Monkey Business
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Found a LJ entry I began earlier this year during a cognitive moment and forgot to post. It's yet another one of those strange kinds of conversations I have with my kid.
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Sometime this year, my son asked if he could bring home a capuchin monkey. Someone was trying to give one away to a good home and although he knew nothing about the little monkeys, he somehow thought it was a good idea. Needless to say, when he was younger, it was not easy keeping the boy away from salespeople peddling magic beans.
My first thought was baby capuchins are sort of cute but they don’t seem to age well.
My son said the monkey would just play during the day and cuddle next to you at night. He said he would get his friends to keep it when he was working/traveling on jobs. I asked if it was a pleasant monkey and reminded him of the chimp, Travis, who disfigured and nearly killed a woman. Matt said one of his friends had already mentioned that and wouldn’t keep the monkey. Wait, son … but it’s okay if I have to deal with a manic monkey? Thanks a lot.
My son thought the capuchin would not get to a weight of more than 7 pounds. I told him while I thought I could take a 7 pound monkey in a fight, I hope I never have to prove it. Upon research, the capuchins weigh up to 2 1/2 pounds after reaching their final weight at adulthood. My odds of winning just went up in such a monkey brawl. Although knowing my luck, it would be like a scary capuchin like Captain Barbossa’s monkey.
I asked if he knew the lifespan of the monkey. It’s now a year old but he thought it would live to be nine or so years. *buzzer for incorrect answer* I read it could be 45 years for a capuchin in captivity. I also wanted the answer to the most important question. I reminded Matt that some primates are poo slingers and I wanted to know where this monkey would do its business. At first he said it was house-trained, then went on to disclose it wears diapers. Shoot.Me.Now. I said if I had wanted to babysit and diaper a hairy ass for the next 45 years, I wouldn’t have dumped that last infantile boyfriend.
Other 24-year old males just knock a girl up and present their moms with two years of diaper duty. Not my boy … look ma, a monkey! Seriously though, it’s way too soon for him to bring home anything needing diapered.
I found this during an internet search: “Most Capuchin owners use diapers for the life of their monkey and keep them on leashes in and outside of the house. Capuchins are commonly dressed up, bottle fed, and treated as furry human babies for the 35-40 years that they live in captivity.” I just couldn’t imagine myself washing little loads of miniature monkey clothes either. You know its little vests would get lost in a regular sized dryer. The pet care sites offered advice like stimulate your monkey with plenty of toys and take your monkey out for walks using a collar or halter and leash. I guess one would need a diaper bag for such jaunts with one’s monkey.
Also notable from the internet search: “When the so-called organ-grinder monkeys reach sexual maturity around 5 years old, they can turn dangerous and destructive.” Well, that gives organ-grinder a whole new meaning. Spanking the monkey would just be counter-productive. Bad monkey would probably like it. Internet search further explains: “They are destructive. They can tear a house apart. We are talking rip the curtains down, knock everything off every shelf you have. Think about a critter who is more agile and able to reach places than a cat having a tantrum. You can't house-train them. They evolve to live in trees." Oh, Hells to the No.
I was happy to discover KY law was on my side, courtesy of Citation: 301 KY. ADMIN. REGS. 2:082. It's illegal to own monkeys in our state. The people who have the capuchin also live in Kentucky, but I won't turn them in … if they stop offering my kid MONKEYS!
~*~
Found a LJ entry I began earlier this year during a cognitive moment and forgot to post. It's yet another one of those strange kinds of conversations I have with my kid.
~*~
Sometime this year, my son asked if he could bring home a capuchin monkey. Someone was trying to give one away to a good home and although he knew nothing about the little monkeys, he somehow thought it was a good idea. Needless to say, when he was younger, it was not easy keeping the boy away from salespeople peddling magic beans.
My first thought was baby capuchins are sort of cute but they don’t seem to age well.
My son said the monkey would just play during the day and cuddle next to you at night. He said he would get his friends to keep it when he was working/traveling on jobs. I asked if it was a pleasant monkey and reminded him of the chimp, Travis, who disfigured and nearly killed a woman. Matt said one of his friends had already mentioned that and wouldn’t keep the monkey. Wait, son … but it’s okay if I have to deal with a manic monkey? Thanks a lot.
My son thought the capuchin would not get to a weight of more than 7 pounds. I told him while I thought I could take a 7 pound monkey in a fight, I hope I never have to prove it. Upon research, the capuchins weigh up to 2 1/2 pounds after reaching their final weight at adulthood. My odds of winning just went up in such a monkey brawl. Although knowing my luck, it would be like a scary capuchin like Captain Barbossa’s monkey.
I asked if he knew the lifespan of the monkey. It’s now a year old but he thought it would live to be nine or so years. *buzzer for incorrect answer* I read it could be 45 years for a capuchin in captivity. I also wanted the answer to the most important question. I reminded Matt that some primates are poo slingers and I wanted to know where this monkey would do its business. At first he said it was house-trained, then went on to disclose it wears diapers. Shoot.Me.Now. I said if I had wanted to babysit and diaper a hairy ass for the next 45 years, I wouldn’t have dumped that last infantile boyfriend.
Other 24-year old males just knock a girl up and present their moms with two years of diaper duty. Not my boy … look ma, a monkey! Seriously though, it’s way too soon for him to bring home anything needing diapered.
I found this during an internet search: “Most Capuchin owners use diapers for the life of their monkey and keep them on leashes in and outside of the house. Capuchins are commonly dressed up, bottle fed, and treated as furry human babies for the 35-40 years that they live in captivity.” I just couldn’t imagine myself washing little loads of miniature monkey clothes either. You know its little vests would get lost in a regular sized dryer. The pet care sites offered advice like stimulate your monkey with plenty of toys and take your monkey out for walks using a collar or halter and leash. I guess one would need a diaper bag for such jaunts with one’s monkey.
Also notable from the internet search: “When the so-called organ-grinder monkeys reach sexual maturity around 5 years old, they can turn dangerous and destructive.” Well, that gives organ-grinder a whole new meaning. Spanking the monkey would just be counter-productive. Bad monkey would probably like it. Internet search further explains: “They are destructive. They can tear a house apart. We are talking rip the curtains down, knock everything off every shelf you have. Think about a critter who is more agile and able to reach places than a cat having a tantrum. You can't house-train them. They evolve to live in trees." Oh, Hells to the No.
I was happy to discover KY law was on my side, courtesy of Citation: 301 KY. ADMIN. REGS. 2:082. It's illegal to own monkeys in our state. The people who have the capuchin also live in Kentucky, but I won't turn them in … if they stop offering my kid MONKEYS!
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