today.
i thought about how the german school system sucks. i mean...she can choose any courses she wants, at any time she wants, with any teacher she wants. she can combine ALL the courses. she can do anything she wants. i'd LOVE to go to a college like that. *___*
okay, that's it for today. many things to do the next days. but i don't wanna think about it. nonono. just enjoy the moment. *___* *nod*
yesterday evening and today we did NOTHING. okay, we watched dvd (last samurai again...*___* gotta love this movie!), ate, smoked (>___<°°°) and played playstation. that's it. oh, and we painted some pictures with acrylic colors (?). it was so much fun. i love how the colors melt into each other. it makes a picture look so good. i have to buy that stuff myself. i hadn't painted anything for such a long time. *o* i enjoyed it so much.
i feel good. but i also feel like i wasted oh so much time.
do you know this feeling? a few days ago meg & i talked about how people always wanna do something and can't relax and do nothing. and they always make sure that they are having fun. like when you're on holiday, you go out in the evening. or you read a book on the beach and think about how much you'll tan. but you never just sit there and relax and are happy about not having to do anything.
that's how people are.
i realized that i NEVER live the moment. i'm ALWAYS thinking about the future. about the next few hours. about tomorrow. about next week. about next month. about next year. i'm thinking and worrying and sighing about what i will have to do. but i can never really enjoy a happy moment. if i look back, i have had many fun and happy moments in my life. but...shouldn't i be happy IN these moments and not just while LOOKING BACK on these moments because they're already gone?
that's stupid.
i'm thinking and worrying way too much. i should live my happy moments. but it's so difficult not to think about the bad things (or things that i THINK will be very bad) all the time.
it's hard to be happy, isn't it? it's hard to worship your little happinesses.
meg chose her courses for college per internet today.
i thought about how the german school system sucks. i mean...she can choose any courses she wants, at any time she wants, with any teacher she wants. she can combine ALL the courses. she can do anything she wants. i'd LOVE to go to a college like that. *___*
okay, that's it for today. many things to do the next days. but i don't wanna think about it. nonono. just enjoy the moment. *___* *nod*