Owning My Sexuality (It is Mine Afterall)
I own my body. I own my sexuality. That does NOT mean I'm a slut. That does NOT mean I'm whorish. That does NOT mean I cannot love or marry. It is a choice and it is seperate from my emotions until it gets used against me, thrown back in my face, or if I give you my love and emotions as well as my body. Only one person has that. But my body is still mine. Sex is only an expression of my love if I choose for it to be. Otherwise, it's an extension and expression of myself. I choose where that goes.
People seem to think that if a woman is sexually aware she must be a slut or something similar. I call bull shit. People seem to think women only sleep with someone for emotional reasons (unless she's a whore or something). I call bull shit. Most women I know call bull shit to both of those things.
Here's a quote from Eyes Wide Shut:
Alice Harford: Millions of years of evolution, right? Right? Men have to stick it in every place they can, but for women... women it is just about security and commitment and whatever the fuck else!
Dr. Bill Harford: A little oversimplified, Alice, but yes, something like that.
Alice Harford: If you men only knew.
(From Eyes Wide Shut, 1999. Directed by Stanley Kubrick. Lines Spoken by Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman).
Is this fair? Is it fair to be constantly crushed under a weight like that?
No, and I won't let it crush me. It's the 21st fucking century, I am a woman and, god forbid, I have desires-sexual ones even. I like men and women, I like multiple men and women, I like to prance around nude because it feels like me, I like to cuddle and be cuddled by other people because it feels like the most natural kind of comfort. I like my sexuality and I will not hide it.
But I also love. I love my man like no one else can understand unless they love too. I love the feel of him and I love having long night intellectual conversations with him. I love that we're going to marry and I love how we live so well together (even if we're both complaining about the messes each other leaves).
I don't want to choose between my sexuality and my love. I shouldn't have to. Most say that's like having your cake and eating it too. I insist on having ice cream as well. I can love and I can fuck. I can do them seperately and at the same time. It's incredible, cirque de soleil shit, I know but I can and so can other women.
There's not one way to love, to fuck, and to feel. There's not one kind of relationship that works.