I think I picked out most of my favorite lines already, so I'm going to mention some general things this time. We've talked about this before, the "make it funnier" rule. And in this piece particular it's amazing how seamlessly you can do that, drop little jokes and humorous asides and Piques into this subtle, sensitive take on death and anxiety and mental health, without the humor seeming out of place or the topical shift jarring.
Something I didn't think I mentioned before was how good the hints in the Sergio-Jesus relationship of... not tension exactly, but the way Jesus talks about Sergio to Manuel doesn't fall into any of the neat relationship boxes of simple attraction/jealousy/resentment/whatever and I really like that. The motif of the oranges, and overall of Sevilla/their "tierra", brought out some of the best lines in the story. Don't ever say you can't write again, okay? Or at least, when you think that, come and reread this fic.
As for the main thrust (lol) of the story... As you undoubtedly know this punches all kinds of personal buttons up and down the line for me, so this probably isn't very surprising. But it made me cry. I said all along that you could do this and that you could do it really, really well so I'm not surprised that you did but, ugh, both the subject matter and the execution was just so affecting and honest and lsjkdfjfdf I made it so far without keysmashing but can't quite get through the entire comment without it ahaha. Just, almost no one writes about the deaths or the mental struggles, much less writes about them well, and I hope when you come back and reread this in the future you'll feel as proud of this as you should. It's really, really good.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR THIS COMMENT. it makes me so happy.
I am so so relieved the humor worked, you have no idea. I was kind of leery having it in this fic, but even more leery about not having it, since I think if you're going for an honest portrayal of mental illness, you've got to insert some levity too, since it's there in life as well. also I am never above a cheap shot at a Barcelona player. OH WELL.
ddlklk also so glad that the Sergio/Jesus relationship works for you. I didn't really know how I wanted to define it when I was writing - I just sort of let it work itself out and I'm glad the complexities of it come through? also YAY you liked the Sevilla parts worked, those were my favorite to write. idk, when you're writing about "homesickness," I wanted to convey the power that a sense of place has in that? like, the way that where we're from weaves into us and our thoughts and our self-definition, so that missing home is more like constantly thinking about not just family but where you're from and the beauty of it and, idk, I probably express it better in the fic than here. basically I am obsessed with the idea of home and loving somewhere, like, a lot? WHO KNEW.
well I am glad you cried, but also sorry. XD and glad that this wasn't absurd and over the top! it was something that was important for me to write, both personally, and I think as part of footie fandom as whole - addressing those things we don't talk about as fans of the sport. thank you for reading and betaing; this would not have gotten done without you.
Something I didn't think I mentioned before was how good the hints in the Sergio-Jesus relationship of... not tension exactly, but the way Jesus talks about Sergio to Manuel doesn't fall into any of the neat relationship boxes of simple attraction/jealousy/resentment/whatever and I really like that. The motif of the oranges, and overall of Sevilla/their "tierra", brought out some of the best lines in the story. Don't ever say you can't write again, okay? Or at least, when you think that, come and reread this fic.
As for the main thrust (lol) of the story... As you undoubtedly know this punches all kinds of personal buttons up and down the line for me, so this probably isn't very surprising. But it made me cry. I said all along that you could do this and that you could do it really, really well so I'm not surprised that you did but, ugh, both the subject matter and the execution was just so affecting and honest and lsjkdfjfdf I made it so far without keysmashing but can't quite get through the entire comment without it ahaha. Just, almost no one writes about the deaths or the mental struggles, much less writes about them well, and I hope when you come back and reread this in the future you'll feel as proud of this as you should. It's really, really good.
<3
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I am so so relieved the humor worked, you have no idea. I was kind of leery having it in this fic, but even more leery about not having it, since I think if you're going for an honest portrayal of mental illness, you've got to insert some levity too, since it's there in life as well. also I am never above a cheap shot at a Barcelona player. OH WELL.
ddlklk also so glad that the Sergio/Jesus relationship works for you. I didn't really know how I wanted to define it when I was writing - I just sort of let it work itself out and I'm glad the complexities of it come through? also YAY you liked the Sevilla parts worked, those were my favorite to write. idk, when you're writing about "homesickness," I wanted to convey the power that a sense of place has in that? like, the way that where we're from weaves into us and our thoughts and our self-definition, so that missing home is more like constantly thinking about not just family but where you're from and the beauty of it and, idk, I probably express it better in the fic than here. basically I am obsessed with the idea of home and loving somewhere, like, a lot? WHO KNEW.
well I am glad you cried, but also sorry. XD and glad that this wasn't absurd and over the top! it was something that was important for me to write, both personally, and I think as part of footie fandom as whole - addressing those things we don't talk about as fans of the sport. thank you for reading and betaing; this would not have gotten done without you.
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