Book 128
Exit the Milkman by Charlotte MacLeod
My rating: 1 of 5 stars
It’s rare that I give anything this low of a rating, mostly because if I hate a book this much I just don’t finish it. In this case, I remember really liking MacLeod’s books when I was younger. Also I needed an E for one reading challenge and has the same job as me for another challenge (i.e. professor) so I plodded along and plod is the right word. This wasn’t just overly wordy and dull, I’m pretty sure the writing convention of not needing anything more than ‘said’ or ‘replied’ was made specifically for her. Her characters are always ejaculating and a dozen other ridiculous descriptors for speech.
The plot is relatively simple. Professor Jim Feldster, head of the bovine portion of the college’s farm-Ag program has gone missing and given his shrew of a wife no one seems too surprised or even concerned. However, when he’s found and suspected of being the prodigal son of a rich cattle family things get weird and his wife gets dead. More time is spent on whether or not he’s actually a millionaire, and now head of the family after his brother’s recent passing than on finding out who killed his wife.
If that was all there was to it, I’d probably have given it two stars and been done with it but this plot needs dissecting and examining because the only explanation I have for this ever getting published is that MacLeod was an award winning author and this is like book ten of the series. So I’m just going to spoil it (okay it’s a 20 year old book so that might be over stating it but yes I’m giving away the plot because I simply need to talk about it).
1. Jim is found trapped in his wrecked car by a friend (relative? I can’t even remember) of Peter Shandy (the professor/detective protagonist), someone who is constantly getting lost (which is how she found him). Does she go for help? (keeping in mind this is pre-cellphone days) No, she’s afraid she won’t find her way back. Okay reasonable but once she has him in her car she doesn’t take him to the hospital or the cops. She takes him to a hotel even though he’s obviously injured, dehydrated and unable to speak. Does she call the cops or an ambulance there? No. Because she thinks he’s a rich heir and someone might want to kill him (and somehow calling in the cops on that is unreasonable.)
2. Mirelle, Jim’s wife is found dead in the campus house she and Jim rent and the president of the university bans ALL police investigations except for this local guy and Peter Shandy (who is a professor, not a cop). He doesn’t want the university to get a bad name because of a murder on campus. Okay college presidents do have some power and can cover up some things but a murder? Cut me a break. That was very nearly a deal breaker. It’s ridiculous and done merely to insure Shandy is the detective.
3. Shandy takes over caring for Jim. He takes him to the Feldstermeir family home where Jim promptly turns into a completely differ sort of person and even though he knows Jim is still wounded and he suspects Jim’s family tried to murder him he also doesn’t call the cops (neither does Jim for that matter) and he LEAVES the man there with no means of escape should Shandy be right about them being the would-be killers.
4. The ending was straight out of a bad Hollywood horror flick.
I didn’t know this was the last of the Shandy books until I went to review it. It has no resolution for the series whatsoever but when books have gotten this bad, it is time to put the series to bed.
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