[RP Log] Ohtori & Shishido
Characters : Ohtori Choutarou & Shishido Ryou
Date : Friday 21st [BACKDATED]
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Ohtori and Shishido talk, but there’s an unwelcome guest.
As soon as Ohtori had left the hospital and arrived back at his apartment, his earlier assumptions were proven correct. Despite his sleeplessness, he was not feeling tired at all, or hungry for that matter, leaving him to pace around and worry. Useless things like that until he resigned himself to take a long, hot shower with hope that it would relax him. It did, to some degree, skin flushed and mind drowsy as he shuffled around, inevitably heading over to his apartment's phone to check his messages almost subconsciously. He was going on automatic and continued to do so as he found there were quite a few, which wasn't surprising seeing as how Ohtori had more or less disappeared off the face of the earth during his stay in the hospital with Shishido. There was also no surprise how each message was from his workplace either: the administrator, a few of his coworkers, and several messages from Muruyama demanding where he was, the prior of them being old and outdated since Ohtori had called the school yesterday, asking to use some of his sick days. His boss hadn't sounded pleased, but he allowed it. That may have been the only thing of importance since the violinist neglected to pick up the phone again, though it may also have been because he wouldn't of been able to deal with Muruyama at the moment, not with his thoughts elsewhere and his concerns centered on his boyfriend.
Moving to the main room, Ohtori sat heavily on the couch, slouching back against the cushions and zoning out on the idle violin case before him as he was finally given a solid chance to reflect. And he did so, running the whole situation and results--Shishido's injuries and both their feelings--over again and again in his mind. He was unable to speak for his lover, but he knew the roller coaster of emotions he himself felt, and was still feeling, and he also knew that there was one big question remaining that loomed over everything: what now? Ohtori worried his bottom lip as he thought this, running his tongue over the cut that had been there since he first split it while waiting outside the operating theatre. What now? How much was it going to change everything?
Everything?
He didn't realize he'd passed out on the couch--his exhaustion having finally caught up with him in one fell swoop--until he felt himself waking up again, light streaming in and warming his face. His neck and back were sore from laying on the sofa, making him frown at the displeasure, but it was the least of the concerns. Ohtori was on his feet shortly, throwing on a fresh change of clothes and making himself a quick breakfast, for it was morning, right? The next day? The violinist was unsure, having lost track of time days ago, but there was the guarantee that the doctor would let him back in now. So after inhaling his meal and grabbing his bag, he quickly made his way out of the door, finally checking his cell phone and receiving Fuji's message that had been waiting there for a while.
"Ohtori, thought you should know Shishido's alone now. - F.S."
He almost missed a step on his way down the stairs as he read this, remembering his worry as well as a bit of confusion. Something about the message was completely unsettling, unnerving even, but he refused to jump to any conclusions until he arrived at the hospital… where he discovered that instead of his daypack, he'd grabbed his violin case, something he felt incredibly embarrassed about, but with Shishido only a few corridors away, he couldn't bring himself to turn around. So he was politely knocking on the door in no time, timidly and expectantly poking his head inside the patient room. "Ryou…?"
After the initial bout of deep sleep he’d fallen into after Fuji had left the only rest Shishido had managed was fitful at best. He just couldn’t shack the words Fuji had spoken from his mind and Shishido had decided at 4am in the morning that he was defiantly going mad. Add to that the fact he had barely touched any food in the last 24 hours and yelled at the nurse when she went to open the blinds. Shishido had changed his internal plea from madness to depression. And there he was thinking only uncool emo kids did dumb stuff like that. If he’d had the strength he might have laughed.
So he just lay there staring at the wall in some kind of semi conscious state, he could hear the daily goings on outside the door but it just felt like he was a so detached from it all. Part of him kept hoping that someone was coming to visit every time a shadow passed across the small gap between door and floor. But when it didn’t open Shishido was left with an odd mixed sense of relief and disappointment. As much as he wanted to know someone was there he didn’t what to have to deal with them and their stupid questions, for as stubborn as he was it seemed his doctor was ten times more stubborn. He had left earlier promising him that they would talk later, Shishido had just said, whatever.
Shishido guessed he must have fallen into another doze when his mind was pushed back into consciousness by a soft knock. He listened for a moment wondering if it was another nurse on her rounds checking everyone’s blood pressure and temperature. But when the door was opened and he heard the familiar voice call out his name a tidal wave of thoughts and emotions seemed crash down on him leaving him temporally dazed.
“Choutarou….” His voice seemed to work on automatic as Shishido quickly tried to clear his mind and push all those unwanted thoughts and feelings back as deep as they would go.
The first thing Ohtori noticed were the closed blinds and the long shadows that strewn across the floor, he watching as the day's light vainly tried to peek in until his eyes inevitably moved over to the bed. And there they softened considerably, his shoulders sagging the slightest bit for he could not help but tense from worry, stepping fully into the room and silently closing the door behind him as he was acknowledged. He didn't know why his heart chose to beat so quickly right then. Perhaps it was from the atmosphere of the room: the dense, heavy air that seemed to crush down on it and deepen the darkness, but even so, he continued his careful steps forward. Ohtori left his case to the side and against the wall before turning to approach the bedside.
"Hey..." He almost made himself repeat the word, thinking that he may have spoken too softly, too unsure. As if it was the first time he was ever there, he barely able to push aside how the worry and his heartbeat were increasing with each step. Though all attention toward it fluttered away as soon as Ohtori was able to make out his boyfriend, eyes widening. He just couldn't fool himself into thinking he looked better, for if anything, he appeared worst, inspiring words and questions he could not begin to voice. Why had his lover been alone anyways? Fuji was his friend, so why did he leave him alone?
The violinist bit his lower lip, wincing as the healing cut protested yet again. The mark of his worry bit back and left him with a desire to reach out for Shishido, to hold him close from the realization that things wouldn't get better by default. But he froze as soon as he stopped at his bedside, fingertips brushing the ends of the sheets but straying no further. "How are you feeling, love?" Clumsy, soft, useless words that slipped from his lips before he could stop them. And all at once, being away from Shishido for 24 hours became far, far too long.
It was like watching everything in slow motion, his brain seeming to register every little movement Choutarou made, every flicker of emotion on his face. He seemed so careful, almost to the point of being unsure and it made Shishido’s gut clench with guilt. Choutarou wouldn’t hurt anyone, least of all him. So why? Why did his mind insist he believe otherwise? Fuji said he wasn’t despicable, Shishido had to disagree. He couldn’t meet those worried chocolate brown eyes when he stopped by his bedside; instead they chose to watch Choutarou’s fingers. Hadn’t they always brought him warmth and pleasure, why was the one thing he cherished more than anything becoming so tainted? God damn him!
“Odd….” Shishido finally replied, even his own voice seemed detached from him it was so flat and emotionless. He felt cold, even with a still slightly elevated temperature, he felt cold. But then it had been Choutarou who had kept the cold out of his bones these last few months, made him warm, filled his heart. Now it was like the ice had settled again and getting thicker as the hours ticked by. He was hurt and hiding and Choutarou seemed afraid to cross the boundary that had settled between them. Coward! Shishido inwardly flinched at the voice. “Wanna sit down?”
Ohtori watched his boyfriend's face, watched his eyes as they didn't lift and make his fingers twitch nervously, expectantly. Both middle and index finger of his left hand tapped the sheets as if to expel such energy, finding invisible and unsung notes of some nameless composition, making his eyes soften yet again to an expression of endearment as the thoughts brought him some solace. And he wished to share some of that quiet gentleness with Shishido, but didn't know if he could. His doubts were further inspired upon hearing the word "odd" in a voice that didn't match his determined, strong beloved at all. So Ohtori wished he could read his mind again, and hope that he was being irrational by thinking it sounded as if his lover was beginning to give up on himself after almost a week in the hospital.
That thought wasn't fair at all. Shishido was healing, so why this so suddenly? Yet... what if it hadn't been as sudden as it appeared to be?
...Shishido's alone now.
"Odd, love?" He questioned quietly, though that thought led to another and he accepted the invitation to sit down. "Ah, yes, thank you..." He retrieved a chair from the corner of the room, placing it on the beside to sit, but not before he subconsciously smoothed a hand over the sheets, tucking them closer to Shishido. "I'm sorry I took so long getting back. I... didn't want to get kicked out by your doctor again." Ohtori smiled a little. The cotton was soft beneath his fingers, and it was also further reassuring that his boyfriend was solid and real and there. Despite everything else. Whatever was going on. "Have you had any breakfast yet?"
“No,” Shishido answered on reflex, then added. “I’ve not been feeling that hungry.” He wanted to talk to his lover badly; the urge was so strong that it made his muscles tighten and his stomach lunge. Choutarou wouldn’t get mad with him, Fuji had to be wrong. Forcing his hand to move, Shishido still didn’t look at his lover his eyes still intent on those fingers. He brushed fingers tips and only hesitated a moment before threading his fingers in between Choutarou’s. The breath he’d been holding was expelled and Shishido closed his eyes for a moment. He wouldn’t get mad. “Can we talk…I mean, really talk?”
A frown twitched at Ohtori's lips from the reply, he not being too pleased with it but offered a passive response for now. "You need to eat, Ryou. You need your strength..." He'd try and see if he could get his boyfriend to eat later, perhaps... well... later. His thought was interrupted as Shishido entwined their hands, the frown becoming a gentle smile. He curled his fingers back, then took his free hand to lay it atop his lover's. He'd probably given that hand hundreds of kisses over the past few days and now let it lay in the warmth between his own, caressing the back of it.
"Of course!" His voice rose to its normal levels, but only for a brief moment. As his daze wore off, he was calm and quiet again, or at least was resembling some state of calm now with Shishido's words becoming less dull. "Of course... What do you want to talk about?"
Closing his eyes a moment he just concentrated on the warmth radiating from Choutarou’s hands and this time when he opened them he looked up at him. His Choutarou, his best friend, his partner, his lover, his world. Shishido didn’t know where to start or how best to say things when he did know, he always seemed to fuck up when trying to explain himself. Grasping his lovers hand a little tighter he took a steadying breath.
“I don’t feel like myself anymore, there’s all these thoughts and feelings going around me.” Shishido paused glancing away briefly. He wasn’t used to talking about things like this, himself, his feeling. Bravado and horse play, yes. Of real, no way. “Things I don’t wanna be thinking or feeling. It’s like something’s broken…and I dunno if I can fix it.”
Ohtori's eyes never left his lover, not even when he shook his head at his words. "You're not broken, Ryou. You've just been through a lot, and..." He couldn't really explain it, counting on Shishido to just know. The stress, the trauma. Surely his own couldn't compare to his boyfriend's in the least, but he encouraged him to keep talking, wanting to hear him out though he knew how difficult it must've been to even open his mouth. Ohtori had known him for a long time, thus knew his hesitance with bearing his soul, his thoughts, his feelings. So the violinist gave his unwavering support as well as his ears and what insight he could, even with Shishido just beginning. "and it's all just going to take time. You're still healing, and nothing can stop you from being the strong, beautiful person you are. Not even these thoughts and feelings."
Still, he couldn't help but inquire what his boyfriend was dwelling on, what was plaguing his mind. Support went far, but Ohtori hoped he could help him more somehow. He focused on the pattern his thumb kept tracing, the trail over Shishido's knuckles and hand in that tightened grip. "But what has been troubling you?"
Shishido shook his head. “I wish I could believe it was that simple, part of me just wants to erase this last week and pretend it never happened. Everything’s changed and I’m floundering.” Frowning as he listened to his own words and how weak they seemed, Shishido’s anger at himself grew. “Maybe you’ve noticed.” He hoped maybe Choutarou had, as horrible was it was at least it might be a little easier to talk about. “That I get nervous, jumpy with you…and I know it’s wrong, Choutarou…but it’s like I’ve lost my trust.”
Now that pained Ohtori greatly. Having him go on and not being able to do anything but hold his hand and listen to the heartbreaking words that were coming from his boyfriend's lips. And as much as they heart him, they made him fearful and horribly anxious and he was worrying his lip all over again. Let me help you. Please let me help you and show you nothing has to change... "I-I have noticed..." he whispered, though until now, he'd been fooling himself into believing it was nothing at all. So he was truthful to that, keep his voice low so he wasn't interrupting. "I didn't think much of it, but..." And as soon as Shishido stopped talking, Ohtori's head snapped up, his eyes locking onto his lover's. "Your trust..." His fear became full blown then, coupling with inspired insecurities and dead. "In me...?"
Shishido could feel his own anxieties increasing ten fold at his boyfriends reactions to his words, he wanted to stop him from biting at his lower lip but he also didn't want to move his hand from the secure warmth it rested in. He didn't want to answer in the positive or negative because it just wasn't that simple. "Choutarou...I don't get why, it's like there's this constant nagging voice in my head...I know it's unjustified, but it just won't go away." He returned his lovers gaze trying not to look away in shame and self hate from all the hurt he could see reflected in them. "I love you, Choutarou. Please don't ever doubt that. It's like you kept saying, my own father almost killed him....I guess my trust in others got a beating too." Shishido didn't know what else to say, there weren't any magic words or cures and he was beginning to realise the physical injures were nothing compared to the mental ones. Maybe, I do need help...
"I love you too." The words passed his lips automatically, though that didn't stop him from meaning it, for he did and knew that no matter what was going on, he would never be able to think differently of Shishido. Especially when he reassured him like that, making the conflicting emotions in his boyfriend even more visible. And as if he'd read Shishido’s mind, he went on, though nervously as his thoughts scrambled together. "Do you... want to talk to someone about it? I mean, if you don't think it's going to stop on its own... And don't think I'm not glad you could bring it up with me, Ryou. You can still trust me that much, so that's a start, but maybe.." He gave his hand a squeeze. "Maybe you need someone more? You've been through far too much, love."
Deep down he knew that Choutarou was speaking the truth, but it still a very large bitter pill for Shishido to swallow. Even now, he would rather try every alternative road before he’d talk to a … professional. Plus he was feeling a little more settled now his lover had sat with him, maybe it was just being alone and having far too much time to brood that was making things seem far worse. Pulling Choutarou’s hands closer he closed his eyes and nuzzled into them. “I…I was worried about talking to you,” Shishido continued feeling his cheeks burn in shame. “Fuji seemed to think you’d be angry about this and because I asked him to wash my hair, he said I shouldn’t tell you.” Dark blue eyes flicked back up to his boyfriend searching. “You’re not mad, right?”
Ohtori's posture was relaxed now, the stress fading now that all the words and thoughts were between them and spoken for. It made him feel like he was finally a step closer to Shishido again, beginning to close that horrible space that had grown between them. And Ohtori blinking quickly as his vision blurred on his own, discouraging himself to be overemotional about such a coming relief even as his boyfriend confessed to a few more things. He simply took the opportunity to faintly brush his flushed cheeks and feel the familiar lines of his face--to touch a few loose strands of his hair as it was mentioned. "No, I'm not mad..." Maybe a little sad, maybe a little jealous but those were all silly thoughts. There was nothing to be jealous about, not even the nagging feeling that perhaps Shishido trusted the tensai a little bit more right now. That was alright, that was all okay because his lover promised that he never had to doubt his love. So Ohtori didn't, looking back at the other with a soft expression. "Fuji must be a good friend; I'm happy he's there for you and have nothing but praises for him. It's good to have someone else to talk to... since... you may not be able to tell me everything..."
Shishido sighed against Choutarou’s warm hand as he felt like a crushing weight had been lifted off his chest. His lovers’ words making him feel incredibly guilty for kicking Fuji out when it was obvious he was only trying to make him see sense. “But I should be able to talk to you, and I want to be able too. You were, are my best friend as much as you are my boyfriend.” Lifting his head a little he placed a kiss on the top of Choutarou’s hand. “You got some rest right? The schools being cool with you?” Shishido knew it was changing the subject, but part of him wanted to talk about the normal everyday stuff the mood had been too heavy for too long.
"You can," Ohtori said with a small smile as he watched and felt his lover's lips against his hand. "You can tell me anything. I'll always be here to listen. Promise." He moved his fingers, grazing them as they touched Shishido's lips, still intent on memorizing his face as well as offering him such soft gestures of love and support. And he didn't stop even as his boyfriend spoke of something else, idly trailing his knuckles up his cheek. "I slept as well as I could. It was a little hard with you being here..." Ohtori shook his head a little. "And they're being as understanding as they can. When they want me back, I can always just use my sickdays so I can be with you... until you are better and want to go home..."
“I wanna go home soon,” Shishido sighed wistfully, though he had to wonder just where home was now. ”I’d say not to use your sick days for me incase you get sick at some point…but I’d be wasting my breath right.” He chuckled good naturedly his voice beginning to feel as light as it normally did. “Maybe after this second hand op they’ll let me go, I’ll heal better in a place I feel safe maybe Rob can bring Fuse up too. Miss the stupid mut…” It was then he heard the door go and his eyes widened at the sight of his father over Choutarou’s shoulder.
"I don't get sick." Ohtori's smile grew a little more, loving the sound of Shishido's chuckle. His hand had made it up to his hair and was softly petting him now. "And I bet Fuse misses you too. Maybe you could stay with..." He trailed off, blinking as he noticed Shishido's eyes were focused beyond him. He glanced over his shoulder, then immediately jumped to his feet out of surprise and shock. Though those feelings were quick to fade away, replaced by a glare and a hard look as he kept himself standing between the man and his boyfriend. He hadn't seen Shishido's father for a long time--barely at all--but from his lover's expression, he had no doubt in his mind to who it was: the one person who he'd never forgive. And the last person he wanted to spoil their peaceful moment. And Ohtori wasn't about to hide what he felt. "How dare you come here--get out."
Shigerou just raised an eyebrow, the look on his face a picture of contempt. “You can’t stop me from seeing my pathetic excuse for a son, Ohtori-kun,” he said easily stepping further into the room. “I need to give him something anyway.”
Shishido shifted behind Choutarou sitting up slowly and trying to push down the fear that was threatening to take him over. He had his lover to worry about and there was no way in hell he was going to let his father lay a finger on him. His heart beating hard and fast in his chest he tried to move Choutarou out of the way and behind him, not really possible when he was in a bed but… “Leave it at the nurse’s station and go.”
Shigerou moved closer. “What’s the matter, Ryou? Don’t want to talk to your own father.” His eyes flicked to Choutarou. “And I guess you’re his fairy princess? I wonder what your parents would say….”
“You leave him out of this you fucking prick!” Shishido snarled.
Despite Shishido's silent insistence and his approaching father, Ohtori refused to move a step. He refused to cower the least bit for hatred overpowered any hint of fear within him. Brown eyes only narrowed further and he grit his teeth as the cruel words were exchanged, he having no more of it and cutting Shishido off. "It is none of your business what my parents think, but I am quite sure they are decent enough to not stoop to your level--" He almost called him 'Shishido-san,' but oh how wrong that would have sounded, especially when that had been how he'd addressed his boyfriend until a few months ago. "But you're right, I can't stop seeing your son, but you have no son here. You have no right to call him that or to call yourself a parent for what you've done to him--put him through. And Ryou clearly doesn't want to here so. Get. Out!"
“I merely tried to instill a little respect into the worthless brat, as you’ve just seen, he’s seriously lacking in that area,” Shigerou glared straight back at Choutarou. “As are you it would seem.”
“You don’t the first god damn thing about respect!” Shishido shot back getting gingerly to his feet and trying to place himself as a barrier between them. “Give me what ever it is and go…” He could feel himself shacking with more than rage, but he wasn’t alone this time, Choutarou was with him…
Choosing to ignore the other mans presence Shigerou sneered at his ‘son’. “I decided to do as you suggested, your poor mother is heartbroken.” Reaching inside his jacket he pulled out a thick envelope and offered it too Shishido a smug smile on his face.
“What did you do?” What did you say to her? Looking into his fathers eyes a few moments longer he looked down at the letter reaching to take it. He never saw the back hand that followed.
"If Ryou's worthless, then I don't want to know what you are," Ohtori muttered under his breath, he watching on as Shishido insisted on getting up. Then as the letter was handed over and how his partner remained transfixed on it rather than, not noticing the hand. Though Ohtori did, and that made the difference.
Perhaps he was waiting for it, which was why he was eying the man so closely, his hand shooting out from around Shishido and grabbing the man's wrist before the action could be completed. And gently nudging his boyfriend aside, he pushed his father back across the room, toward the door with his tight hold ever around his arm "You bastard, don't you ever try to lay a hand on him again," he growled darkly, now quite focused on kicking him out since whatever it was had been delivered. Perhaps it was a little selfish acting and moving so quickly, but he couldn't comprehend a reason for why Shishido might want him to stay any longer, with questions or otherwise. If nothing else, Ohtori could not tolerate the man trying to hurt his lover right in front of him. It took all of his restraint to not want to hit him back.
"Now, you've delivered your letter, so I reccommend that you walk out that door and never show your face again."
Shishido just stared, eyes wide and a look of horror on his face as time seemed to stop for a few seconds just an inch from his face. He didn’t protest as Choutarou urged him to one side and feeling the bed behind his legs collapsed back onto it. The letter clutched tightly in his left hand, Shishido watched as his lover pushed his father towards the door. Part of him wanted to be the one doing it and keep Choutarou out of the firing line, but his body just felt paralyzed. He was breathing so hard his ribs hurt and his heart raced in his chest. “Get out,” he murmured. “Just…Get. Out…. GetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutGETOUT!”
Shigerou just laughed before yanking his arm out of Choutarou’s bruising grip. “Don’t bother coming by for your belongings I’ve already thrown them out.” That said he sent one last glare at Choutarou before leaving and shutting the door with a bang.
Ohtori remained at the door for a moment, hands balled at his sides until he assured himself Shishido's father really wasn't coming back. He then released a long breath, the unforgiving hate fading off as he looked back at his boyfriend, his look unreadable now. And without second thought, he closed the few long strides that separate them again, carefully since he didn't know how badly Shishido had been shaken up. It was there that Ohtori caught himself, his lover's panicked words echoing in his mind until he was partially settled with the thought of dear gods, that man has to ruin everything, and he reached out, gently smoothing his hair until he could bring himself to place a kiss on his forehead. "It's okay Ryou. He's gone."
Shishido couldn't help but start a little as Choutarou stroked his hair, eyes fixed and the door and trying to burn holes through it. But it wasn't long before he was leaning into the touch and trying to get his mind to work again. Shishido swallowed hard against his dry throat as he felt more than saw his boyfriend brush a kiss to his head. "Gone…," he whispered looking again at the envelope and tossing it to one side. He didn't care what was in it right now, he could guess anyway. Using his now free hands Shishido moved to pull Choutarou down next to him and once he was there crawled onto his lap and began to cry.
Everything was so vivid to Ohtori, even after what had just happened, though maybe it was because he was still alert for another presence. But it didn't stop him from watching on as he was pulled onto the bed and gained a lapful of his distressed boyfriend. Instantly, he was hugging Shishido tightly, holding him close and letting him shed all the tears he needed to, not dwelling on the fact that he could count the times he'd seen him cry on one hand... actually, on a couple of fingers... maybe just one, but it didn't matter. All that matter was being with and soothing his boyfriend, keeping his arms snug around him and stroking the ends of his hair, gently rocking him. "Shh, love, it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. I'm here."
Shishido just clung onto his lover his head buried under his chin and his hands fisted in his shirt. A hundred and one things running through his mind as he tried to burrow closer and the force of his tears making his ribs ache. “D..on’t leave me alo…ne,” he pleaded brokenly between sobs. “You’re all I’ve g…ot left.” And that was the truth of it. If Shishido’s father had finally followed through with the threat he was always making, Choutarou really was the only thing he had left.
"I'm not going anywhere," Ohtori reassured him quickly, calmly, still running his fingers through his hair. Hearing Shishido's broken voice made his heart ache, but he wouldn't let himself go to his own sensitive emotions. His lover needed him, so that was where he would remain, pressed tightly to him in their embrace and offering him gentle truths he hoped he wouldn't deny. "I'm never leaving. Never, my love. I promise. Me, Robert-san, Fuji-san, Fuse... we're all here for you."
Letting Choutarou’s words and actions wash over him, Shishido took them to heart and clung onto them as tightly as he was holding his lover. He didn’t know what else to do, one minute he was thinking that maybe things were going to get better because he could talk to Choutarou. Then his father had to show up and he was hurled back into turbulent waters. He wanted to go home, he didn’t want to stay here, not now, fuck Monday’s second operation.
Feeling his sobs soften, Shishido just suddenly felt boneless and drained as he sank into Choutarou’s arms and let his touches relax him. “I wanna go home…take me home with you, Choutarou.” He murmured against his neck even though he knew there was no point in saying it, the doctors wouldn’t let him go yet.
Ohtori could feel his boyfriend going still, his outpour of emotions finally exhausting him, but he still didn't relax his hold. He said he wouldn't and was holding onto that promise, soothing Shishido in any way he could, pressing a kiss on the top of his head as he relaxed in his arms. Gods his boyfriend had been through enough and Ohtori dared to hope and plead that nothing else would happen short of his recovery. It was a wish that doubled in worth as he listened to his lover's words. "I will as soon as I can," he said, making another promise. It hurt him how he was unable to do it right away. "I won't let you go anywhere else, but you have to stay here for a little while longer. Just a few more days and I'll be here with you for them. You can do this, love."
Whipping away the last few stay tears with he back of his bandaged hand, Shishido’s pulled back just far enough to look at his lover. “Okay…” He knew it was selfish wanting Choutarou to stay right where he was especially when he knew the other wouldn’t eat or sleep well. “Thanks for stopping him…I never saw…he didn’t hurt you?” God, if he had, Shishido didn’t know what he’d do. And what if he did tell Choutarou’s parents…all he could do was hope it wouldn’t happen.
He touched his cheek as soon as Shishido had pulled away, offering a smile at his affirmative. The other arm remained wound around him and would stay there. "There is no need to thank me, Ryou. I couldn't let him lay another hand on you." And wouldn't. Never, ever again. "And he didn't even touch me, so don't worry over it." And with that, Ohtori closed the distance between them again, leaning forward to place gentle kisses on his boyfriend's eyelids.
Shishido couldn’t help but crack a slight smile at the affectionate gesture as he sniffed a little. “Sometimes I forget just how strong you really are.” And maybe in some twisted way it would settle Shishido’s nerves to know Choutarou would, and had, used that strength to protect rather than harm him. “Do you think when everything’s over and stuff that we could go away somewhere? Just a long weekend by the beach.” He asked feeling a little unsure, plus it wasn’t going to be any time soon.
Ohtori refrained from commenting on the first statement, giving him a loving look. Strength-wise, he didn't think much of himself, leaving him to be willed by his emotions. So of course he'd give all he had in protecting his lover. Though all he could ever think to do with his hands were to skillfully play his violin and piano and to tenderly caress Shishido's cheek, the latter of which he did. "Of course. Anywhere you want. It's about time we get away and just have a little vacation..."
“I really like that idea,” Shishido replied as he leaned into the touch closing his tired eyes for a moment. “But maybe we can just cuddle up for a while; I didn’t sleep well last night.” Placing a kiss on Choutarou’s lips he moved back so his lover could arrange himself at the head of the bed more comfortably. Then he settled back down next to him nuzzling into his chest and burying himself as close to Choutarou as possible. “Guess I’m gonna have to change my name,” he mussed idly.
"Yes, my love," Ohtori agreed without second thought. He didn't like the idea of Shishido not getting much sleep, but he was quite intent on resting now, and Ohtori himself had no complaints to settling down in the bed. He held him close, resting his chin atop his head as his fingers wound through his hair, soothingly petting him. "You should nap and then we need to get some food in you." Though his hand stilled as soon as his lover's latter statement reached his ears. "Yeah..." Ohtori trailed off, biting his lip. Oh how his mind ran with that, making his heart flutter. Dearest gods he was a fool. "But don't worry about that yet, Ryou."
Shishido felt slightly sick at the mention of food, but maybe that was because he hadn’t eaten in so long. “Maybe if they have some soap, I don’t think I could stomach anything more solid right now,” he murmured against Choutarou’s chest as he wrapped his good arm around him and closed his eyes. “Maybe I’ll just steal your name….” Shishido grinned at the thought not really thinking about the seriousness of such a thing. “You better get some sleep too, ‘Tarou.”
"I'll find you some when we wake up... or I can go buy some. Hospital food isn't the best thing in the world..." Ohtori mumbled, stiffling a yawn. Perhaps all the tossing and turning of last night was catching up to him too, especially now with the familiar and comforting warmth of his boyfriend beside him. He snuggled close, gasping lightly as Shishido's musings hit home, as if he'd been reading his thoughts. Ohtori could tell he wasn't being completely serious, but he himself just couldn't joke about the matter. He closed his eyes, whispering sleepily. "Ryou... You can have my name whenever you want."
Date : Friday 21st [BACKDATED]
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Ohtori and Shishido talk, but there’s an unwelcome guest.
As soon as Ohtori had left the hospital and arrived back at his apartment, his earlier assumptions were proven correct. Despite his sleeplessness, he was not feeling tired at all, or hungry for that matter, leaving him to pace around and worry. Useless things like that until he resigned himself to take a long, hot shower with hope that it would relax him. It did, to some degree, skin flushed and mind drowsy as he shuffled around, inevitably heading over to his apartment's phone to check his messages almost subconsciously. He was going on automatic and continued to do so as he found there were quite a few, which wasn't surprising seeing as how Ohtori had more or less disappeared off the face of the earth during his stay in the hospital with Shishido. There was also no surprise how each message was from his workplace either: the administrator, a few of his coworkers, and several messages from Muruyama demanding where he was, the prior of them being old and outdated since Ohtori had called the school yesterday, asking to use some of his sick days. His boss hadn't sounded pleased, but he allowed it. That may have been the only thing of importance since the violinist neglected to pick up the phone again, though it may also have been because he wouldn't of been able to deal with Muruyama at the moment, not with his thoughts elsewhere and his concerns centered on his boyfriend.
Moving to the main room, Ohtori sat heavily on the couch, slouching back against the cushions and zoning out on the idle violin case before him as he was finally given a solid chance to reflect. And he did so, running the whole situation and results--Shishido's injuries and both their feelings--over again and again in his mind. He was unable to speak for his lover, but he knew the roller coaster of emotions he himself felt, and was still feeling, and he also knew that there was one big question remaining that loomed over everything: what now? Ohtori worried his bottom lip as he thought this, running his tongue over the cut that had been there since he first split it while waiting outside the operating theatre. What now? How much was it going to change everything?
Everything?
He didn't realize he'd passed out on the couch--his exhaustion having finally caught up with him in one fell swoop--until he felt himself waking up again, light streaming in and warming his face. His neck and back were sore from laying on the sofa, making him frown at the displeasure, but it was the least of the concerns. Ohtori was on his feet shortly, throwing on a fresh change of clothes and making himself a quick breakfast, for it was morning, right? The next day? The violinist was unsure, having lost track of time days ago, but there was the guarantee that the doctor would let him back in now. So after inhaling his meal and grabbing his bag, he quickly made his way out of the door, finally checking his cell phone and receiving Fuji's message that had been waiting there for a while.
"Ohtori, thought you should know Shishido's alone now. - F.S."
He almost missed a step on his way down the stairs as he read this, remembering his worry as well as a bit of confusion. Something about the message was completely unsettling, unnerving even, but he refused to jump to any conclusions until he arrived at the hospital… where he discovered that instead of his daypack, he'd grabbed his violin case, something he felt incredibly embarrassed about, but with Shishido only a few corridors away, he couldn't bring himself to turn around. So he was politely knocking on the door in no time, timidly and expectantly poking his head inside the patient room. "Ryou…?"
After the initial bout of deep sleep he’d fallen into after Fuji had left the only rest Shishido had managed was fitful at best. He just couldn’t shack the words Fuji had spoken from his mind and Shishido had decided at 4am in the morning that he was defiantly going mad. Add to that the fact he had barely touched any food in the last 24 hours and yelled at the nurse when she went to open the blinds. Shishido had changed his internal plea from madness to depression. And there he was thinking only uncool emo kids did dumb stuff like that. If he’d had the strength he might have laughed.
So he just lay there staring at the wall in some kind of semi conscious state, he could hear the daily goings on outside the door but it just felt like he was a so detached from it all. Part of him kept hoping that someone was coming to visit every time a shadow passed across the small gap between door and floor. But when it didn’t open Shishido was left with an odd mixed sense of relief and disappointment. As much as he wanted to know someone was there he didn’t what to have to deal with them and their stupid questions, for as stubborn as he was it seemed his doctor was ten times more stubborn. He had left earlier promising him that they would talk later, Shishido had just said, whatever.
Shishido guessed he must have fallen into another doze when his mind was pushed back into consciousness by a soft knock. He listened for a moment wondering if it was another nurse on her rounds checking everyone’s blood pressure and temperature. But when the door was opened and he heard the familiar voice call out his name a tidal wave of thoughts and emotions seemed crash down on him leaving him temporally dazed.
“Choutarou….” His voice seemed to work on automatic as Shishido quickly tried to clear his mind and push all those unwanted thoughts and feelings back as deep as they would go.
The first thing Ohtori noticed were the closed blinds and the long shadows that strewn across the floor, he watching as the day's light vainly tried to peek in until his eyes inevitably moved over to the bed. And there they softened considerably, his shoulders sagging the slightest bit for he could not help but tense from worry, stepping fully into the room and silently closing the door behind him as he was acknowledged. He didn't know why his heart chose to beat so quickly right then. Perhaps it was from the atmosphere of the room: the dense, heavy air that seemed to crush down on it and deepen the darkness, but even so, he continued his careful steps forward. Ohtori left his case to the side and against the wall before turning to approach the bedside.
"Hey..." He almost made himself repeat the word, thinking that he may have spoken too softly, too unsure. As if it was the first time he was ever there, he barely able to push aside how the worry and his heartbeat were increasing with each step. Though all attention toward it fluttered away as soon as Ohtori was able to make out his boyfriend, eyes widening. He just couldn't fool himself into thinking he looked better, for if anything, he appeared worst, inspiring words and questions he could not begin to voice. Why had his lover been alone anyways? Fuji was his friend, so why did he leave him alone?
The violinist bit his lower lip, wincing as the healing cut protested yet again. The mark of his worry bit back and left him with a desire to reach out for Shishido, to hold him close from the realization that things wouldn't get better by default. But he froze as soon as he stopped at his bedside, fingertips brushing the ends of the sheets but straying no further. "How are you feeling, love?" Clumsy, soft, useless words that slipped from his lips before he could stop them. And all at once, being away from Shishido for 24 hours became far, far too long.
It was like watching everything in slow motion, his brain seeming to register every little movement Choutarou made, every flicker of emotion on his face. He seemed so careful, almost to the point of being unsure and it made Shishido’s gut clench with guilt. Choutarou wouldn’t hurt anyone, least of all him. So why? Why did his mind insist he believe otherwise? Fuji said he wasn’t despicable, Shishido had to disagree. He couldn’t meet those worried chocolate brown eyes when he stopped by his bedside; instead they chose to watch Choutarou’s fingers. Hadn’t they always brought him warmth and pleasure, why was the one thing he cherished more than anything becoming so tainted? God damn him!
“Odd….” Shishido finally replied, even his own voice seemed detached from him it was so flat and emotionless. He felt cold, even with a still slightly elevated temperature, he felt cold. But then it had been Choutarou who had kept the cold out of his bones these last few months, made him warm, filled his heart. Now it was like the ice had settled again and getting thicker as the hours ticked by. He was hurt and hiding and Choutarou seemed afraid to cross the boundary that had settled between them. Coward! Shishido inwardly flinched at the voice. “Wanna sit down?”
Ohtori watched his boyfriend's face, watched his eyes as they didn't lift and make his fingers twitch nervously, expectantly. Both middle and index finger of his left hand tapped the sheets as if to expel such energy, finding invisible and unsung notes of some nameless composition, making his eyes soften yet again to an expression of endearment as the thoughts brought him some solace. And he wished to share some of that quiet gentleness with Shishido, but didn't know if he could. His doubts were further inspired upon hearing the word "odd" in a voice that didn't match his determined, strong beloved at all. So Ohtori wished he could read his mind again, and hope that he was being irrational by thinking it sounded as if his lover was beginning to give up on himself after almost a week in the hospital.
That thought wasn't fair at all. Shishido was healing, so why this so suddenly? Yet... what if it hadn't been as sudden as it appeared to be?
...Shishido's alone now.
"Odd, love?" He questioned quietly, though that thought led to another and he accepted the invitation to sit down. "Ah, yes, thank you..." He retrieved a chair from the corner of the room, placing it on the beside to sit, but not before he subconsciously smoothed a hand over the sheets, tucking them closer to Shishido. "I'm sorry I took so long getting back. I... didn't want to get kicked out by your doctor again." Ohtori smiled a little. The cotton was soft beneath his fingers, and it was also further reassuring that his boyfriend was solid and real and there. Despite everything else. Whatever was going on. "Have you had any breakfast yet?"
“No,” Shishido answered on reflex, then added. “I’ve not been feeling that hungry.” He wanted to talk to his lover badly; the urge was so strong that it made his muscles tighten and his stomach lunge. Choutarou wouldn’t get mad with him, Fuji had to be wrong. Forcing his hand to move, Shishido still didn’t look at his lover his eyes still intent on those fingers. He brushed fingers tips and only hesitated a moment before threading his fingers in between Choutarou’s. The breath he’d been holding was expelled and Shishido closed his eyes for a moment. He wouldn’t get mad. “Can we talk…I mean, really talk?”
A frown twitched at Ohtori's lips from the reply, he not being too pleased with it but offered a passive response for now. "You need to eat, Ryou. You need your strength..." He'd try and see if he could get his boyfriend to eat later, perhaps... well... later. His thought was interrupted as Shishido entwined their hands, the frown becoming a gentle smile. He curled his fingers back, then took his free hand to lay it atop his lover's. He'd probably given that hand hundreds of kisses over the past few days and now let it lay in the warmth between his own, caressing the back of it.
"Of course!" His voice rose to its normal levels, but only for a brief moment. As his daze wore off, he was calm and quiet again, or at least was resembling some state of calm now with Shishido's words becoming less dull. "Of course... What do you want to talk about?"
Closing his eyes a moment he just concentrated on the warmth radiating from Choutarou’s hands and this time when he opened them he looked up at him. His Choutarou, his best friend, his partner, his lover, his world. Shishido didn’t know where to start or how best to say things when he did know, he always seemed to fuck up when trying to explain himself. Grasping his lovers hand a little tighter he took a steadying breath.
“I don’t feel like myself anymore, there’s all these thoughts and feelings going around me.” Shishido paused glancing away briefly. He wasn’t used to talking about things like this, himself, his feeling. Bravado and horse play, yes. Of real, no way. “Things I don’t wanna be thinking or feeling. It’s like something’s broken…and I dunno if I can fix it.”
Ohtori's eyes never left his lover, not even when he shook his head at his words. "You're not broken, Ryou. You've just been through a lot, and..." He couldn't really explain it, counting on Shishido to just know. The stress, the trauma. Surely his own couldn't compare to his boyfriend's in the least, but he encouraged him to keep talking, wanting to hear him out though he knew how difficult it must've been to even open his mouth. Ohtori had known him for a long time, thus knew his hesitance with bearing his soul, his thoughts, his feelings. So the violinist gave his unwavering support as well as his ears and what insight he could, even with Shishido just beginning. "and it's all just going to take time. You're still healing, and nothing can stop you from being the strong, beautiful person you are. Not even these thoughts and feelings."
Still, he couldn't help but inquire what his boyfriend was dwelling on, what was plaguing his mind. Support went far, but Ohtori hoped he could help him more somehow. He focused on the pattern his thumb kept tracing, the trail over Shishido's knuckles and hand in that tightened grip. "But what has been troubling you?"
Shishido shook his head. “I wish I could believe it was that simple, part of me just wants to erase this last week and pretend it never happened. Everything’s changed and I’m floundering.” Frowning as he listened to his own words and how weak they seemed, Shishido’s anger at himself grew. “Maybe you’ve noticed.” He hoped maybe Choutarou had, as horrible was it was at least it might be a little easier to talk about. “That I get nervous, jumpy with you…and I know it’s wrong, Choutarou…but it’s like I’ve lost my trust.”
Now that pained Ohtori greatly. Having him go on and not being able to do anything but hold his hand and listen to the heartbreaking words that were coming from his boyfriend's lips. And as much as they heart him, they made him fearful and horribly anxious and he was worrying his lip all over again. Let me help you. Please let me help you and show you nothing has to change... "I-I have noticed..." he whispered, though until now, he'd been fooling himself into believing it was nothing at all. So he was truthful to that, keep his voice low so he wasn't interrupting. "I didn't think much of it, but..." And as soon as Shishido stopped talking, Ohtori's head snapped up, his eyes locking onto his lover's. "Your trust..." His fear became full blown then, coupling with inspired insecurities and dead. "In me...?"
Shishido could feel his own anxieties increasing ten fold at his boyfriends reactions to his words, he wanted to stop him from biting at his lower lip but he also didn't want to move his hand from the secure warmth it rested in. He didn't want to answer in the positive or negative because it just wasn't that simple. "Choutarou...I don't get why, it's like there's this constant nagging voice in my head...I know it's unjustified, but it just won't go away." He returned his lovers gaze trying not to look away in shame and self hate from all the hurt he could see reflected in them. "I love you, Choutarou. Please don't ever doubt that. It's like you kept saying, my own father almost killed him....I guess my trust in others got a beating too." Shishido didn't know what else to say, there weren't any magic words or cures and he was beginning to realise the physical injures were nothing compared to the mental ones. Maybe, I do need help...
"I love you too." The words passed his lips automatically, though that didn't stop him from meaning it, for he did and knew that no matter what was going on, he would never be able to think differently of Shishido. Especially when he reassured him like that, making the conflicting emotions in his boyfriend even more visible. And as if he'd read Shishido’s mind, he went on, though nervously as his thoughts scrambled together. "Do you... want to talk to someone about it? I mean, if you don't think it's going to stop on its own... And don't think I'm not glad you could bring it up with me, Ryou. You can still trust me that much, so that's a start, but maybe.." He gave his hand a squeeze. "Maybe you need someone more? You've been through far too much, love."
Deep down he knew that Choutarou was speaking the truth, but it still a very large bitter pill for Shishido to swallow. Even now, he would rather try every alternative road before he’d talk to a … professional. Plus he was feeling a little more settled now his lover had sat with him, maybe it was just being alone and having far too much time to brood that was making things seem far worse. Pulling Choutarou’s hands closer he closed his eyes and nuzzled into them. “I…I was worried about talking to you,” Shishido continued feeling his cheeks burn in shame. “Fuji seemed to think you’d be angry about this and because I asked him to wash my hair, he said I shouldn’t tell you.” Dark blue eyes flicked back up to his boyfriend searching. “You’re not mad, right?”
Ohtori's posture was relaxed now, the stress fading now that all the words and thoughts were between them and spoken for. It made him feel like he was finally a step closer to Shishido again, beginning to close that horrible space that had grown between them. And Ohtori blinking quickly as his vision blurred on his own, discouraging himself to be overemotional about such a coming relief even as his boyfriend confessed to a few more things. He simply took the opportunity to faintly brush his flushed cheeks and feel the familiar lines of his face--to touch a few loose strands of his hair as it was mentioned. "No, I'm not mad..." Maybe a little sad, maybe a little jealous but those were all silly thoughts. There was nothing to be jealous about, not even the nagging feeling that perhaps Shishido trusted the tensai a little bit more right now. That was alright, that was all okay because his lover promised that he never had to doubt his love. So Ohtori didn't, looking back at the other with a soft expression. "Fuji must be a good friend; I'm happy he's there for you and have nothing but praises for him. It's good to have someone else to talk to... since... you may not be able to tell me everything..."
Shishido sighed against Choutarou’s warm hand as he felt like a crushing weight had been lifted off his chest. His lovers’ words making him feel incredibly guilty for kicking Fuji out when it was obvious he was only trying to make him see sense. “But I should be able to talk to you, and I want to be able too. You were, are my best friend as much as you are my boyfriend.” Lifting his head a little he placed a kiss on the top of Choutarou’s hand. “You got some rest right? The schools being cool with you?” Shishido knew it was changing the subject, but part of him wanted to talk about the normal everyday stuff the mood had been too heavy for too long.
"You can," Ohtori said with a small smile as he watched and felt his lover's lips against his hand. "You can tell me anything. I'll always be here to listen. Promise." He moved his fingers, grazing them as they touched Shishido's lips, still intent on memorizing his face as well as offering him such soft gestures of love and support. And he didn't stop even as his boyfriend spoke of something else, idly trailing his knuckles up his cheek. "I slept as well as I could. It was a little hard with you being here..." Ohtori shook his head a little. "And they're being as understanding as they can. When they want me back, I can always just use my sickdays so I can be with you... until you are better and want to go home..."
“I wanna go home soon,” Shishido sighed wistfully, though he had to wonder just where home was now. ”I’d say not to use your sick days for me incase you get sick at some point…but I’d be wasting my breath right.” He chuckled good naturedly his voice beginning to feel as light as it normally did. “Maybe after this second hand op they’ll let me go, I’ll heal better in a place I feel safe maybe Rob can bring Fuse up too. Miss the stupid mut…” It was then he heard the door go and his eyes widened at the sight of his father over Choutarou’s shoulder.
"I don't get sick." Ohtori's smile grew a little more, loving the sound of Shishido's chuckle. His hand had made it up to his hair and was softly petting him now. "And I bet Fuse misses you too. Maybe you could stay with..." He trailed off, blinking as he noticed Shishido's eyes were focused beyond him. He glanced over his shoulder, then immediately jumped to his feet out of surprise and shock. Though those feelings were quick to fade away, replaced by a glare and a hard look as he kept himself standing between the man and his boyfriend. He hadn't seen Shishido's father for a long time--barely at all--but from his lover's expression, he had no doubt in his mind to who it was: the one person who he'd never forgive. And the last person he wanted to spoil their peaceful moment. And Ohtori wasn't about to hide what he felt. "How dare you come here--get out."
Shigerou just raised an eyebrow, the look on his face a picture of contempt. “You can’t stop me from seeing my pathetic excuse for a son, Ohtori-kun,” he said easily stepping further into the room. “I need to give him something anyway.”
Shishido shifted behind Choutarou sitting up slowly and trying to push down the fear that was threatening to take him over. He had his lover to worry about and there was no way in hell he was going to let his father lay a finger on him. His heart beating hard and fast in his chest he tried to move Choutarou out of the way and behind him, not really possible when he was in a bed but… “Leave it at the nurse’s station and go.”
Shigerou moved closer. “What’s the matter, Ryou? Don’t want to talk to your own father.” His eyes flicked to Choutarou. “And I guess you’re his fairy princess? I wonder what your parents would say….”
“You leave him out of this you fucking prick!” Shishido snarled.
Despite Shishido's silent insistence and his approaching father, Ohtori refused to move a step. He refused to cower the least bit for hatred overpowered any hint of fear within him. Brown eyes only narrowed further and he grit his teeth as the cruel words were exchanged, he having no more of it and cutting Shishido off. "It is none of your business what my parents think, but I am quite sure they are decent enough to not stoop to your level--" He almost called him 'Shishido-san,' but oh how wrong that would have sounded, especially when that had been how he'd addressed his boyfriend until a few months ago. "But you're right, I can't stop seeing your son, but you have no son here. You have no right to call him that or to call yourself a parent for what you've done to him--put him through. And Ryou clearly doesn't want to here so. Get. Out!"
“I merely tried to instill a little respect into the worthless brat, as you’ve just seen, he’s seriously lacking in that area,” Shigerou glared straight back at Choutarou. “As are you it would seem.”
“You don’t the first god damn thing about respect!” Shishido shot back getting gingerly to his feet and trying to place himself as a barrier between them. “Give me what ever it is and go…” He could feel himself shacking with more than rage, but he wasn’t alone this time, Choutarou was with him…
Choosing to ignore the other mans presence Shigerou sneered at his ‘son’. “I decided to do as you suggested, your poor mother is heartbroken.” Reaching inside his jacket he pulled out a thick envelope and offered it too Shishido a smug smile on his face.
“What did you do?” What did you say to her? Looking into his fathers eyes a few moments longer he looked down at the letter reaching to take it. He never saw the back hand that followed.
"If Ryou's worthless, then I don't want to know what you are," Ohtori muttered under his breath, he watching on as Shishido insisted on getting up. Then as the letter was handed over and how his partner remained transfixed on it rather than, not noticing the hand. Though Ohtori did, and that made the difference.
Perhaps he was waiting for it, which was why he was eying the man so closely, his hand shooting out from around Shishido and grabbing the man's wrist before the action could be completed. And gently nudging his boyfriend aside, he pushed his father back across the room, toward the door with his tight hold ever around his arm "You bastard, don't you ever try to lay a hand on him again," he growled darkly, now quite focused on kicking him out since whatever it was had been delivered. Perhaps it was a little selfish acting and moving so quickly, but he couldn't comprehend a reason for why Shishido might want him to stay any longer, with questions or otherwise. If nothing else, Ohtori could not tolerate the man trying to hurt his lover right in front of him. It took all of his restraint to not want to hit him back.
"Now, you've delivered your letter, so I reccommend that you walk out that door and never show your face again."
Shishido just stared, eyes wide and a look of horror on his face as time seemed to stop for a few seconds just an inch from his face. He didn’t protest as Choutarou urged him to one side and feeling the bed behind his legs collapsed back onto it. The letter clutched tightly in his left hand, Shishido watched as his lover pushed his father towards the door. Part of him wanted to be the one doing it and keep Choutarou out of the firing line, but his body just felt paralyzed. He was breathing so hard his ribs hurt and his heart raced in his chest. “Get out,” he murmured. “Just…Get. Out…. GetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutGETOUT!”
Shigerou just laughed before yanking his arm out of Choutarou’s bruising grip. “Don’t bother coming by for your belongings I’ve already thrown them out.” That said he sent one last glare at Choutarou before leaving and shutting the door with a bang.
Ohtori remained at the door for a moment, hands balled at his sides until he assured himself Shishido's father really wasn't coming back. He then released a long breath, the unforgiving hate fading off as he looked back at his boyfriend, his look unreadable now. And without second thought, he closed the few long strides that separate them again, carefully since he didn't know how badly Shishido had been shaken up. It was there that Ohtori caught himself, his lover's panicked words echoing in his mind until he was partially settled with the thought of dear gods, that man has to ruin everything, and he reached out, gently smoothing his hair until he could bring himself to place a kiss on his forehead. "It's okay Ryou. He's gone."
Shishido couldn't help but start a little as Choutarou stroked his hair, eyes fixed and the door and trying to burn holes through it. But it wasn't long before he was leaning into the touch and trying to get his mind to work again. Shishido swallowed hard against his dry throat as he felt more than saw his boyfriend brush a kiss to his head. "Gone…," he whispered looking again at the envelope and tossing it to one side. He didn't care what was in it right now, he could guess anyway. Using his now free hands Shishido moved to pull Choutarou down next to him and once he was there crawled onto his lap and began to cry.
Everything was so vivid to Ohtori, even after what had just happened, though maybe it was because he was still alert for another presence. But it didn't stop him from watching on as he was pulled onto the bed and gained a lapful of his distressed boyfriend. Instantly, he was hugging Shishido tightly, holding him close and letting him shed all the tears he needed to, not dwelling on the fact that he could count the times he'd seen him cry on one hand... actually, on a couple of fingers... maybe just one, but it didn't matter. All that matter was being with and soothing his boyfriend, keeping his arms snug around him and stroking the ends of his hair, gently rocking him. "Shh, love, it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. I'm here."
Shishido just clung onto his lover his head buried under his chin and his hands fisted in his shirt. A hundred and one things running through his mind as he tried to burrow closer and the force of his tears making his ribs ache. “D..on’t leave me alo…ne,” he pleaded brokenly between sobs. “You’re all I’ve g…ot left.” And that was the truth of it. If Shishido’s father had finally followed through with the threat he was always making, Choutarou really was the only thing he had left.
"I'm not going anywhere," Ohtori reassured him quickly, calmly, still running his fingers through his hair. Hearing Shishido's broken voice made his heart ache, but he wouldn't let himself go to his own sensitive emotions. His lover needed him, so that was where he would remain, pressed tightly to him in their embrace and offering him gentle truths he hoped he wouldn't deny. "I'm never leaving. Never, my love. I promise. Me, Robert-san, Fuji-san, Fuse... we're all here for you."
Letting Choutarou’s words and actions wash over him, Shishido took them to heart and clung onto them as tightly as he was holding his lover. He didn’t know what else to do, one minute he was thinking that maybe things were going to get better because he could talk to Choutarou. Then his father had to show up and he was hurled back into turbulent waters. He wanted to go home, he didn’t want to stay here, not now, fuck Monday’s second operation.
Feeling his sobs soften, Shishido just suddenly felt boneless and drained as he sank into Choutarou’s arms and let his touches relax him. “I wanna go home…take me home with you, Choutarou.” He murmured against his neck even though he knew there was no point in saying it, the doctors wouldn’t let him go yet.
Ohtori could feel his boyfriend going still, his outpour of emotions finally exhausting him, but he still didn't relax his hold. He said he wouldn't and was holding onto that promise, soothing Shishido in any way he could, pressing a kiss on the top of his head as he relaxed in his arms. Gods his boyfriend had been through enough and Ohtori dared to hope and plead that nothing else would happen short of his recovery. It was a wish that doubled in worth as he listened to his lover's words. "I will as soon as I can," he said, making another promise. It hurt him how he was unable to do it right away. "I won't let you go anywhere else, but you have to stay here for a little while longer. Just a few more days and I'll be here with you for them. You can do this, love."
Whipping away the last few stay tears with he back of his bandaged hand, Shishido’s pulled back just far enough to look at his lover. “Okay…” He knew it was selfish wanting Choutarou to stay right where he was especially when he knew the other wouldn’t eat or sleep well. “Thanks for stopping him…I never saw…he didn’t hurt you?” God, if he had, Shishido didn’t know what he’d do. And what if he did tell Choutarou’s parents…all he could do was hope it wouldn’t happen.
He touched his cheek as soon as Shishido had pulled away, offering a smile at his affirmative. The other arm remained wound around him and would stay there. "There is no need to thank me, Ryou. I couldn't let him lay another hand on you." And wouldn't. Never, ever again. "And he didn't even touch me, so don't worry over it." And with that, Ohtori closed the distance between them again, leaning forward to place gentle kisses on his boyfriend's eyelids.
Shishido couldn’t help but crack a slight smile at the affectionate gesture as he sniffed a little. “Sometimes I forget just how strong you really are.” And maybe in some twisted way it would settle Shishido’s nerves to know Choutarou would, and had, used that strength to protect rather than harm him. “Do you think when everything’s over and stuff that we could go away somewhere? Just a long weekend by the beach.” He asked feeling a little unsure, plus it wasn’t going to be any time soon.
Ohtori refrained from commenting on the first statement, giving him a loving look. Strength-wise, he didn't think much of himself, leaving him to be willed by his emotions. So of course he'd give all he had in protecting his lover. Though all he could ever think to do with his hands were to skillfully play his violin and piano and to tenderly caress Shishido's cheek, the latter of which he did. "Of course. Anywhere you want. It's about time we get away and just have a little vacation..."
“I really like that idea,” Shishido replied as he leaned into the touch closing his tired eyes for a moment. “But maybe we can just cuddle up for a while; I didn’t sleep well last night.” Placing a kiss on Choutarou’s lips he moved back so his lover could arrange himself at the head of the bed more comfortably. Then he settled back down next to him nuzzling into his chest and burying himself as close to Choutarou as possible. “Guess I’m gonna have to change my name,” he mussed idly.
"Yes, my love," Ohtori agreed without second thought. He didn't like the idea of Shishido not getting much sleep, but he was quite intent on resting now, and Ohtori himself had no complaints to settling down in the bed. He held him close, resting his chin atop his head as his fingers wound through his hair, soothingly petting him. "You should nap and then we need to get some food in you." Though his hand stilled as soon as his lover's latter statement reached his ears. "Yeah..." Ohtori trailed off, biting his lip. Oh how his mind ran with that, making his heart flutter. Dearest gods he was a fool. "But don't worry about that yet, Ryou."
Shishido felt slightly sick at the mention of food, but maybe that was because he hadn’t eaten in so long. “Maybe if they have some soap, I don’t think I could stomach anything more solid right now,” he murmured against Choutarou’s chest as he wrapped his good arm around him and closed his eyes. “Maybe I’ll just steal your name….” Shishido grinned at the thought not really thinking about the seriousness of such a thing. “You better get some sleep too, ‘Tarou.”
"I'll find you some when we wake up... or I can go buy some. Hospital food isn't the best thing in the world..." Ohtori mumbled, stiffling a yawn. Perhaps all the tossing and turning of last night was catching up to him too, especially now with the familiar and comforting warmth of his boyfriend beside him. He snuggled close, gasping lightly as Shishido's musings hit home, as if he'd been reading his thoughts. Ohtori could tell he wasn't being completely serious, but he himself just couldn't joke about the matter. He closed his eyes, whispering sleepily. "Ryou... You can have my name whenever you want."