Guess what? Everything is amazing.
(C/P'd from a misplaced entry for reference.)
I also haven't drawn anything in about a week. I don't know what happened to me, but I suddenly am having second thoughts about everything I ever wanted to do in my life. My mind keeps telling me that I'm shit at everything. Absolutely everything, and I can't help but listen to it. And the more I try not to look at my sketchbook, the harder it gets to pick it up. I know I should just grab it and start drawing again, but I can't help but just put it off so I don't have to look at my own work. Fuck it, I really don't know what to do with myself if I can't even scrape up the confidence to doodle.
While avoiding my drawing, I have been fairly productive with my other work, namely final projects, two of which I'm not finished (except for memorizing a monologue). Just the long directing project left. I would be so much happier if I was able to do the play from my Canadian Monologue selection instead, but no, I am unfortunately bound to something I don't really care about. I never liked The Wizard of Oz, but at least I know what I want my spin on it to be. It's going to be all about homosexuality, and I don't care what Ryan has to say about it, because I can back myself up in a dozen ways. I've also been steadily plodding my way though The Great and Secret Show. I'm starting to really dislike this book. I love Barker, but this book needs some serious trimming. It goes on for 700 pages about things that should be condensed to at least 500. There's just so much book that I'm making it a chore to finally finish it. A shame because I started to like it in the beginning, but I can't find myself liking many of his characters here. Although I have to say that the dog-fucking scene was actually pretty cool, despite how much I hate Tommy-Ray. And Jo-Beth. And Howie. The only characters I actually like are Tesla and Jaff (not the Jaffe). I can't wait to be done this book.
One; I finished that book OH MY GODS FINALLY. I am not going to read the sequel, even though there /clearly/ is a sequel. It holds no appeal for me what so ever. Time for reading better things. Better and less terribly over-written things. Hnngh.
Two; I started drawing again. Loki (believe it or not) was the one to help me get over my little block. Loki and Helena both. Either way I feel much better about myself and my drawings, even if it's a fragile little hopefulness. I'll get over it and get better. I'll do good. I wrote down the phone numbers for some tattoo shops around Home Town, and tried to get times for them, but couldn't manage to find any, so I'll have to wing it. Either way, I'm going to do what I love and nothing's going to stop me from doing what I love. Bam. Right there. You bet.
Also; drawing people who go into cafes is pretty fun. I drew a woman who came in today, and it actually went pretty well. Ugh, I'm so worn out, but I still have to memorize my monologue. I don't have to know it cold for tomorrow (hopefully).