The Lost Entry of June 1st
It just kills me, the hypocrisy in this house.
I found a DVD sitting on the dining room table. It's about an FTM guy going to seminary. Documentary kind of thing. Stuck to it is a post it note asking my mother to review it, presumably for some church thing since it's signed by the minister.
So...
She is asked to review things on trans people. She gives out GLBT awards at the high school. She organizes pride stuff at her church. She's part of the "Welcoming and Affirming" committee there. She paints rainbow stuff, makes rainbow banners, has gay friends, is all involved in all this GLBT stuff at her church.
Then she comes home and says she will never accept my "choice"?!?
It occurred to me yesterday, when I found this DVD, that when I'm finally in California and safely away from my mother, I might just send a letter to her minister. I know, I know, it sounds petty and evil, but god, after all she's put me through, I just want him to KNOW. Bet you anything she tells him about her "daughter". I just want to write to him and be like "this is what you have on your 'welcoming and affirming' committee. This is who you have working with you for diversity and acceptance. This is what she does when she comes home."
It just sickens me. It makes it hard to be proud of what she accomplishes in the name of civil rights and acceptance, because when she comes home, she's every bit as hateful and closed minded as any of the people they're working to educate and change. And she utterly refuses to see any reason or make any attempt to even meet me halfway with some sort of acceptance.
Okay, that's not entirely true, I suppose. She did say she could see her way clear to grudgingly accepting my getting surgery, although she doesn't LIKE it. Just, basically, I can have my boobs taken off, but I'm not allowed to be a boy, either.
GOD I can't wait to get out of here.
And my brother is driving me up the fucking wall. I've pretty much given up the idea of telling him until I'm moved. Cause you know what, I don't have the energy, and I really don't give a flying fuck for his feelings about it. I just need to keep the peace for a few more months, that's ALL. After that, I'm so out of this family.
You'll notice I don't say anymore that I'm not changing my last name to distance myself from my family, that I just didn't like how it sounded. I slightly worry that something will happen in the future that makes me regret it, but frankly, distance isn't a bad thing. Not from them.
If dad can separate himself from the pack a little, I can see us being friendly for years to come. Chances are it'd be partly behind mom's back until/if she comes around at all.
Ugh. Maybe it's time to go kill things in WoW. I should also do some flight shopping.
In costume news, seriously considering the blood elf, but unsure what direction to take with it.
Also seriously considering a pirate, but also unsure how to go about it.