(no subject)
i have been realizing i don't really talk about anything anymore. not just here, in general. my mind is constantly swirling with thoughts and ideas. sometimes i just sit and marvel at all life is. i lose myself in the future that is happening. so when i return, i am at a loss. i am so constantly exhausted from work, or school, or just lack of company, that the words are lost.
going back from now in one year increments things have changed so much in just the last year, and the difference in the last 5 is unbelievable. i feel like maybe i've accomplished a lot more than i thought, i've taken for granted some very important instances, but i've progressed so much. then, in some ways, haven't progressed at all. I still get drawn into cliches, i still meander into the past, i still want to tie up loose ends.
i have lost some good people along the way, or rather, we lost each other. in retrospect, a lot of times there was no fault; just the differences of individuals, and the lack of desire to accept them. bad timing, bad luck, bad decisions. blah, blah, blah. some things are becoming apparent to me, some things are seeming important. finishing the unfinished, starting the inconceivable, redefining terms. i just don't want anyone to regret having known me. consider that insecure if you like, but i think everyone would agree-even if they won't admit it.
i understand that the bad times are to teach and the good times are to remember. i understand that understanding is important. i understand that not understanding does not make me stupid. i understand that all the bitterness isn't really worth it, but i just can't help it sometimes. i understand that the world may never work in my favor. i understand that mistakes were/are/will be made. i understand that. now.
going back from now in one year increments things have changed so much in just the last year, and the difference in the last 5 is unbelievable. i feel like maybe i've accomplished a lot more than i thought, i've taken for granted some very important instances, but i've progressed so much. then, in some ways, haven't progressed at all. I still get drawn into cliches, i still meander into the past, i still want to tie up loose ends.
i have lost some good people along the way, or rather, we lost each other. in retrospect, a lot of times there was no fault; just the differences of individuals, and the lack of desire to accept them. bad timing, bad luck, bad decisions. blah, blah, blah. some things are becoming apparent to me, some things are seeming important. finishing the unfinished, starting the inconceivable, redefining terms. i just don't want anyone to regret having known me. consider that insecure if you like, but i think everyone would agree-even if they won't admit it.
i understand that the bad times are to teach and the good times are to remember. i understand that understanding is important. i understand that not understanding does not make me stupid. i understand that all the bitterness isn't really worth it, but i just can't help it sometimes. i understand that the world may never work in my favor. i understand that mistakes were/are/will be made. i understand that. now.