★ [Voice Post / Public]

[50starhero]

Attention all Cactuars in the Bydan region that are currently listening to this from on their journals!

Hello! How are you!? This is Alfred F. Jones of the human race!

Instead of attacking us, why not come on over to the 4423 (that one ship, you know, you’ve probably seen it a few times in your Cactuarian newspapers, so you know what it looks like)

Comments

[thesnakecharm]

...Please, please tell me, Alfred, that this is some crazy-stupid scheme to lure them in in a false sense of security so we can kill them more easily?

[50starhero]

(I have decided that) Cactuars are actually very kind and gentle beings, Anko.

It's our duty to civilize them properly! Have you ever thought that maybe they're attacking us because we attacked them first? Huh? By destroying their natural habitat or whatever?

[thesnakecharm]

...They're ninjas.

In disguise.

So inviting them would be a bad idea. Trust me, I'm a ninja-fighting expert, remember?

[Hey, it's worth a shot.]

1/idk I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'M DONE

[50starhero]

[50starhero]

[50starhero]

[50starhero]

OK DONE NOW

[50starhero]

...ninjas where once people too, before the voodoo witch doctor overlord took their souls away to fuel his magic lamp.

If they can't come here... I'll! I'll! Go to them then!

FFFFF

[thesnakecharm]

Voodo--

Yeah, but there's no way to get the souls back after that, except by, uh, destroying the fake cacti body that the overlord put them in.

So by destroying the cacti bodies, we're helping to save their souls from the magic lamp!

[50starhero]

...Well, I do trust your judgment, Anko. A Hero's work is never done!

It makes sense that they'd be running towards me with the intention of having me gun them down in order to save their souls! By shooting at them, I'm doing them a favor! Their current way of life isn't civilized enough and they need my help to correct that. Or, in their current moment of great weakness, they might fall prey to the bloody, gnarled hands communism. It's only obvious!

[thesnakecharm]

Precisely!

Mhm. And since their evil master wields such complete control over them, they can't rescue themselves any other way--so they choose the ship with the best gunner in Reial to attack, knowing he can help save their sould by gunning down all of them!

[On the one hand, she kind of can't believe this is working, on the other it's working so, hey, she's not going to argue.]

1/2

[anthypants]

2/2

[anthypants]