Day Off- Graphic Content. If you are easily offended do not read
Today was... unexpected.
I had today off from work so I slept in until around 930. My plans were to call the local paul mitchell beauty school and schedule an appointment for today to get my hair did (I usually dye my hair myself but I want to do something crazy and fun with my hair that i can't do myself). However, when I called the beauty school, I was informed that today the students had a half day and weren't doing accepting clients. Bummer. There goes my plans for the day. This was the latest in a string of things to bum me out. Mike has been getting blurays and video games left and right and I haven't had money to buy myself a present, so a few days ago we went to the mall with our coupon for free panties from Vickis and ten dollar off a bra. Mike was going to let me get this really cute bra and put it on the vickis card and I could pay him back later. So I found the bra in the store but shortly found out that my tits are too big :( apparently if you want to buy any of their super cute bras, you need to be a 36C or smaller. So okay... not too happy about not being able to have instant gratification but Mike told me we could order it online, so I was okay with that. That same night we went to see Shutter Island, which was semi entertaining but kind of a disappointment. When we got home from the movie, I went to Vicki's website and tried to order the super cute bra- only to find out that they are back ordered until April! Goddamnit all! So the past few days have been pretty disappointing.
Anyway- back to today. Shortly after finding out that my hair was to remain boring and dull for at least a few more days, Mike woke up and grumbled his way downstairs. We were snuggling and watching season 5 of Lost (I'm trying to catch up) when Mike started talking about how I let him fist me in his dream. This is kind of a sore subject (no pun intended). Before we got together, Mike was pretty hardcore into the S&M scene. I am the first "vanilla" girlfriend he's had so we've kind of had some trouble finding a middle ground where we're both happy. I've tried being fisted once. It was horrible horrible pain and after much discussion, I told him I would be willing to pretty much do anything else he wants as long as I never ever have to try fisting again. So when he brought up that he really wanted me to consider it, it kind of hurt and I felt guilty about standing my ground on not wanting to do it. He was okay with it, but apparently his dream had put him in the s&m mood and he put a chip clip on my nipple. Ladies- I don't know if you've ever had a chip clip attached to your nipple, but it hurts. Still I endured it for the minute or so that he kept it on. Then he made me give him a blowjob while he said really degrading things to me. This is what sets me off. I don't know what it is. I KNOW that it's just words and just something that helps him get major rocks off and I know he doesn't mean any of the things that he says. I KNOW THIS. It's only when he gets into the mood and if I just play along- it'll make him really happy and when it's done we'll be back to lovey dovey. It's not even everytime we have sex that he does this... it's just when he feels like he wants to be a dom. But I get so upset at the things he says and I start crying. Then it usually ends up in a fight. I usually realize very shortly after that I've ruined things for him and that I need to just remember (in the moment) that it's just a scene and it's for him. Today was no different. I need to find a way to deal with this. I need to find a way to be okay with being dominated. I need to and I want to, I just don't know how. I apologized and tried to convince him that I AM TRYING but it's difficult.
So after we fought he took a nap on the couch while I watched a few more episodes of Lost. Then we took shower and went out and ran some errands. At the end of the day, I ended up buying a new set of golf clubs. We came home, made dinner. I had to take a hardcore spanking as punishment for my insolence (It was delayed punishment because Mike never wants it to be out of anger... that makes it abuse). My bestie from college called me and mike took the opportunity to fuck me doggy style (he finds it amusing to watch me try to carry on a conversation while being sexed.) Now everything is fine and dandy.
So, yeah. Just kind of an odd day.