(no subject)
OK, so I was just chillin when the fone rings, so answer it, and theres the awkward silence, and finally the man comes on the phone, and says: "This is Los Angeles County Police Sergeant Willis Ramsey, it is my unfortunate duty to inform you that your former 2nd Grade Paraprofessional Enlish teacher was just involved in a nasty car accident, in which an intoxicated hick learned the meaning of the word "Jihad" and decided to wage a holy war on the Palmdale Emergency Medical Center. In his short lived attempt at destroying the health-preserving facility, that does no wrong....he loaded his car with 18 pounds of C4 explosives, 6 shotgun rounds, and a small goat, and then sped quickly towards the westward most wall of the Hospital, but on the way ran into Mrs. Johanson's Ford Taurus, causing the single biggest explosion any body in these parts had ever seen before... but amazingly, Mrs. Johanson survived...without a scratch. Yet, once she stepped out of her burning cinder of a car, she was smashed into by a church bus, going approximately 7 miles an hour. as one can only imagine, her helpless body was flung into the air at hurdeling speeds of over 68 miles per hour, only to smash into an all to convieniently placed stack of rusty nails, swords, serated knives, pointy sticks, and a complete sewing kit. this of course caused SEVERAL fatal wounds. But in her dying breath she uttered your name, and something about a $1.05 debt you owe her estate for lunch she bought you on January 16th, 1994, which is the reason we're calling, after inflation, taxes, interest, and the failure to resompensate clause (stated in secion C-14.5.7 subsection 3 of the contract you signed on said date) your total is approximately $139.24. The family expets a check within 72 hours. Thank you"