Chapter 7
She slowly opened the door, thankful that it didn’t squeak or do some other annoying sound that would reveal her presence in the room.
Obviously Kangin was out, possibly drinking with Heechul again, but the point was: he wasn’t here and Eeteuk needed someone.
There were tears flowing down his face and heartbreaking sounds coming in broken torrents from his lips. He was shuddering and thrashing in his bed, the covers now a tangled mess on the floor. Suddenly he shot up with a strangled scream, eyes wide and terrified.
He stumbled out of his bed and made his way to his closet.
She was slightly confused.
He opened the door and pulled out a shoebox from under a pile of socks. Opening the box he began to rummage through. That was her signal to stop him.
She walked slowly up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, noting his flinch, “What are you going to do with those, hun?”
He started and canted his head so he could look at her, the tears were still flowing.
“I-They’re for-Can’t-I…” His words came out in strangled gasps and stutters.
“What would they say if they knew about this, Teukie?” She shook her head, yet still bent down behind him and enfolded his trembling form in an embrace.
Then- he tensed…
...And pivoted, shoving her backwards as he did.
She gasped- more from shock the actual pain- as she impacted the cold hard ground. She looked up at his form. Saw the tremor wracking his body; saw his facial expression convert to rage, saw his fists clench, saw his lips purse and his eyes narrow….
“…What right do you have?.....What right do you have to come in here like you own everything?......What right do you have to try and make me feel guilty for the only thing that keeps me smiling without breaking; that keeps me from collapsing at the end of the day; that keeps me from suicide?.....What. Fucking. Right. Do you. Have?” He paused, took a deep breath and continued. “Do you know what it feels like to know you don’t do a good enough job? To look them all in the eyes and feel the shame, because you know you don’t do enough for them? Know you’re not a good enough leader for them? No, how could you?”
She flinched under his tirade, the harsh words like knives and the cursing told her how much he was hurting.
But he wasn’t done, “Do you know how hard it is to always smile and be happy? Always be the one everyone depends on? Always take care of everyone else even when you’re horribly sick? Always look out for them even at your expense? Always make sure Super Junior’s image is upheld even at the price of your feelings? Every fucking day I put this happy, cheerful, fake, mask on and nobody cares or notices. Always! I’m always the one they depend on. Do you know how hard that is? How difficult it is to maintain that weight on my shoulders and not fall? How difficult it is to do it alone?” he flicked open one of the pill bottles and dumped the contents into his palm and tilted back his head and tossed the contents of his palm into his open mouth.
She had been about to speak up when she watched, horrified, as he swallowed the handful of pills.
Her face hardened even as a strangled, whimpered, “I’m sorry,” fell from her lips and then, her fist slammed into his stomach.
His eyes bulged as he gagged and then vomited up the pills. And then his eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped forward. Pitching into her arms in a boneless heap.
It was only 4:30 in the morning and things were already going bad.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The smell of rice, eggs, and pancakes wafted through the house, waking some from slumber and motivating others to at least more from their beds to the table.
Desu was in a cat suit with her steel toed boots in front of the stove flipping pancakes and scrambling eggs with Sungmin’s bright pink apron on. Hankyung looked around the kitchen, wondering at her weaponless appearance. Ah! There they were. Behind the island was a chair with a shoulder holster and hip holster with no space for anything else it had so many weapons, and numerous leather straps with knives or ammo or something equally dangerous attached.
“Umm, Desu not to interrupt or anything, but usually I cook…”
She turned to face him; the scowl on her face had slightly less effect do the pink apron with a bunny embroidered on the breast pocket, “You want I should stop?”
He stared blankly at her, in a way that she understood meant he didn’t have a fuckin clue as to what she was saying. His Korean was getting better but the structure of that sentence was completely off.
She muttered a curse in a language he didn’t know then repeated her question to him in Mandarin.
This got her an astounded look instead of a blank one.
And then Heechul walked into the kitchen and, upon seeing Desu, he froze.
Hankyung tensed waiting for someone to start throwing things.
Desu merely turned and went back to cooking.
“Where’s Teukie, he didn’t go around to wake us up, he’s not at the table and his door’s closed?” Heechul pointedly asked Hankyung, ignoring Desu.
Hankyung was about to respond when he noticed Desu’s suddenly tense posture from the corner of his eye. He was about to comment when Heechul left to demand a hug and kiss from Kibum and then Siwon strolled in with his easy dimpled smile that always made him smile back even when he was utterly miserable and enfolded him in a warm embrace.
He allowed himself a few minutes of bliss before he dragged his mind back from wherever it had gone and back to Desu.
“So, what’s wrong with Teukie?” His eyes narrowed slightly.
“Nothing that you can help with, he just needs to sleep and he’ll be fine, I cleared all of your schedules so you have today free, just tell me if you leave okay?” With that she finished up breakfast and began setting it up on the table. But she didn’t stay she instead went back to the kitchen and stated coffee, tea and made some broth.
Once these were finished she made one cup for herself and one for Yesung, with she gave to him on the way to Eeteuk’s room with the tea and the broth for the leader.
She pushed the door open and then closed it with her foot. The room was dark and Angel-boy was asleep; sleeping almost motionless except for an occasional flutter of his fingers on the bed sheets.
She picked Heebum up off of the bed and held him in her lap, petting him lightly. “You know, sometimes, in your more playful moments, you remind me of my darling baby Lucifer. You look absolutely nothing like him, but the way you act sometimes…” She trailed off forlornly.
She didn’t want to wake Eeteuk, he looked so peaceful and he certainly needed the sleep…
She sighed, “You weren’t totally right in your little speech. I’m older than you by two and a half weeks, not that you know that, and you don’t have to bear the burden alone. I could help you if you let me…I’m here to guard and protect you; to take care of you…I don’t really have the right…”
His eye lids fluttered, he was awake but right now he was feigning sleep so she wouldn’t stop, he was curious.
“But just imagine if Kangin had been the one to find you instead of me. How do you think he’d feel about that?” Eeteuk flinched.
“Anyways, wake up,” She touched his shoulder, “You need to drink this broth and tea, it’ll help you get better.” She touched his shoulder again and he decided to stop pretending, he groaned and slowly, with her help, moved into a sitting position.
“I told them you were sick, so everyone has the day off. Do you want me to stay here and take care of you? Or do you want me to leave that to Kangin; he should be back soon…”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kangin’s head was pounding and every step he took sent a painful jolt to his clouded hung-over mind. He wanted to stop moving and curl up into a pitiful ball of misery; but he knew that Teukie was probably worried out of his mind right now and he couldn’t bear to upset the elder.
He slumped against the door and fumbled with the door knob before shoving it open with his shoulder expecting to find Eeteuk glaring at him ready to yell and punish him for doing that; instead he found the members laying in various different positions on the floor, some dozing lightly others talking and cuddling.
Eeteuk wasn’t anywhere among them.