Ugh. Crappy day.
And it was a day off, too. What a waste. It wasn't that particularly bad things HAPPENED, I'm just miserable for no reason. With a brief break of insanity in the middle of the day.
I hate mental health issues, I hate psych drugs and I hate my life.
First I went to physical therapy and spent the entire time just pissed the fuck off. It's such a bloody waste of time, energy and money. Yet I feel like I have to give it a couple of months, now, to prove to my parents and my doctor that I TRIED. Technically at once a week, that's not that many sessions. Still. Getting pissed off does NOT help a stress-triggered problem like my jaw, or my shoulders. Speaking of, my jaw is killing me.
Then I had my brief period of 'high'. I was driving to my therapist's (after the PT), practically literally grinding my teeth (ooo, yeeeeah, that so helped, going there), exhausted (I only got about 5 hours sleep last night after all the mucking about I did online), and wavering wildly between angrycranky and I'mgonnacry. I was listening to my Dr. Who MP3 CD, and "In the Mood" comes on - it's from the veeerrrry end of "The Doctor Dances" in the first season of the new series. That old one, Glen Miller, I think? So I'm idly pondering making a Torchwood-style Jack costume for the next con, and then I think, hello, brilliant idea. How about a performance bit sort of rewriting the scene a bit?
Okay, now mind you it's not likely to happen, because the ingredients for this would be, in addition to me and a completed costume, two people who are Doctor Who fans, who live locally, want to go to a con at the same time I do, are willing to dress up as the 9th Doctor and Rose (hell, I'm not even being real picky about what sex and gender these folks would be), have rhythm, and would be willing to not only learn a dance but perform it. Sooo.... not gonna happen cause where the FUCK would I find these people? I highly doubt they exist. Anyway... the idea would be to start off with the existing choreography, then, trying to keep the feel of the piece intact, do a bit of switching off. For a bit of perspective, there is this bit of dialog:
Rose: I thought maybe Jack would like to have this dance.
Doctor: Oh, I'm sure he would Rose. Absolutely sure. But who with?
(Scuse the paraphrasing, it's not like I've got the episode ON.) So how about a dance where all three pairing options are used? Could be humorous, fun and hopefully impressive if pulled off properly. It's a bloody loooong song, so it gives plenty of time to get a Doctor/Rose, Doctor/Jack and Jack/Rose segment of choreography.
Course, aside from finding these two mythical assistants of mine, I'd have to get past that roadblock in my head where I get daunted by the idea of trying to pry the choreography in my brain out into my feet. I think if I wasn't so damn scared of failing, I'd have done it by now. Oh well. The thought cheered me up, anyway. Rode that high for about... um... 2 hours, before I crashed again, even stopping Colditz (I got the CDs in the mail today. BTW, Tennant plays a bad guy. Nazi. His accent slips like whoa, but that's kinda cute.) in the middle of the first part cause I was miserable and wanted to sleep. So I napped.
When I got up again, I thought I had more energy/enthusiasm... for about an hour. Then I got miserable again. ... Which now I think about it, coincided about with the ingestion of more Prozac. Hmmm. That is something to ponder.
Well, spose I ought to cheer myself with thoughts of a Jack costume and my imaginary costume-contest-performance-bit. First step for the Jack costume is figuring out what you CALL that kind of coat. I have found in the past that learning the proper name for a garment greatly increases your chances of finding something similar. (Oooo, sounds like a 'duh', but I'm talking the real specifics, like not just a "jacket" or "coat", but the specific KIND of coat, these things get awfully fussy.) Also the name for the kind of shirt he wears with the little things on the shoulders. My mom might know... but I don't really feel like going to her for this.
Oh, by the way, my 10th Doctor costume? Saw zero use at the con. For two reasons : it was HOT with all those layers, and the first time I put it all on, I got immediately nauseous which was equally as immediately remedied by removing layers. Second, four weeks with no exercise = pants that once fit are awfully tight now. *sigh* I can only console myself with the fact that the pants were at least a little tight before.
All that plus the fact that I think I look like a complete fool with shoulderpads that big, and I never did figure out how to remedy that. My mate assures me it looks fine, but my head looks tiiiiny when my shoulders are that big! I'm getting actual shoulders now, I don't need 80's level help, okay? (Yeah, I'm noticing my shirts fitting differently now. The shoulder seams don't fall so far down my arms anymore.) I did wear the shoes though, all weekend. I still think I'd want more arch support and cushioning if I were running around the universe saving people. But they're okay shoes anyway.
Oh, Torchwood this week? Sad again. People, just cause it's 'post-watershed' doesn't mean it has to be miserable every week! Less heart wrenching and blood and guts and more sex. That'll keep it all 'adult' and it'll be more fun. Not that they listen to ME, mind... plus... they probably felt the sex monster was enough already... And I was very relieved to see that Ianto is most definitely forgiven. Good good.
I hate mental health issues, I hate psych drugs and I hate my life.
First I went to physical therapy and spent the entire time just pissed the fuck off. It's such a bloody waste of time, energy and money. Yet I feel like I have to give it a couple of months, now, to prove to my parents and my doctor that I TRIED. Technically at once a week, that's not that many sessions. Still. Getting pissed off does NOT help a stress-triggered problem like my jaw, or my shoulders. Speaking of, my jaw is killing me.
Then I had my brief period of 'high'. I was driving to my therapist's (after the PT), practically literally grinding my teeth (ooo, yeeeeah, that so helped, going there), exhausted (I only got about 5 hours sleep last night after all the mucking about I did online), and wavering wildly between angrycranky and I'mgonnacry. I was listening to my Dr. Who MP3 CD, and "In the Mood" comes on - it's from the veeerrrry end of "The Doctor Dances" in the first season of the new series. That old one, Glen Miller, I think? So I'm idly pondering making a Torchwood-style Jack costume for the next con, and then I think, hello, brilliant idea. How about a performance bit sort of rewriting the scene a bit?
Okay, now mind you it's not likely to happen, because the ingredients for this would be, in addition to me and a completed costume, two people who are Doctor Who fans, who live locally, want to go to a con at the same time I do, are willing to dress up as the 9th Doctor and Rose (hell, I'm not even being real picky about what sex and gender these folks would be), have rhythm, and would be willing to not only learn a dance but perform it. Sooo.... not gonna happen cause where the FUCK would I find these people? I highly doubt they exist. Anyway... the idea would be to start off with the existing choreography, then, trying to keep the feel of the piece intact, do a bit of switching off. For a bit of perspective, there is this bit of dialog:
Rose: I thought maybe Jack would like to have this dance.
Doctor: Oh, I'm sure he would Rose. Absolutely sure. But who with?
(Scuse the paraphrasing, it's not like I've got the episode ON.) So how about a dance where all three pairing options are used? Could be humorous, fun and hopefully impressive if pulled off properly. It's a bloody loooong song, so it gives plenty of time to get a Doctor/Rose, Doctor/Jack and Jack/Rose segment of choreography.
Course, aside from finding these two mythical assistants of mine, I'd have to get past that roadblock in my head where I get daunted by the idea of trying to pry the choreography in my brain out into my feet. I think if I wasn't so damn scared of failing, I'd have done it by now. Oh well. The thought cheered me up, anyway. Rode that high for about... um... 2 hours, before I crashed again, even stopping Colditz (I got the CDs in the mail today. BTW, Tennant plays a bad guy. Nazi. His accent slips like whoa, but that's kinda cute.) in the middle of the first part cause I was miserable and wanted to sleep. So I napped.
When I got up again, I thought I had more energy/enthusiasm... for about an hour. Then I got miserable again. ... Which now I think about it, coincided about with the ingestion of more Prozac. Hmmm. That is something to ponder.
Well, spose I ought to cheer myself with thoughts of a Jack costume and my imaginary costume-contest-performance-bit. First step for the Jack costume is figuring out what you CALL that kind of coat. I have found in the past that learning the proper name for a garment greatly increases your chances of finding something similar. (Oooo, sounds like a 'duh', but I'm talking the real specifics, like not just a "jacket" or "coat", but the specific KIND of coat, these things get awfully fussy.) Also the name for the kind of shirt he wears with the little things on the shoulders. My mom might know... but I don't really feel like going to her for this.
Oh, by the way, my 10th Doctor costume? Saw zero use at the con. For two reasons : it was HOT with all those layers, and the first time I put it all on, I got immediately nauseous which was equally as immediately remedied by removing layers. Second, four weeks with no exercise = pants that once fit are awfully tight now. *sigh* I can only console myself with the fact that the pants were at least a little tight before.
All that plus the fact that I think I look like a complete fool with shoulderpads that big, and I never did figure out how to remedy that. My mate assures me it looks fine, but my head looks tiiiiny when my shoulders are that big! I'm getting actual shoulders now, I don't need 80's level help, okay? (Yeah, I'm noticing my shirts fitting differently now. The shoulder seams don't fall so far down my arms anymore.) I did wear the shoes though, all weekend. I still think I'd want more arch support and cushioning if I were running around the universe saving people. But they're okay shoes anyway.
Oh, Torchwood this week? Sad again. People, just cause it's 'post-watershed' doesn't mean it has to be miserable every week! Less heart wrenching and blood and guts and more sex. That'll keep it all 'adult' and it'll be more fun. Not that they listen to ME, mind... plus... they probably felt the sex monster was enough already... And I was very relieved to see that Ianto is most definitely forgiven. Good good.