(no subject)
I haven't posted an offical blog in here in a long time. I'm not one for mastabatory typing on a regular basis. I need to write out loud today though. Maybe someone reading this will be interested in what has been going on in my life recently.
My new place is a very satisfying enviroment to live in. Today I felt jaded.I discovered yesterday that I share a birthday with John Denver and Jimmy Page. an interesting revelation that brought about some big fat thoughts. Big fat thoughts about my dad and how much he controls everything around him in such a passive way. Big thoughts about my inability to control anything. One might think I was complaining.
I got really frustrated today thinking about my childhood. People affect me too much I think. Those damn bastards never even knew what hit me. Children can be so cruel. My experiences made me the one I am today. Thanks so much:)
The headspace is enjoyably passive but I think that maybe some of the things around me are turning sour. I pay too little attention to the things I value so much. Fate is a cruel master. I should like to point out that I don't believe in the traditional definition of fate. It isn't a predetermined fate. Fate are the things that have to happen. Those are the things I can see. It is the choice that makes the difference. I should write a new matrix movie:P
So I've had alot of amazing people come into my life recently. I fear the choices again. I would've been the perfect little soldier if I had the oppourtunity. All would have been out of my hands. I'd probably fuck it up with my hypersensitivity though. Court marshaled for telling the fat desk clerk that I want more fucking potatoes in my rations.
I recieved a rather unsettling comment from Kendra on my nexopia profile tonite. I wonder what was meant by that creepiness. I'll have to ask later.
It was my Mom's birthday yesterday. Well I suppose it was today but I'm caught on the witching hour again trying to decide what day it is. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM I DIDN"T FORGET.
So much to do and so little time. Where are you all tonight when I need you again. Who are you and why do I keep waiting for you.
My temple is empty except for the little me polishing the pews incessantly for a celebration that might never even happen. I thought I wasn't alone in this. Feeling like most. Ah but I suppose it doesn't matter what I think because I am only what is seen and not what is thought. I wish this could be explained less cryptically.
I have a deep fascination with Donna Haraway's, "A Cyborg Manifesto: Science, Technology, and Socialist-Feminism in the Late Twentieth Century," The only unfortunate part of the essay is it leaves me in the dust being a male. I suppose I can't ask a feminist to address my plight.
I should get a bird. I remember we used to have canaries. We had all kinds of pets when I was a kid. That is a joy I would love to have in my life again.
I sing and cry sit up till 5am listening to my songs and counting the minutes till I one day die. A fragile minded person. I wish I could lie to myself but I have too much respect for myself to do that. Would you believe my vanity is what keeps me from being happy with my daily lot in life? I certainly think so. As I read this I realize why I never talk about it. Who the fuck would listen and not want to either off me or themselves:)
Well there is Karoline. She'd listen to anything I said and maybe even understand a little.
Just gotta keep moving. Just gotta keep waiting. I know the answer is coming I can feel it.
The daily drear of this night shift is really starting to get to me. I wish I had more time. Well off to bed. If it makes you think give it a drink. and comment. Say anything just say something. Maybe add to my mythos a little.
My new place is a very satisfying enviroment to live in. Today I felt jaded.I discovered yesterday that I share a birthday with John Denver and Jimmy Page. an interesting revelation that brought about some big fat thoughts. Big fat thoughts about my dad and how much he controls everything around him in such a passive way. Big thoughts about my inability to control anything. One might think I was complaining.
I got really frustrated today thinking about my childhood. People affect me too much I think. Those damn bastards never even knew what hit me. Children can be so cruel. My experiences made me the one I am today. Thanks so much:)
The headspace is enjoyably passive but I think that maybe some of the things around me are turning sour. I pay too little attention to the things I value so much. Fate is a cruel master. I should like to point out that I don't believe in the traditional definition of fate. It isn't a predetermined fate. Fate are the things that have to happen. Those are the things I can see. It is the choice that makes the difference. I should write a new matrix movie:P
So I've had alot of amazing people come into my life recently. I fear the choices again. I would've been the perfect little soldier if I had the oppourtunity. All would have been out of my hands. I'd probably fuck it up with my hypersensitivity though. Court marshaled for telling the fat desk clerk that I want more fucking potatoes in my rations.
I recieved a rather unsettling comment from Kendra on my nexopia profile tonite. I wonder what was meant by that creepiness. I'll have to ask later.
It was my Mom's birthday yesterday. Well I suppose it was today but I'm caught on the witching hour again trying to decide what day it is. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM I DIDN"T FORGET.
So much to do and so little time. Where are you all tonight when I need you again. Who are you and why do I keep waiting for you.
My temple is empty except for the little me polishing the pews incessantly for a celebration that might never even happen. I thought I wasn't alone in this. Feeling like most. Ah but I suppose it doesn't matter what I think because I am only what is seen and not what is thought. I wish this could be explained less cryptically.
I have a deep fascination with Donna Haraway's, "A Cyborg Manifesto: Science, Technology, and Socialist-Feminism in the Late Twentieth Century," The only unfortunate part of the essay is it leaves me in the dust being a male. I suppose I can't ask a feminist to address my plight.
I should get a bird. I remember we used to have canaries. We had all kinds of pets when I was a kid. That is a joy I would love to have in my life again.
I sing and cry sit up till 5am listening to my songs and counting the minutes till I one day die. A fragile minded person. I wish I could lie to myself but I have too much respect for myself to do that. Would you believe my vanity is what keeps me from being happy with my daily lot in life? I certainly think so. As I read this I realize why I never talk about it. Who the fuck would listen and not want to either off me or themselves:)
Well there is Karoline. She'd listen to anything I said and maybe even understand a little.
Just gotta keep moving. Just gotta keep waiting. I know the answer is coming I can feel it.
The daily drear of this night shift is really starting to get to me. I wish I had more time. Well off to bed. If it makes you think give it a drink. and comment. Say anything just say something. Maybe add to my mythos a little.