it's not enough to be what you wanted.

[52762]

it's amazing how you can forget someone. what's even more amazing is how something will randomly happen and this person will spring into your head and set a damn fire. i could use said person now. for a pep talk. for that reassurance that i'm good enough, that reassurance that i can do this. it's not always about knowing. sometimes just about hearing it.

"time don't go back, it go forward. can't run from the pain, go towards it.
some things can't be explained-what caused it?"

+i quit smoking for about a week.
-my job had me tearing off said nicotine patch and wanting a cigarette.
-i smoke again.
+there's a guy i'm talking to. if i don't fuck it all up or scare him away, things may actually work out.
-this is why i'm thinking of said person.
+stressful work has it's plus sides: bonfire friday. toby keith sunday.
-i think my beer tolerance has gotten out of control.
-i think i may actually be drinking too much.
+i haven't really seen any reprocussions from drinking too much.

only wish that you were here.
you know i'm seeing it so clear.
i've been afraid to tell you how i really feel-
admit to some of those bad mistakes i've made.
if you want it, come and get it.
crying out loud.
the love that i was giving you
never in doubt.
let go your heart, let go your head;
and feel it now.
babylon.