Dreams
I had a weird dream last night. I don't remember the bulk of the content of it... but I do remember this.
In it, my mother gave me a gift. It was shaving cream and a razor, with some note to the effect of an apologetic acceptance of my beginning beard growth. There was hugging and crying and accepting and making up.
It was a nice dream. Emotionally draining, but nice. Usually I'm freaking out at my parents in my dreams, since I can't in real life.
Why can't she be more like that for real...
I think my family is part of the reason that my swiftly approaching birthday has me depressed. One reason is that I feel like I should be farther in my transition by now. I suppose I should cut myself some slack considering the uphill familial battle for it... but still, I do feel like I should be farther along. Another reason is that your birthday is sorta a day for people to, you know, show they care, and I never feel like my family cares. So it's almost like I'm just sitting around waiting to see another year tick by that I didn't get surgery, didn't move out and didn't move on, and anticipating getting let down by my family.
No wonder I'm miserable about it.
In it, my mother gave me a gift. It was shaving cream and a razor, with some note to the effect of an apologetic acceptance of my beginning beard growth. There was hugging and crying and accepting and making up.
It was a nice dream. Emotionally draining, but nice. Usually I'm freaking out at my parents in my dreams, since I can't in real life.
Why can't she be more like that for real...
I think my family is part of the reason that my swiftly approaching birthday has me depressed. One reason is that I feel like I should be farther in my transition by now. I suppose I should cut myself some slack considering the uphill familial battle for it... but still, I do feel like I should be farther along. Another reason is that your birthday is sorta a day for people to, you know, show they care, and I never feel like my family cares. So it's almost like I'm just sitting around waiting to see another year tick by that I didn't get surgery, didn't move out and didn't move on, and anticipating getting let down by my family.
No wonder I'm miserable about it.