Hikaru no Go: Silent Letters
Title Silent Letters [link to ff.net post]
Series Hikaru no Go
Characters/Pair Akira, Hikaru
Summary As the son of the Meijin, Touya Akira knew what to do for every sort of occasion, or thought he did. Set it around the time of the Samsung Cup where Kurata lost.
As the son of the Meijin, Touya Akira knew what to do for every sort of occasion, or thought he did. He'd learned since he was a young boy to do everything properly, to talk to his elders politely, to be more mature than other children his age. It didn't need much effort, coming to him so naturally in the household he'd been brought up in. But there were moments like these when all of that confidence crumbled, and as a boy of his age he didn't know what to do.
On opening his shoe locker he found a letter. These were getting more frequent as of late. Akira thought the scent of the stationery was cloying, like the silent expectations of these girls. It was worse when it came from one of his classmates or someone he knew to be a member of the go club. He didn't know how to look at them in the eye for days after. He couldn't really ask anyone for advice on this matter, except maybe Ogata-san, but Ogata-san would tease him about it during a study session, then ieveryone/i would know. For this he was alone.
The letter said today on the rooftop. Today he was to meet Shindo at his father's Go salon on the stated time. Shindo would be waiting and there was no way to inform the other boy of the sudden change in plans. He could try to call Ishikawa-san and leave a messge, but he didn't think that would help at all.
He sighed. He hated being unpunctual, but it wouldn't do to not meet her.
What bothered him most was the sense of unreality. He'd had this often enough to know what would happen. The girl would be slightly late, after desperately seeking the support of a friend nearby. There would be the casual how-do-you-dos and then the girl would look down to her feet, trying to utter the banal words of declaration he'd heard often enough, with all the variations. And after the long silence he himself would offer trite words of consolation and gentle rejection.
It was the silence that was the most uncomfortable in this situation. Long, raw silences needing to be filled by anthing at all. Akira would rather hear anything--a bomb exploding, romantic music out of nowhere, if possible the reassuring click of a go stone on the board--than to endure another of those silences.
He really didn't know if there was some set time for him before he would leave after the girl. But he always waited it out, spending a little time going through joseki to calm him.
When he finally got to the salon Ishikawa was winking and signalling to the back of the salon. Ishikawa was also one of those who seemed to like him to an inordinate degree, but at least she hadn't resorted to declaring herself. Akira tried to forget that thought, flushing. "Shindo has been waiting for a half-hour already. Where were you? I've been trying hard to stop him from grating the other people's nerves."
Shindo was late for their meeting too? "Uh, I had something to do before coming here. Sumimasen, Ishikawa-san. I hope it wasn't much trouble."
Ishikawa looked him over very closely. He tried hard to maintain his smiling composure. "Are you coming down with something? You look a little pale, Akira-kun."
"No, Ishikawa-san, I'm fine. It must be because of all the studying--"
"You're late, Touya!" Hikaru shouted from across the salon, disturbing the salon's denizens. Akira was slightly mortified at it. Before he could answer Kitajima looked up from his game.
"Oi, don't shout at Touya-sensei that way."
"Maa, don't provoke him, Kitajima-san!" Akira heard Ichikawa say as he walked to where Shindo was waiting.
There was that same concern in Shindo's eyes. Did he show his worry so easily in his face? Akira averted his eyes as he took a seat opposite the other boy.
"Sumimasen. Something unexpected came up."
"Did something happen in school, Touya? You don't look too good."
"N-nothing. And you were late too, Shindo. Ishikawa-san said you were waiting here for only half an hour." To this boy his age, Akira couldn't confide his feelings completely, in the same way he never confided to those closest and dearest to him. His parents weren't exactly...approachable when it came to thee things, though he'd told his mother a lot.
"Oh, yeah." Akira wondered why Shindo looked so uncomfortable saying that. "I had to meet someone before going here. Hey Touya?"
"What? I'll take white this time."
"Do you ever get letters from girls?" At his surprised nod Hikaru went on. "Why should I ask anymore? Of course you get letters from girls. Don't you find it so troublesome? I didn't even know her, and I had to tell her I'm sorry for not receiving her feelings."
So that was why he was late. Akira tried hard to focus on his outline, though his heart thumped in his chest. "I understand. After all, you can't force your heart to say what you can't feel."
"Hey, are you saying I don't feel sorry for those girls? I do, sorta. I know what it's like to feel that way, a little bit. Sometimes--I think that's the way--I want you to recognize me for my Go." There was heightened color on Shindo's cheeks, and he avoided Akira's gaze, embarrassed by such a confession. The hesitation, the embarrassment, everything about him now was so unlike the confident Shindo Akira knew. This was like some bizarre parody of the schoolgirl confessions he'd been receiving.
It was a confession.
Finally Akira understood now why those letters and the girls' feelings were mute. For him only one letter would've broken through. And that letter would never come to him, would never reach him.
Shindou glanced up, and surprised green eyes met determined brown. There was something in that glance that made him breathless. He was out of balance, falling with vertigo. This conversation was dangerous to his sanity, to the face he presented to the world. How could he keep everything normal, and not risk overstepping what they still can't say?
Instead he retreated from the conversation, avoiding it by playing a tsuke on Hikaru's stone. The other boy's attention diverted back to the game, he took the chance to calm down.
"Touya?" And when he looked up he knew Hikaru's mind was still on their conversation. "Do you tell them the truth? Do you try to soften the blow?" And he didn't mean the girls anymore.
"I'd rather tell the truth."
Shindo stopped. He reached out, fingers resting like gossamer over his hand for one brief flash in time.
"Maybe someday I'll tell you."
Series Hikaru no Go
Characters/Pair Akira, Hikaru
Summary As the son of the Meijin, Touya Akira knew what to do for every sort of occasion, or thought he did. Set it around the time of the Samsung Cup where Kurata lost.
As the son of the Meijin, Touya Akira knew what to do for every sort of occasion, or thought he did. He'd learned since he was a young boy to do everything properly, to talk to his elders politely, to be more mature than other children his age. It didn't need much effort, coming to him so naturally in the household he'd been brought up in. But there were moments like these when all of that confidence crumbled, and as a boy of his age he didn't know what to do.
On opening his shoe locker he found a letter. These were getting more frequent as of late. Akira thought the scent of the stationery was cloying, like the silent expectations of these girls. It was worse when it came from one of his classmates or someone he knew to be a member of the go club. He didn't know how to look at them in the eye for days after. He couldn't really ask anyone for advice on this matter, except maybe Ogata-san, but Ogata-san would tease him about it during a study session, then ieveryone/i would know. For this he was alone.
The letter said today on the rooftop. Today he was to meet Shindo at his father's Go salon on the stated time. Shindo would be waiting and there was no way to inform the other boy of the sudden change in plans. He could try to call Ishikawa-san and leave a messge, but he didn't think that would help at all.
He sighed. He hated being unpunctual, but it wouldn't do to not meet her.
What bothered him most was the sense of unreality. He'd had this often enough to know what would happen. The girl would be slightly late, after desperately seeking the support of a friend nearby. There would be the casual how-do-you-dos and then the girl would look down to her feet, trying to utter the banal words of declaration he'd heard often enough, with all the variations. And after the long silence he himself would offer trite words of consolation and gentle rejection.
It was the silence that was the most uncomfortable in this situation. Long, raw silences needing to be filled by anthing at all. Akira would rather hear anything--a bomb exploding, romantic music out of nowhere, if possible the reassuring click of a go stone on the board--than to endure another of those silences.
He really didn't know if there was some set time for him before he would leave after the girl. But he always waited it out, spending a little time going through joseki to calm him.
When he finally got to the salon Ishikawa was winking and signalling to the back of the salon. Ishikawa was also one of those who seemed to like him to an inordinate degree, but at least she hadn't resorted to declaring herself. Akira tried to forget that thought, flushing. "Shindo has been waiting for a half-hour already. Where were you? I've been trying hard to stop him from grating the other people's nerves."
Shindo was late for their meeting too? "Uh, I had something to do before coming here. Sumimasen, Ishikawa-san. I hope it wasn't much trouble."
Ishikawa looked him over very closely. He tried hard to maintain his smiling composure. "Are you coming down with something? You look a little pale, Akira-kun."
"No, Ishikawa-san, I'm fine. It must be because of all the studying--"
"You're late, Touya!" Hikaru shouted from across the salon, disturbing the salon's denizens. Akira was slightly mortified at it. Before he could answer Kitajima looked up from his game.
"Oi, don't shout at Touya-sensei that way."
"Maa, don't provoke him, Kitajima-san!" Akira heard Ichikawa say as he walked to where Shindo was waiting.
There was that same concern in Shindo's eyes. Did he show his worry so easily in his face? Akira averted his eyes as he took a seat opposite the other boy.
"Sumimasen. Something unexpected came up."
"Did something happen in school, Touya? You don't look too good."
"N-nothing. And you were late too, Shindo. Ishikawa-san said you were waiting here for only half an hour." To this boy his age, Akira couldn't confide his feelings completely, in the same way he never confided to those closest and dearest to him. His parents weren't exactly...approachable when it came to thee things, though he'd told his mother a lot.
"Oh, yeah." Akira wondered why Shindo looked so uncomfortable saying that. "I had to meet someone before going here. Hey Touya?"
"What? I'll take white this time."
"Do you ever get letters from girls?" At his surprised nod Hikaru went on. "Why should I ask anymore? Of course you get letters from girls. Don't you find it so troublesome? I didn't even know her, and I had to tell her I'm sorry for not receiving her feelings."
So that was why he was late. Akira tried hard to focus on his outline, though his heart thumped in his chest. "I understand. After all, you can't force your heart to say what you can't feel."
"Hey, are you saying I don't feel sorry for those girls? I do, sorta. I know what it's like to feel that way, a little bit. Sometimes--I think that's the way--I want you to recognize me for my Go." There was heightened color on Shindo's cheeks, and he avoided Akira's gaze, embarrassed by such a confession. The hesitation, the embarrassment, everything about him now was so unlike the confident Shindo Akira knew. This was like some bizarre parody of the schoolgirl confessions he'd been receiving.
It was a confession.
Finally Akira understood now why those letters and the girls' feelings were mute. For him only one letter would've broken through. And that letter would never come to him, would never reach him.
Shindou glanced up, and surprised green eyes met determined brown. There was something in that glance that made him breathless. He was out of balance, falling with vertigo. This conversation was dangerous to his sanity, to the face he presented to the world. How could he keep everything normal, and not risk overstepping what they still can't say?
Instead he retreated from the conversation, avoiding it by playing a tsuke on Hikaru's stone. The other boy's attention diverted back to the game, he took the chance to calm down.
"Touya?" And when he looked up he knew Hikaru's mind was still on their conversation. "Do you tell them the truth? Do you try to soften the blow?" And he didn't mean the girls anymore.
"I'd rather tell the truth."
Shindo stopped. He reached out, fingers resting like gossamer over his hand for one brief flash in time.
"Maybe someday I'll tell you."