this is kind of a vague entry, so i'm not sure what exactly is going on. and admittedly, i don't know you personally so maybe i'm way out of line here. BUT just seems to me about every 4th or 5th entry you make is similar to this one. it's like things are good for a while, then go to crap. so maybe when you find yourself feeling this way why not trace your steps and figure out how you got here. if it's something you brought on yourself, then you gotta change your ways. if it's something someone else has done to you, maybe you need to put yourself in better company. i'm only saying this because even though i don't know you i feel bad every time i read an entry of yours in which you're obviously upset over something. you're young, you have a beautiful healthy child, you're beautiful, you seem fun, i assume you're in decent health. don't let the weights of the world get you too down. it's definitely easier said than done, but not impossible =)
i don't ever explain much on here really but last night as usual nathaniel and i got into a fight. i did dope in his bathroom, he beat me up a little, broke my phone, kicked me out of his house and i then walked for five hours to a friends house. there i said it.
is it ok for me to ask why you put yourself in a situation where so much could go wrong? and did go wrong? you've been here before obviously. you said it's "as usual" and i just can't help but wonder why you do this to yourself. i am not evolved to the point that i can shed tears for someone who would sabotage themselves like this, and i am sure you aren't asking me too, but it still breaks my heart to an extent. for you, for your son and even for nathaniel despite the fact that all i know of him is what i creepily read in your journals. haha. in any case, i'm really sorry for what happened last night, and i hope somehow things work out in a way that results in long term, sustained, genuine happiness for you all.
i do it because i love him in this sick twisted way and we both should have walked away by now but we both can't and lately it's been all my fault but last night i just don't know what happened.
how do you think all this will effect your son? i think everyone has been where you're at before. being "in love" with someone even though we know it's not real, true love. i know i have. the only difference is that i never had a kid involved. i can't imagine how tough that must make things but ultimately, it's not about you or nathaniel anymore and i think you both know that. there's a living, breathing life that depends on you so just be sure you two don't get so wrapped up in your sick twisted love that your son goes unchecked. i'm def not trying to question either of your parenting skills. just wanted to throw that out there as something to think about.
if you don't think samantha and i are really in love then you obviously don't know samantha well enough to offer any kind of advice or anything. i love samantha very much and she loves me very much too she's just so stuck on heroin and finding ways to get heroin that she's completely lost herself. cougar talks about her all the time and asks about her all the time and it breaks my fucking heart.
i love how dope is the reason for ALL YOUR PROBLEMS samantha and yet it's still what keeps causing problems. STOP FUCKING USING HEROIN, your friends are gone because of heroin, your family, your child, the father of your child as much as i dislike him (you still seem to love him and i've been there done that so i know whats it's like to love someone whose bad for you so i am even going to mention him). so just stop using heroin, and what do you think will happen, your life might actually fall back into place. but i guess you could keep using heroin and fucking up every relationship you have ever had, that's probably what you'll do and what i told you when you started using and so many other people did too but that didn't matter and you'll continue to fuck up your life til you get arrested or die cause by the way incase you forgot you choose to WASTE your TIME AND MONEY on heroin. so just stop, all your heartache, all your being sad cause all your friends hate you is because of heroin. I once knew you, before heroin and you loved your
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thank you, stephanie. we got in a fight because samantha hasn't been allowed in my house for months and my family finally gave her a chance and all my mom told me was that sam had better not do dope in my house and as soon as we got here and i passed out sam did dope in my bathroom. she also pretended she saw her son that day when she didn't and lied about a hundred other things in the course of the day at least. all these people think i'm like an evil prick when every fight sam and i has had for months has been because of sam's lying and doing dope and not seeing me or our son. you must be like the only person in the world who feels me, dude. i love you stephanie, come see us soon.
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you must be like the only person in the world who feels me, dude. i love you stephanie, come see us soon.
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