Ah, mood swings, mood swings.
I was doing so well today. Really, I was.
Not only did I put the cuffs on my robes (I remembered how to do buttonholes ALL BY MYSELF! - okay, you have NO idea what an accomplishment this was), and get a call back from my lawyer about my name change, and work more on my wolfy ears, but today...
I actually gave myself my shot. On the first try, without a long pause or deep breathing or any nonsense, I just did it.
It wasn't so bad, but no one gets to say "I told you so", cause you know what, it was perfectly legitimate to be afraid of it. Human beings - any living beings - SHOULD be afraid to jab themselves with dangerous pointy objects. Perfectly rational.
So now I can call the script line to get them to phone a script for the needles in to my pharmacy. Now I can give myself my shots and not go in, pay the copay, wait, etc etc etc... It means that yes, I have one more thing to hide at home, but oh well. I think I'll call them tomorrow. I don't need the needles for two more weeks, but you know, it won't hurt.
Uh oh. Just realized there may be a wee bit of a conflict with my trip and my shot schedule. Only by a day or so though. SO not worth trying to get the things on the airplane for waiting a whole day. A week, and I'd do it, but that ain't worth the aggravation.
Still, despite the fact that I felt "up" earlier, I am decidedly "DOWN" right now.
My wolfy ears aren't turning out the way I want them to, and I'm getting discouraged. I tried to get a couple things I needed at the fabric store today - only to realize when I got in line that I had made it out of the house sans wallet.
I have to go to a wedding on Saturday and while it's at a theme park, and that should be all very nice and all, right now just thinking of dealing with it (it will involve getting up at 4am and an hour's drive) is making me want to slit my wrists.
A thought I've been having with alarming regularity lately. Well, not my wrists necessarily, but slicing of some sort. Bleeding and violence. Pain and ending.
It is, I suppose, one of my sudden, violent and inexplicable mood swings. One to prove to me why it is exactly that we were considering bipolar disorder not too long ago. To remind me that I'm NOT always on an even keel these days and to remind me that yes indeed, things can get worse than they were.
It's also, I'm sure, at least partially precipitated by stress.
I suppose I should relax, but I think I've forgotten how. I can't even just lie down and watch TV. I end up punishing myself for wasting perfectly good working time.
Not only did I put the cuffs on my robes (I remembered how to do buttonholes ALL BY MYSELF! - okay, you have NO idea what an accomplishment this was), and get a call back from my lawyer about my name change, and work more on my wolfy ears, but today...
I actually gave myself my shot. On the first try, without a long pause or deep breathing or any nonsense, I just did it.
It wasn't so bad, but no one gets to say "I told you so", cause you know what, it was perfectly legitimate to be afraid of it. Human beings - any living beings - SHOULD be afraid to jab themselves with dangerous pointy objects. Perfectly rational.
So now I can call the script line to get them to phone a script for the needles in to my pharmacy. Now I can give myself my shots and not go in, pay the copay, wait, etc etc etc... It means that yes, I have one more thing to hide at home, but oh well. I think I'll call them tomorrow. I don't need the needles for two more weeks, but you know, it won't hurt.
Uh oh. Just realized there may be a wee bit of a conflict with my trip and my shot schedule. Only by a day or so though. SO not worth trying to get the things on the airplane for waiting a whole day. A week, and I'd do it, but that ain't worth the aggravation.
Still, despite the fact that I felt "up" earlier, I am decidedly "DOWN" right now.
My wolfy ears aren't turning out the way I want them to, and I'm getting discouraged. I tried to get a couple things I needed at the fabric store today - only to realize when I got in line that I had made it out of the house sans wallet.
I have to go to a wedding on Saturday and while it's at a theme park, and that should be all very nice and all, right now just thinking of dealing with it (it will involve getting up at 4am and an hour's drive) is making me want to slit my wrists.
A thought I've been having with alarming regularity lately. Well, not my wrists necessarily, but slicing of some sort. Bleeding and violence. Pain and ending.
It is, I suppose, one of my sudden, violent and inexplicable mood swings. One to prove to me why it is exactly that we were considering bipolar disorder not too long ago. To remind me that I'm NOT always on an even keel these days and to remind me that yes indeed, things can get worse than they were.
It's also, I'm sure, at least partially precipitated by stress.
I suppose I should relax, but I think I've forgotten how. I can't even just lie down and watch TV. I end up punishing myself for wasting perfectly good working time.