change is near. change is here.
time for thoughts.
just whatever flows into my head.
i have spent all evening in my house alone. i sleep each night alone.
no. not alone
on my own.
i like the way that feels rolling off my tongue.
on my own.
a choice. statement. decision.
i am happy.
REALLY happy.
i have already learned so much about myself and what i am capable of in the last month.
not everything has been good. in fact at times i am shocked at what i am capable of.
but i am learning.
we must push ourselves.
challenge.
defy.
as long as we learn.
music is my friend.
why is it at times of heartbreak and love and crushes and changes and despair and searching it seems like every song is written just for us.
just for me.
i am so incredibly selfish.
but i've been cleaning the kitchen.
my room is a mess. my clothes are clean but not in their place. things are strewn about in my room. no one sees it. no one goes up to my triangle anymore. i don't need to hide. but the important things. the necessary things are clean. they are safe. the kitchen is spotless and disinfected regularly. the dishes are done. the bathroom is sanitized. the living room is haphazard but comfy. we sit. laugh. tell stories. observe. share.
why is it that i feel like this is a metaphor?
i don't know. weird.
i love that point with roomates where you don't need to give any back stories because they know everything that is going on. you can read out an e-mail or status or tell about a conversation or run-in and there is no context needed. they know every conversation you've already had with everyone and they can offer insight that you didnt even see yourself.
its not always the easiest of relationships. but right now its my favourite.
to tell the truth i have not been working on the book as much as i would like. i don't know. too much confusion i guess right now in my head.
i want to travel. i want to move.
in order to do this i need money.
i also want something of a more structured schedule.
also i miss kids. i still work with kids for city of burnaby but it is hard because...
1) it takes me an hour to get out there by car
2) the shifts are only 2 hours
3) they are usually one offs so I don't get to know the kids very well.
4) it tends to be running someone elses plan. i like to collect my own materials and have a wider range of possibilities in the creative programs.
5)the gas to get out there isn't worth the payment (although it does pay 18$/hour)
6)i only get 1-2 shifts a week.
i've started reading craigslist.
i have never worked in any area other than childcare. but i have worked in childcare A LOT.
i have worked for the YMCA (2 different camps, taught global education and theatre camp), the Arbutus club (private day camp), as a nanny, city of burnaby (as a playground supervisor, wading pool supervisor, program leader and youth arts mentor). i have my standard first aid, CPR-C, bronze cross, peer mediation/conflict resolution/ parent-teen mediation certificate from the Justice Institute of BC and have taken multiple workshops on many different aspects of childcare.
so i've started applying for jobs online. i applied 2 days ago for one that is more of a driver/homework helper/chaperone position than a nanny just because there are 4 active kids that are all older than 7. I just think it would be such a stimulating environment and i love being organized and busy. Plus its quite close to my house.
the nanny agency has already emailed me back asking me to fill out their particular employment application. i sent it in this morning. *cross your fingers!*
it requires a one-year minimum commitment which i thought i didn't want to do. but honestly? you don't always get the things you want. they usually take a little sweat and tough work. i want to travel and move away. but to do that i need money.
so....one step at a time. first things first.
and i want to be here when the Olympics are on next february. which is in a year anyways.
so one year commitment to vancouver.....here i come!!!
it doesn't hurt that i LOVE this city and am excited to keep exploring it. and that this job sounds perfect and just what i want to do right now.
i want people to rely on me.
just whatever flows into my head.
i have spent all evening in my house alone. i sleep each night alone.
no. not alone
on my own.
i like the way that feels rolling off my tongue.
on my own.
a choice. statement. decision.
i am happy.
REALLY happy.
i have already learned so much about myself and what i am capable of in the last month.
not everything has been good. in fact at times i am shocked at what i am capable of.
but i am learning.
we must push ourselves.
challenge.
defy.
as long as we learn.
music is my friend.
why is it at times of heartbreak and love and crushes and changes and despair and searching it seems like every song is written just for us.
just for me.
i am so incredibly selfish.
but i've been cleaning the kitchen.
my room is a mess. my clothes are clean but not in their place. things are strewn about in my room. no one sees it. no one goes up to my triangle anymore. i don't need to hide. but the important things. the necessary things are clean. they are safe. the kitchen is spotless and disinfected regularly. the dishes are done. the bathroom is sanitized. the living room is haphazard but comfy. we sit. laugh. tell stories. observe. share.
why is it that i feel like this is a metaphor?
i don't know. weird.
i love that point with roomates where you don't need to give any back stories because they know everything that is going on. you can read out an e-mail or status or tell about a conversation or run-in and there is no context needed. they know every conversation you've already had with everyone and they can offer insight that you didnt even see yourself.
its not always the easiest of relationships. but right now its my favourite.
to tell the truth i have not been working on the book as much as i would like. i don't know. too much confusion i guess right now in my head.
i want to travel. i want to move.
in order to do this i need money.
i also want something of a more structured schedule.
also i miss kids. i still work with kids for city of burnaby but it is hard because...
1) it takes me an hour to get out there by car
2) the shifts are only 2 hours
3) they are usually one offs so I don't get to know the kids very well.
4) it tends to be running someone elses plan. i like to collect my own materials and have a wider range of possibilities in the creative programs.
5)the gas to get out there isn't worth the payment (although it does pay 18$/hour)
6)i only get 1-2 shifts a week.
i've started reading craigslist.
i have never worked in any area other than childcare. but i have worked in childcare A LOT.
i have worked for the YMCA (2 different camps, taught global education and theatre camp), the Arbutus club (private day camp), as a nanny, city of burnaby (as a playground supervisor, wading pool supervisor, program leader and youth arts mentor). i have my standard first aid, CPR-C, bronze cross, peer mediation/conflict resolution/ parent-teen mediation certificate from the Justice Institute of BC and have taken multiple workshops on many different aspects of childcare.
so i've started applying for jobs online. i applied 2 days ago for one that is more of a driver/homework helper/chaperone position than a nanny just because there are 4 active kids that are all older than 7. I just think it would be such a stimulating environment and i love being organized and busy. Plus its quite close to my house.
the nanny agency has already emailed me back asking me to fill out their particular employment application. i sent it in this morning. *cross your fingers!*
it requires a one-year minimum commitment which i thought i didn't want to do. but honestly? you don't always get the things you want. they usually take a little sweat and tough work. i want to travel and move away. but to do that i need money.
so....one step at a time. first things first.
and i want to be here when the Olympics are on next february. which is in a year anyways.
so one year commitment to vancouver.....here i come!!!
it doesn't hurt that i LOVE this city and am excited to keep exploring it. and that this job sounds perfect and just what i want to do right now.
i want people to rely on me.