H is for hospital
i know i usually say no news is good news
but this time it isn't
spit it out spit it out
i'm in hospital
back in VGH again
i don't want to be here
i was so enjoying my newfound freedom
my dinners out
my adventures with my brother
rain-filled walks (or rolls rather) dressed up in gore-tex
waffles and bacon
cuddles and laughs
strange isn't it
last time i didn't want to go home
and now i don't want to be here
i guess change is the thing i don't like
i was comfortable at home
well
not lately
the reason i'm in...
nights spent coughing
endless spasms
relentless quakes
shaking my body
no rest for the weary
the taste of infection thick on my tongue
then comes the pain
white hot searing my shoulder
stabbing with every breath
referred pain from my laboured diaphragm
muscles aching
from no use to overuse
in two sleepless nights
the top of my world to the bottom
a hairline fracture balanced on 15% FEV
doesn't take much
i am so lucky though
my team is amazing
i called this morning
they could hear the pain in my voice
bypassed emerg and admitting
arrived straight to a room waiting
x-rays took less then 5 minutes
i am all tucked up
the first dose of pain meds are slowly dulling the edge
antibiotics are on the way
my list of cocktails are running thin
these bugs are relentless
pseudemonous resistent to the usual medley
we'll see what the lab can cook up for me this time
i'm sorry i didn't write earlier
please know that i am aware
sometimes its hard to find the words
sometimes the pain is too much to turn on the computer
sometimes i need the real live arms of my mother to brush away my tears more then i need to update my journal
sometimes i don't know what is happening and therefor find it difficult to tell you
this week has been difficult
trying to figure out where the line was
how much i could stand at home before i knew i needed to admit that the hospital was where i needed to be
i already miss my wall of love
these walls are stark and bare and white
i did't realize just how much love your wall gave me until i'm no longer surrounded by it
the letters are dwindling
they haven't stopped
for the last 2 weeks i have received 1-2 letters a day and they still make me so happy
i think my mom is scared for the day when no letters at all arrive
if you would like to help me build up a wall here in the hospital please oh please
send me mail! send me a postcard or letter or photo or note or drawing!
please don't send gifts. i am not in need of anything at all. i don't have room to put things and don't need anything at all except for your beautiful words and art for my wall of love. now that i am back into my forced stillness i will have time to document this wall of love from the very beginning. with my lovely brand new macbook and the wireless internet (donated by a stranger last time i was in.....to the man who gave me this wireless rogers stick, i don't think you understand how truly unbelievable that gift was. life changing! without this connection to the world I would be lost. you've saved me.) i will photo and document the growing love on my hospital wall. if you would like to send me some love for my blank canvas the address is
Eva Markvoort
217 Third Avenue
New Westminster
BC, Canada
V3L 1L9
my family will make sure the letters reach me in the hospital.
i will try my best to stay in touch more now that i am in.
but this time it isn't
spit it out spit it out
i'm in hospital
back in VGH again
i don't want to be here
i was so enjoying my newfound freedom
my dinners out
my adventures with my brother
rain-filled walks (or rolls rather) dressed up in gore-tex
waffles and bacon
cuddles and laughs
strange isn't it
last time i didn't want to go home
and now i don't want to be here
i guess change is the thing i don't like
i was comfortable at home
well
not lately
the reason i'm in...
nights spent coughing
endless spasms
relentless quakes
shaking my body
no rest for the weary
the taste of infection thick on my tongue
then comes the pain
white hot searing my shoulder
stabbing with every breath
referred pain from my laboured diaphragm
muscles aching
from no use to overuse
in two sleepless nights
the top of my world to the bottom
a hairline fracture balanced on 15% FEV
doesn't take much
i am so lucky though
my team is amazing
i called this morning
they could hear the pain in my voice
bypassed emerg and admitting
arrived straight to a room waiting
x-rays took less then 5 minutes
i am all tucked up
the first dose of pain meds are slowly dulling the edge
antibiotics are on the way
my list of cocktails are running thin
these bugs are relentless
pseudemonous resistent to the usual medley
we'll see what the lab can cook up for me this time
i'm sorry i didn't write earlier
please know that i am aware
sometimes its hard to find the words
sometimes the pain is too much to turn on the computer
sometimes i need the real live arms of my mother to brush away my tears more then i need to update my journal
sometimes i don't know what is happening and therefor find it difficult to tell you
this week has been difficult
trying to figure out where the line was
how much i could stand at home before i knew i needed to admit that the hospital was where i needed to be
i already miss my wall of love
these walls are stark and bare and white
i did't realize just how much love your wall gave me until i'm no longer surrounded by it
the letters are dwindling
they haven't stopped
for the last 2 weeks i have received 1-2 letters a day and they still make me so happy
i think my mom is scared for the day when no letters at all arrive
if you would like to help me build up a wall here in the hospital please oh please
send me mail! send me a postcard or letter or photo or note or drawing!
please don't send gifts. i am not in need of anything at all. i don't have room to put things and don't need anything at all except for your beautiful words and art for my wall of love. now that i am back into my forced stillness i will have time to document this wall of love from the very beginning. with my lovely brand new macbook and the wireless internet (donated by a stranger last time i was in.....to the man who gave me this wireless rogers stick, i don't think you understand how truly unbelievable that gift was. life changing! without this connection to the world I would be lost. you've saved me.) i will photo and document the growing love on my hospital wall. if you would like to send me some love for my blank canvas the address is
Eva Markvoort
217 Third Avenue
New Westminster
BC, Canada
V3L 1L9
my family will make sure the letters reach me in the hospital.
i will try my best to stay in touch more now that i am in.