since this bed

[65redroses]

i always swore i would be honest
so along with throw back reminiscent photo galleries
and thank you's to the pillars by my side
a moment of what this is like
a glimmer into this new world

the pain

fighting the pain battles
trying to stay lucid
here not potential
what is when and not tomorrow?
no, it's been considered
perhaps not at all
of course its relevant
i love you
i love you
grind so hard
try to help
when's too far?
is there ever enough?

the self

since these walls
five weeks maybe
since these wheels
five months maybe
since these lungs
thirty months maybe
since this adventure
twenty-five years maybe

this is hard
i'm afraid i'm not as strong as i make myself out to be
but i'm still here
and right about now
that's strong as strong can be
i do still
love
love
love
and not just the grandiose idea of love
but the being able not to talk
just lie
and feel
and twitch
and hold tighter
and nudge

we've been denied each others company
the simple diagnosis of
strep throat
has turned us into
the medical modern day
romeo & juliet
barred from each others company
means no visits at all
and the ironic twist
of him having no voice
and me never being left alone
means phone calls are not an option either
so these tiny
soft pockets
of lounging in love
have been small comfort
to either of us
as i fight my demons

not alone

maman
je t'adore
my pain reflects
in your eyes
and it is there
where i see
how deeply it rocks
back and forth
back and forth

there is still time
where i look around
folded under one arm or another
and i feel the warmth
radiate
cover my ticking
like tinfoil
sharply crunched
over last weeks pizza
quality underneath
i promise