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[54m4n7ha]

i am not perfect. i used patrick to make nathaniel mad, nathaniel used kim to make me mad. it worked. i hurt partick by using him and nathaniel hurt kim by using her. i am so bored with all of this fighting and hurting and i have felt so heavy these past few days and i'm so over it. i just want to leave this city fuck all ya'll cause only fools are

Comments

[forceasmile]

my girlfriend's not addicted to heroin and none of her friends are either; they're all chasing after some glamourised idea of being fucking junkies the same way my friends did years ago and at some time or another all of them, samantha included, thought ill of me ay back when because i did heroin and they didn't. these days it seems going on and on about being depressed or about how many blunts you smoke or about how much trouble you get into simply isn't cool enough anymore so now they're all pretending to be junkies because, as they see it, that makes them hip and cool and better than everyone else. none of them are addicted, they all just want to be, and samantha was never any exception, she was just like the rest of them trying desperately to be all of that which she once proclaimed to hate because she just didn't feel cool enough.
you think i'm concerned with nothing but getting high and i'm a terrible father? i save most of the money i make, and the rest of it i've been giving to samantha's mom. i do everything i can to keep sam working on getting her shit straight. i had cougar all day friday, some of saturday, some of yesterday, and he's been here since 8:00 in the morning and he'll probably be here all day tomorrow! i don't work at a pizza place (what year is this?!) and i don't see how stripping makes samantha a bad mother. parents are allowed to cram their religion and whatnot down their kids' throats but a mother can't get naked for money? christianity's a lot closer to whoring yourself out there than stripping is so i just don't see what the big deal is.
i don't need help with drugs, but because i did get a possession charge, this month i am taking as many drug classes as charlotte-mecklenburg says i need to so is that enough help for you? i am working on all my problems, i have been nicer and more responsible, i am working on my sleep schedule, i see my son all the fucking time, why do you keep telling me i need to grow up and shit? samantha needs to work on a whole bunch of stuff but that doesn't make her a terrible person and me well i'm working on shit just fine.

[forceasmile]

samantha and i don't need to work on things. samantha needs to work on things. fuck you because unlike samantha i'm actually a good fucking human being lately.