The following is an advertisment

Feb 11, 2007 15:21

"What a wonderful night!"
You say to yourself. It's about 9am and your eyes are open and beggining to regain function. You really impressed everyone with your dancing, you can see their smiling faces spinning all around you. Who would have thought a wall-flower like you would invent a new move? Even if you did kick yourself in your own head.
Feeling a little worse for ware, time to get up for a brisk walk and orange juice fresh from the carton.
But oh dear.
Why are you in an organ booth? There's a small animal where your teeth used to be, and you only have one shoe on because you left leg is off, and it's a 6in platform in madagascan tree-boa skin.
The hostess won't take your calls, and anyway your phone has suffered a gin-related stroke and only has half a screen.
You ask a friend you find in the churchyard, but they spent the night consoling some girl on the front step.
You ask the priest, but he was just as wasted as you. The communion is gone and there is sick in the collection boxes.

Here at Legal Compulsions inc. we feel your pain.
We have teams of Socialite Super-Sleuths dedicated to finding the truth - the whole truth - about your night.
Yes, from the mysterious damp to the where-abouts of your jacket, our private detectives will piece together your every move from the first Archers to the final Aftershock. We will even find out exactly what you have drunk! What would drive a person to mix Bison Grass with Corkey's White Chocolate Vodka, Bombay Saphire and Kestrel Super? We'll find it out.

Most importantly for customer relations, all workers at Legal Complusions inc. are completely non-judgemental. They are highly experienced in the behavioural patterens of a range of drunks; many are recovered alcoholics, others have yet to recover.

So the next time you wake up next to a camel, give us at Legal Compulsions a call on 0800 *** **** and we will piece together all those deranged and tattered glimpses of the preceading trama. Remember, This morning after is the first morning after the rest of your life, and next week is a brand new event!

*new*
Rent-a-Square
A new highly affordable service from our feild workers here at Legal Compulsions lets you hire your own tee-totaler and prevent you first hand from getting yourself into a predicament in the first place. Available in a variety of ages, our proffessional socialites have the savvy on any culture you hail from.
from Goth to Toff, our thrifty Squares will blend perfectly into your evening and keep you away from electric fans and microwaves.
Rent-a-Square saves you from public humiliation whilst saving you money.

ideas, drunk

Previous post Next post
Up