(no subject)
It's a little disconcerting, walking through campus. I feel like everyone knows I'm a foreigner, even though they'd really have no way of knowing unless they talked to me. It feels like being a freshman all over again; not knowing where to go or what to do, where to sit, whether you should talk to the professor or not... I feel almost obligated to inform them that they have an exchange student in their class, one who for the first couple of weeks will likely look completely confused, but what purpose does it serve? But when/if they call on me and they hear me speak they'll know; so maybe I should warn them in advance.
It's just really complicated, and confusing. I'm not homesick, or depressed, just... worried. That I might not be capable of actually doing well. That I'm in over my head. I almost wish I were in France so that I'd have an excuse to be abysmally bad at their language; actually I almost think I'd be better off. But what do I know.
Hopefully one of the upcoming weekends I'll be going up to Old San Juan, which will be nice. I'd love to see as much of the country as I can. But I feel bad because I'm not gonna go there alone, or to El Yunque (the rainforest), and at the same time I feel like I have no right to request the presence of others b/c hey, they have their own lives to live, they don't need to be my tour guide (although so far two people have offered to take me places without me being like, "hey, take me!!!"). But yeah. It's like walking the fine line between wanting to be around people and not wanting to be a needy annoying person.
What I really want is to be with my doggy. I miss my doggy. I wish he were here. He's my buddy, he'd keep me company. The heat would probably annoy him, though... oh well.
I have 3 classes in a row starting in an hour... if today doesn't completely break my spirit then maybe I do have a chance.
PS - Middle-of-the-night power outages are NO FUN in the Caribbean... waking up at 4 AM to the sound of roosters while you're sweating b/c the electricity is off... not so pleasant.
But surprisingly not that bad, either.
It's just really complicated, and confusing. I'm not homesick, or depressed, just... worried. That I might not be capable of actually doing well. That I'm in over my head. I almost wish I were in France so that I'd have an excuse to be abysmally bad at their language; actually I almost think I'd be better off. But what do I know.
Hopefully one of the upcoming weekends I'll be going up to Old San Juan, which will be nice. I'd love to see as much of the country as I can. But I feel bad because I'm not gonna go there alone, or to El Yunque (the rainforest), and at the same time I feel like I have no right to request the presence of others b/c hey, they have their own lives to live, they don't need to be my tour guide (although so far two people have offered to take me places without me being like, "hey, take me!!!"). But yeah. It's like walking the fine line between wanting to be around people and not wanting to be a needy annoying person.
What I really want is to be with my doggy. I miss my doggy. I wish he were here. He's my buddy, he'd keep me company. The heat would probably annoy him, though... oh well.
I have 3 classes in a row starting in an hour... if today doesn't completely break my spirit then maybe I do have a chance.
PS - Middle-of-the-night power outages are NO FUN in the Caribbean... waking up at 4 AM to the sound of roosters while you're sweating b/c the electricity is off... not so pleasant.
But surprisingly not that bad, either.