lost somewhere between awake and asleep

[65redroses]

it's 3:48 in the morning
i am lost
i don't belong anywhere
outside the city never sleeps
midnight movements gliding under dim orange circles like....
...my mind cannot even hold simile
metaphors lost
i'm surprised i can type
my hands shake
my body quivers
not from cold
not from hunger
not from pain

from confusion
i feel lost
wandering
i catch myself answering people out loud
oops
my friends are patient
but how balanced is the patient?
they don't laugh at me
they cuddle me up
they hug me and hold me and try to remember who i am when i can't.

but i am CONFUSED.
its all so exhausting.

i am sitting up in my pitch black room
tiny green, blue, orange, yellow lights flashing at different intervals around this space
quinn's sleeping face is ghostly lit from the monitor of my computer screen.
she is beautiful. she looks so calm.
i feel a sense of relief washing over me.
quinn is here
i am not alone
quinn is here
and when she is not here?
someone else will be here.
muddled as i am
they promised i wouldn't be alone
this makes me less scared

shadows are playing tricks on me
my stomach is flipping
nauseau creeping up my throat
spastic energy courses from my right shoulder down my leg
and then my feet are tingling
where should i go?

i'll ring the nurse (my fav)

see if she has answers
if not i'll cuddle back into quinns side
steal some of her warmth
and try to stay still till the sky melts into grey.