The Breaking and the Fading
No one knew how to fix it; no one knew what was really wrong. They had suspicions and vague ideas, but as it was, none of them were even really close to the real problems. And nobody had the heart to tell then that they hadn’t paid enough attention to those who should’ve been held closest to them in their hearts.
Jaejoong was breaking, irreparably, right in front of their eyes and they were all helpless to stop it. They didn’t know how to keep him with them without being the final pressure that would shatter him to millions of pieces with no hope of repair.
And Junsu was fading away from them and everything else, and they didn’t know how to stop it without using force that would surely cause him to fade faster than smoke in the breeze.
~*~*~
Everything that had been real to them had turned out to be hideous lies, whispered into naïve, happy ears, anxious to believe and succeed. Anxious to become the stars that everyone said they could, should, be.
They didn’t pay enough attention to depression and listlessness that plagued the other two. They never thought to look beyond the glittering, dazzling surface they displayed for the world to see.
On stage with the spotlights gazing lovingly down at him, Jaejoong could paint the world in dazzling colors for you, could delight and enthrall you without the slightest effort. Because, after all, that’s what he could do best; captivate his audience without even knowing or trying…
And Junsu could take you to a new world all together when he stood up on the stage, no, his stage, it was always his stage when it was his turn to sing. Junsu could take and rebuild your entire universe with just a few lines from his soft but powerful voice. And he never really knew what he could do.
They never knew what they could do, how important they were, how great their talent was. They never knew because no one ever told them they mattered, that they were important to the group, that without them, there would be no DBSK.
No one gave even the smallest of praises after, despite being horribly ill, they went and preformed in the concert with so much energy and vibrancy that they seemed larger than life to those out in the crowd who only saw what they were allowed to see.
Never once did the rest of them take the time from their lives to notice that they were being fooled. Not intentionally, because Jaejoong and Junsu often remained awake at night wondering why no one seemed to notice or care that they were so obviously beginning to fade out before their eyes.
~*~*~
How does one drop a façade they never meant to have?
Alone on the balcony, unaware of the almost freezing temperatures, Jaejoong flicked his cigarette against the railing and watched, strangely detached, as the ashes broke away from the glowing end and began their downward decent and inevitable doom.
Slowly, very slowly the ashes slipped to the ground, flared brightly for the last time, and then blinked out of existence.
Eyes stinging with weakness he refused to let fall, widened and he stubbed what was left of his cigarette out on his upper arm, where the mark could be hidden, ignored then pain that blazed and then remained, and fled from the balcony and the ashes that may or may not foretell his life.
~
The air was freezing in the practice room, and yet the room’s only occupant stood in front of the open window barefoot and shirtless against the bitingly harsh winter air. Despite how cold his surroundings were, it was nothing compared to the subzero temperatures of his heart. This now lay on the floor of the room he’d fled hours before, ice incasing its shattered remains, freezing his bitterness for all of time so he could look back on it and laugh at how pathetic it was.
He didn’t have it in him to be furious with the others, he’d long ago run out of fury and was now almost numb to the pain.
Almost.
Why couldn’t they see what was wrong?
Were they pretending not to see it, but secretly laughing behind his back?
Did they really just not notice him enough to not see what was so obvious?
Did they just not care?
These thoughts plagued him as he danced; the faster, and harder he went the louder the thoughts became until they echoed so loudly in his mind that there was no room for anything else.
He danced and danced faster, harder, and longer than he ever had on his own before. Drops of sweat flew off his body falling, falling and finally meeting their end on the freezing floor, possibly foretelling the doom of others as well as their own.
For many hours he danced non-stop in the freezing temperatures with no thought of stopping; until finally his body just couldn’t take the strain anymore and he fell. Down, down he fell until his body was a crumpled heap on the floor. Where it remained until morning when the sun shone through the window and into his eyes.
The remains of his hear, frozen in ice, broke as he realized that no one had noticed he had gone and hadn’t come back.
~*~*~
As it was no one ever did notice that Jaejoong was breaking and that Junsu was fading. They didn’t care enough to notice and now it’s too late to help them, to fix them, to save them…
Jaejoong had given up on getting somebody to notice what was wrong and he just couldn’t fix himself. He had tried, and he had failed and that was that.
Without a sound and with no one to care he shattered into a million iridescent, glittering pieces that were to small to piece back together but still big enough to let those who looked know they had failed when they were needed most.
Junsu had never asked for help because he knew that no one would respond, and if he was going to fade out of their lives the he would go quietly, without a sound to alert them to how badly they had hurt him.
And so he faded into the night’s air, faster than mist on a sunny day. He never let a sound escape that would tell his should-have-been saviors that they had failed and worse than that they hadn’t tried because they hadn’t noticed.
~*~*~
And just like that, the brightest stars on the horizon just died, they didn’t even get a chance to flare brightly one last time before they went. They just ceased to exist in the world that they should have shone the brightest in.
With no one to notice and no one to care, they just couldn’t remain where they were anymore.