I'm hanging from this streetlight.

[500milesanhour]

i'm not unsympathetic
i see why you left
there's no one to know
nothing to do
this city's been dead
since you've been gone

it seems like today is the most depressing day ever. sometimes you just wake up and know that today is going to suck. i should have just stayed in bed. it's gloomy and cold, there's nothing to do, nothing that seems desirable to do anyway. everybody is going to the bright eyes show. i didn't even really want to go until i realized that i was the only one not going. and nobody bothered to invite me anyway. and i don't see any happiness on the faces of anyone. my parents are just laying around, not really talking. everybody's in a crap mood. i feel like getting in my car and driving somewhere, but i know that i won't find peace of mind anywhere else. i just feel restless and left out.

for a minute i felt like i was 15 again.

i just wish someone would call me and ask me to do something. anything. just so i don't have to sit around the house feeling like all of the life is being slowly drained out of me.

i wanted to go see eric today in the hospital, but only immediate family is allowed to see him. they wouldn't even let my dad go. yesterday his brain started swelling, his lungs collapsed and his heart stopped 3 times. i just want to see him but they're still not letting anyone in. as much as i'm afraid to see him, i need to. i feel numb.

and i have the nerve to complain about my life. when things like this happen they make you feel lucky to wake up in the morning and get out of bed. and people get upset over the most petty, stupid things. and i'm guilty.

i think i need to leave.

yeah, ok. i'm leaving.