Walk with the stars. Dance among rainbows.
Well, I did it... almost. I've spent the past week or so drifting between sullen depression and being my usual hyper and happy self. I stopped thinking about it almost immediately, though... I don't want to know which of those is the dominant one. Neither state feels right, somehow, but I'll just carry on until I work again.
My biggest issue at the moment is guilt, and it's a bastard. It doesn't work well with my No Regrets attitude, but if that guilt is correctly placed I may never get over it. I'll never know either way, because there are no answers for the questions I need to ask... or rather, there are answers, but the facts can never be known.
Over the past week, I've felt connected again. In my hour of need, more than a few friends popped up whom I hadn't heard from in a long time. A few people I never considered myself that close to have popped up, too... and, of course, those friends I get to see pretty much every day. You all know who you are, and you've all helped tremendously, just by being there to listen to (or read about) the crap that's been going on, and how I've been feeling about it. By trying to cheer me up, or calm me down, helping me to remember or forget. I can't pretend I flew in and out of depression in such a short time, but... I'm on the way up, and it's thanks to my wonderful friends. I can't properly express in words how grateful I am, or just what it means, but then everyone who came to my aid has (I'm almost 100% positive) felt the same way when others have been there for them.
I've been (supposed to be) writing up some music reviews for Gaming with Lemons, but... I dunno. It's hard work doing the Uncharted 3 soundtrack, because I haven't played the game and thus have zero context for the music. I've been having issues identifying single tracks, and in some cases I haven't even noticed when it's gone another five tracks down the list. There's no pressure from the guys on the site, no prodding or poking or asking where I'm up to, and that's great. Obviously I'm working with people who understand that sometimes it's better not to feel pressured into writing... I just wish I could get that into my *own* head. I originally started writing that particular review three, four... hell, I don't even remember how many weeks ago. I should finish it, and I want to, because there are more things I want to get done, too. I've been putting pressure on myself to get it done, despite how these days I've been rather busy. It's entirely my own fault, though... I'll just have to chill out and take an afternoon somewhere to finish it. Thursday looks like a good bet, I don't have anything else planned then.
I completely forgot to mention last time around that on the same Friday I ran out of fucks to give and pissed off to Kriss', Chrissy came home! After a final two-week stint in London, she is now back in Liverpool for good. This is very good news indeed.
My biggest issue at the moment is guilt, and it's a bastard. It doesn't work well with my No Regrets attitude, but if that guilt is correctly placed I may never get over it. I'll never know either way, because there are no answers for the questions I need to ask... or rather, there are answers, but the facts can never be known.
Over the past week, I've felt connected again. In my hour of need, more than a few friends popped up whom I hadn't heard from in a long time. A few people I never considered myself that close to have popped up, too... and, of course, those friends I get to see pretty much every day. You all know who you are, and you've all helped tremendously, just by being there to listen to (or read about) the crap that's been going on, and how I've been feeling about it. By trying to cheer me up, or calm me down, helping me to remember or forget. I can't pretend I flew in and out of depression in such a short time, but... I'm on the way up, and it's thanks to my wonderful friends. I can't properly express in words how grateful I am, or just what it means, but then everyone who came to my aid has (I'm almost 100% positive) felt the same way when others have been there for them.
I've been (supposed to be) writing up some music reviews for Gaming with Lemons, but... I dunno. It's hard work doing the Uncharted 3 soundtrack, because I haven't played the game and thus have zero context for the music. I've been having issues identifying single tracks, and in some cases I haven't even noticed when it's gone another five tracks down the list. There's no pressure from the guys on the site, no prodding or poking or asking where I'm up to, and that's great. Obviously I'm working with people who understand that sometimes it's better not to feel pressured into writing... I just wish I could get that into my *own* head. I originally started writing that particular review three, four... hell, I don't even remember how many weeks ago. I should finish it, and I want to, because there are more things I want to get done, too. I've been putting pressure on myself to get it done, despite how these days I've been rather busy. It's entirely my own fault, though... I'll just have to chill out and take an afternoon somewhere to finish it. Thursday looks like a good bet, I don't have anything else planned then.
I completely forgot to mention last time around that on the same Friday I ran out of fucks to give and pissed off to Kriss', Chrissy came home! After a final two-week stint in London, she is now back in Liverpool for good. This is very good news indeed.