Never Too Late
by miss-black91
He still remembers the first time he saw Ryan. Of course he remembers; how could he not? Ryan impressed him - Ryan impressed everyone. Gary was already a part of the youth team when he saw Ryan's performance, the youth team against a bunch of the best kids of the FA's academy. And even then Gary knew that Ryan was going to go far, that the kid was really going to do it. Ryan just got the ball and damn, what he could do with it. Pure talent - and hard work.
Gary also remembers the first time he talked to Ryan. It wasn't that interesting; first day of Ryan in the locker room, a couple of “hey”s, and “I'm Gary”, “I'm Ryan”. They didn't talk much more that day. He remembers that he saw something in Ryan's eyes that changed him - even if he didn't realize it at the moment, or even if he didn't admit it to himself all of those years. He remembers the days, weeks and months that followed after the first conversation; he remembers the slow and shy way in which Ryan opened himself a space in his soul like a best friend would.
And then, David came. He also remembers that moment, of course. How he and David became best friends in a second, how nobody was able to pull them apart. Gary never noticed in that moment Ryan's eyes following him with sadness - he didn't realize how much that was hurting him. He still talked to Ryan, and he liked to talk to Ryan, but he didn't see what Ryan was feeling every time Gary went to David. Of course he didn't! He was a kid! A fucking teenager! How was he supposed to see that? David was the one who made him see it.
“This Giggs... Is he always like that?” David asked him one afternoon.
“How? He's a good mate,” Gary answered, feeling the necessity of defending his friend.
“Yeah, I know - I mean - I... I don't know how to say it. Is he always so... serious and angry?” David asked.
“Ryan is not angry,” Gary said.
“Yes, he is... I don't know, maybe something happened to him?” David suggested. He shrugged before he changed the subject.
Gary spent the next three days looking at Ryan. Studying and analyzing him. His movements, his reactions, his way of looking at people. He knew Ryan wasn't angry when they were together but he didn't know Ryan was a damn good actor. He saw much more in Ryan than Ryan wanted Gary to see. He saw the way in which Ryan looked at him when he was with David - and slowly (too damn slowly) Gary... saw. He saw what was happening there, between them.
His first kiss with Ryan was after a training session still in the youth academy. Gary spent months thinking about how to solve his situation with Ryan. He knew what the problem was; he didn't even need to ask Ryan about it. He had talked in a metaphorical way to David about it, and then David had forced him to talk to him straight: he came up to him one day and said, "I am not getting shit, mate. I don't understand a shit of what you are fucking saying." So he just asked Ryan for a short conversation, only the two of them.
They walked through the corridor until they both were sure that they were alone and Gary looked at Ryan. “I am going to do something that I think I have to do, don't ask me why and just... well, I am just going to do it okay?” and when Ryan looked confused enough he kissed him. Ryan answered back. When they pulled back, almost at the same time, they looked at each other. Something had changed inside them both - but neither of them talked about that kiss again in years.
*
Now, sitting in the stands of Old Trafford, Gary feels stupid. All those years ago, more than 15 years ago, he kissed Ryan. He had loved that man all his fucking life and he never made another move. He didn't expect Ryan to do it. There had been a silent agreement between them and Gary has respected it all those years. But he's starting to feel so tired, he's starting to think that it may be too late now, that maybe Ryan has moved on already. The match is over, and he's still there - nobody is forcing him out, and at Old Trafford he feels as if he was at home. He's at home.
“Still here?” a familiar voice asks. It's him. He shouldn't be surprised; Ryan has always seemed to know where he has been and that hasn't changed.
“Yeh,” Gary answers without looking at him. Ryan takes a seat silently by his side.
“I've been talking with a friend of ours,” Ryan tells him. Gary doesn't understand what Ryan is trying to tell him.
“Who?” Gary asks, curious.
“Becks,” Ryan answers. “Do you know what he said to me? He was pretty serious...”
“No,” Gary answers starting to feel nervous. He doesn't know where Ryan is going with this and he doesn't feel comfortable not knowing.
“That we are stupid... Do you remember that day?” Ryan asks, looking at the pitch. “The day in which you came and you said to me that there was something that you needed to do.”
Gary doesn't answer for a while. He doesn't know what does Ryan want anyway. They had an agreement. “Yeah?”
“Maybe I was stupid enough not to see that there was something that I should have done too,” Ryan says and he looks into Gary's eyes. “I don't know if it's too late to do it now.”
Is it too late?
“I don't know if it's too late,” Ryan keeps talking, “but I know something... I have been silent all my life, Gary. I thought that I had lost all my chances when I saw Becks and you and I didn't fight. I didn't fight before at all. And I didn't do anything when you kissed me. I am thinking... Maybe it's time I do something.”
It's slow. Ryan stands up and asks for Gary to follow him in a whisper. They both walk until they get to a silent dark corridor - where they know that they won't be seen - and Ryan takes his neck, he strokes it lightly, he looks at it. Then he leans over Gary's lips and kisses him, slowly. Gary answers the kiss - it's soft. It's passionate. It's wet and it's dry. It's everything and they can't control it. Ryan pulls back.
“Was it too late?”
“It's never too late," Gary answers, kissing him again, hungrily this time.
He still remembers the first time he saw Ryan. Of course he remembers; how could he not? Ryan impressed him - Ryan impressed everyone. Gary was already a part of the youth team when he saw Ryan's performance, the youth team against a bunch of the best kids of the FA's academy. And even then Gary knew that Ryan was going to go far, that the kid was really going to do it. Ryan just got the ball and damn, what he could do with it. Pure talent - and hard work.
Gary also remembers the first time he talked to Ryan. It wasn't that interesting; first day of Ryan in the locker room, a couple of “hey”s, and “I'm Gary”, “I'm Ryan”. They didn't talk much more that day. He remembers that he saw something in Ryan's eyes that changed him - even if he didn't realize it at the moment, or even if he didn't admit it to himself all of those years. He remembers the days, weeks and months that followed after the first conversation; he remembers the slow and shy way in which Ryan opened himself a space in his soul like a best friend would.
And then, David came. He also remembers that moment, of course. How he and David became best friends in a second, how nobody was able to pull them apart. Gary never noticed in that moment Ryan's eyes following him with sadness - he didn't realize how much that was hurting him. He still talked to Ryan, and he liked to talk to Ryan, but he didn't see what Ryan was feeling every time Gary went to David. Of course he didn't! He was a kid! A fucking teenager! How was he supposed to see that? David was the one who made him see it.
“This Giggs... Is he always like that?” David asked him one afternoon.
“How? He's a good mate,” Gary answered, feeling the necessity of defending his friend.
“Yeah, I know - I mean - I... I don't know how to say it. Is he always so... serious and angry?” David asked.
“Ryan is not angry,” Gary said.
“Yes, he is... I don't know, maybe something happened to him?” David suggested. He shrugged before he changed the subject.
Gary spent the next three days looking at Ryan. Studying and analyzing him. His movements, his reactions, his way of looking at people. He knew Ryan wasn't angry when they were together but he didn't know Ryan was a damn good actor. He saw much more in Ryan than Ryan wanted Gary to see. He saw the way in which Ryan looked at him when he was with David - and slowly (too damn slowly) Gary... saw. He saw what was happening there, between them.
His first kiss with Ryan was after a training session still in the youth academy. Gary spent months thinking about how to solve his situation with Ryan. He knew what the problem was; he didn't even need to ask Ryan about it. He had talked in a metaphorical way to David about it, and then David had forced him to talk to him straight: he came up to him one day and said, "I am not getting shit, mate. I don't understand a shit of what you are fucking saying." So he just asked Ryan for a short conversation, only the two of them.
They walked through the corridor until they both were sure that they were alone and Gary looked at Ryan. “I am going to do something that I think I have to do, don't ask me why and just... well, I am just going to do it okay?” and when Ryan looked confused enough he kissed him. Ryan answered back. When they pulled back, almost at the same time, they looked at each other. Something had changed inside them both - but neither of them talked about that kiss again in years.
*
Now, sitting in the stands of Old Trafford, Gary feels stupid. All those years ago, more than 15 years ago, he kissed Ryan. He had loved that man all his fucking life and he never made another move. He didn't expect Ryan to do it. There had been a silent agreement between them and Gary has respected it all those years. But he's starting to feel so tired, he's starting to think that it may be too late now, that maybe Ryan has moved on already. The match is over, and he's still there - nobody is forcing him out, and at Old Trafford he feels as if he was at home. He's at home.
“Still here?” a familiar voice asks. It's him. He shouldn't be surprised; Ryan has always seemed to know where he has been and that hasn't changed.
“Yeh,” Gary answers without looking at him. Ryan takes a seat silently by his side.
“I've been talking with a friend of ours,” Ryan tells him. Gary doesn't understand what Ryan is trying to tell him.
“Who?” Gary asks, curious.
“Becks,” Ryan answers. “Do you know what he said to me? He was pretty serious...”
“No,” Gary answers starting to feel nervous. He doesn't know where Ryan is going with this and he doesn't feel comfortable not knowing.
“That we are stupid... Do you remember that day?” Ryan asks, looking at the pitch. “The day in which you came and you said to me that there was something that you needed to do.”
Gary doesn't answer for a while. He doesn't know what does Ryan want anyway. They had an agreement. “Yeah?”
“Maybe I was stupid enough not to see that there was something that I should have done too,” Ryan says and he looks into Gary's eyes. “I don't know if it's too late to do it now.”
Is it too late?
“I don't know if it's too late,” Ryan keeps talking, “but I know something... I have been silent all my life, Gary. I thought that I had lost all my chances when I saw Becks and you and I didn't fight. I didn't fight before at all. And I didn't do anything when you kissed me. I am thinking... Maybe it's time I do something.”
It's slow. Ryan stands up and asks for Gary to follow him in a whisper. They both walk until they get to a silent dark corridor - where they know that they won't be seen - and Ryan takes his neck, he strokes it lightly, he looks at it. Then he leans over Gary's lips and kisses him, slowly. Gary answers the kiss - it's soft. It's passionate. It's wet and it's dry. It's everything and they can't control it. Ryan pulls back.
“Was it too late?”
“It's never too late," Gary answers, kissing him again, hungrily this time.